Daisy
I wake up in a cold sweat. My heart is racing and beating faster than ever before. The nauseous feeling takes over my body as I run to my bathroom and unleash the contents of my stomach.
God why does this have to happen every night?
I am so frustrated. Everything is going so well. I am meeting new people, I am trying new things, I went out in public and had a great time. But the second I close my eyes all the horrors of my life flash before my eyes. It feels so, so real and I can't seem to stop it.
These nightmares hurt so much and all I want to do is have one night sleep without the feeling like someone is killing me.
I stand from the toilet and brush my teeth. I am wide awake now and I don't think I'll be able to fall back asleep anytime soon.
I grab my blanket and head downstairs not wanting to wake my brothers up.
In the living room there is a big fire place and right next to it is a huge floor to ceiling window that looks into the back of our estate.
I turn the fire place on and sit in front of it while watching the snow fall on the ground. I feel so at peace.
Tears spill from my eyes. I wish I could have felt at peace like this my whole life.
Sometimes it is so hard. I try my best not to show my brothers but I'm struggling. I keep wishing that things would've been different. I wish I lived with them my whole life, I wished I could go to school, I wished I could be a normal teenager who goes out on adventures with my friends and then I come home and James scolds me for being reckless. I wish I could've played a sport. I wish I could've gone to Disney World.
I wish my body didn't look the way it does now.
Each day it's become increasingly hard to look at myself in the mirror, because my mind is healing from my past and I have this new glow in my eyes, but the second I see my body it reminds me that I will never be normal, that I could never wear a bikini in front of strangers or wear crop tops and shorts. I wish I could cover up my scars.
I start crying a bit more urgently. I try so hard but it's never enough. I'm always taken back to that basement whether it's in my sleep or it's when I look in the mirror. I can't escape them.
And I have a feeling I never will.
I feel someone put their hands on my back and I flinch and push myself away from the unknown person.
"Please don't hurt me." I whimper as I cover my head with my hands. I rock my self back and forth as my anxiety rises.
"Daisy baby it's me Xander." He whispers. I can't hear him though. Everything is muffled as I take in a big breath of air. "Daisy you are panicking you need to breath."
I shake my head. I can't. I can't.
In an instant I am pulled into his bare chest and he pushes my ear up against his heart. "Listen to my heart beat baby."
I try to calm my self down. I listen to his heart beat as I try to regulate my own.
It's not working.
I start panicking more.
"Oh god... shit." He mutters.
"I can't breathe Xan." I cry. He holds me tighter and lifts both of us up. All of the sudden I am shocked back into reality as I am surrounded by freezing cold air.
I hold on to Xander tighter and finally feel the icy cold air fill my lungs.
"Breathe Daisy." I do as told and eventually I am able to calm myself down. My head spins as I rest it on Xans shoulder. "Let's go inside."
He sets me down on the couch in the living room and grabs a blanket before wrapping me up nice and tight. He then lifts me up and brings me to the kitchen.
Xan passes me water as I greedily drink it.
"I'm sorry." I whisper so quiet I thought he wouldn't hear.
"Don't be Daisy, I am here for you." He looks at me with softness no one would think he had.
"Want a hot chocolate?" He asks.
"Won't Henry be mad?" I question him not wanting to get in trouble. Xan shakes his head and starts making it while I rest my head on the kitchen counter.
I find that when I am in the presence of my brothers I can calm down easier and stay calm.
Xan puts the hot chocolate infront of me as he sips his own. "Do you want to talk about it?"
I think about it. Maybe I should? I mean I felt relieved after I told James everything, maybe it could be the same in this case.
"I had a nightmare and didn't want to wake you guys up so I came down here and looked at the snow," I start looking down. "I was thinking too much and then I started panicking."
He hums and walks around the counter to pull me into his arms.
"What we're you thinking about?" He mumbles into my hair.
"That I feel like I am getting better but every time I sleep or look in the mirror I am reminded of them and it feels like I can't and will never escape that basement."
"How about instead of thinking that you won't ever escape you can think, these scars and nightmares are all in the past and it shows how much you have overcome and how strong you truly are for still being here." He suggested. "Maybe you can try that next time your thoughts are crowding your mind."
I can do that I think. "Okay I'll try."
"Thats all I am asking for baby."
—
Xander
I tried to give her some advice but even I think that it is pretty shit advice. I mean how is one supposed to look at their body, which is full of terrible memories and still tell themselves it's all over.
It's not
So I just hold her and suggest we watch movies because it seems like both of us won't be able to fall back asleep. I wrap us up in a blanket and she snuggles into me while we watch Mulan.
