Chapter 21 - Red

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I wake up in a cold sweat. My heart is racing and beating faster than ever before. The nauseous feeling takes over my body as I run to my bathroom and unleash the contents of my stomach.

God why does this have to happen every night?

I am so frustrated. Everything is going so well. I am meeting new people, I am trying new things, I went out in public and had a great time. But the second I close my eyes all the horrors of my life flash before my eyes. It feels so, so real and I can't seem to stop it.

These nightmares hurt so much and all I want to do is have one night sleep without the feeling like someone is killing me.

I stand from the toilet and brush my teeth. I am wide awake now and I don't think I'll be able to fall back asleep anytime soon.

I grab my blanket and head downstairs not wanting to wake my brothers up.

In the living room there is a big fire place and right next to it is a huge floor to ceiling window that looks into the back of our estate.

I turn the fire place on and sit in front of it while watching the snow fall on the ground. I feel so at peace.

Tears spill from