I had gone downstairs for a glass of water when I heard the familliar sounds of her cries and when she started panicking I panicked. Out of the five of us I am the only one who hasn't seen her panic. I mean I've seen her after nightmares but even after those she tends to calm down. I was at total loss what to do to help her. I thought back to the first time she had a bad nightmare and Henry calmed her down by pulling her into a hug. So I tried that but it didnt work so i tried to get her listening to my heart beat. I read about ways to calm the attacks a month ago and one of them was to get them listening to someones heart beat and I think it helped a bit but she ended up working herself up again. Then, I thought back to the first time I had a panic attack when I was thirteen, I had ran out of the house into the freezing cold backyard and I remember it brought an instant calming feeling to my lungs. So I tried that with Daisy and sure enough it worked. Only issue is now she is shivering. I made sure she had a warm drink and was wrapped up in a blanket with me plus the heat from the fire place but the kid gets cold so easily.
If she gets sick again James is gonna kill me.
I shiver at that thought. He is so protective of her. We all are but he is another level of protective. Yesterday I thought he was going to kill us.
When he came back with Dante though he seemed calmer. Only Daisy can make him that calm.
I'm not jumping to conclusions but I am pretty sure there is something going on there.
Honestly, I don't really care what James does, unless it affects Daisy or myself. He wants to suck face with Dante he can do just that.
Dante's good anyways. We were only worried about him meeting Daisy because we weren't sure how gentle he would be with her. Turns out we were wrong and that he was in fact very gentle with her. Honestly that's all I care about.
I pull Daisy closer and kiss her forehead. I pull out my phone and see it's only three in the morning.
James is gonna kill me.
He is crazy when it comes to Daisy. Making sure she eats her vegetables, making sure she gets enough sleep, whenever one of us take her out he always needs to hold her afterwards.
I think it's cute.
He would kill me if I told him that though.
"I'm hungry." Daisy tells me. I play with her hair.
"What do you want? I can't cook." I tell her.
"I'm not sure." She whispers.
"I have an idea lets go." I tell her as I pick her up and head to the mud room right outside the garage.
I grab her UGGS and her coat. She puts both on and I put on my slides. I don't get cold so I am fine.
I pick her back up because even though her mind is awake her body is exhausted. I put her in the passenger seat of my matte black Lamborghini and make sure she is buckled and securely wrapped up in the blanket.
I hop in and drive off our estate.
I play a playlist I made for Daisy on my phone. It has very relaxing songs that I've played infront of her before that she seems to really like.
She has a small smile on her face as Lana del Ray plays. Taylor swift and Lana del Ray are Daisy's favourite artists.
I pull into the McDonald's drive through and order a ten peice nugget and two small fry's. I would normally get more for us but it is only three in the morning.
I pay and get the food before driving away.
"Where are we going?" Daisy asks me. I look at her and smile.
"There's a lake 10 minutes from here we can eat in the backseat." She smiles and nods.
As I pull up I bring the food to the back seat and then move to Daisy's side taking her out and placing her back down in the seat. I hop in on the other side making sure the car is still on and we dig in. I let her eat as much as she can before she is full, then I eat the rest.
"Henry's gonna kill us." She giggles looking at me with mischievous eyes. I wrap my arm on her shoulder.
"Oh yeah." I chuckle.
"Romans gonna be mad too." She states.
"Why's that?"
"Cause we planned on going out and eating junk food behind Henry's back."
I laugh. "He can come next time."
She nods and leans on me.
"Do you know that Taylor Swift came out with her Red Taylor's Version album at 12 last night." I tell her already knowing her reaction. She shoots ups and looks at me wide eyed.
"Really?!" She shrieks. Daisy really loves Taylor Swift. Red is her favourite album.
"Yeah I'll play it." I pull out my phone make sure it's connected to the car and play the album.
Daisy listens to each song before we get onto Stay Stay Stay. By then she is totally passed out and I am not far behind.
I make sure the car doors are locked before drifting off with Daisy leaning against my chest.
I love spending time with her.
—
I just had to add Red to this chapter. I was listening to it while writing and I thought why don't I put it in as a tribute.
Also speaking of music should I make Daisy a playlist and add that to the front of the book next to the characters chapter?
I also wanted to add that I am currently planning a part two of this book. Now, I want to know your guy's opinion.
1. Would you rather part two be in this book?
2. Or would you rather it be a completely separate book?
I hope you all are enjoying this book, because I sure am writing it.
Oh, and I was thinking of making a new cover for the book because I just recently finished a photoshop class at school and thought maybe I could make a new cover.
What do you think? Let me know!
Lots of Love 💕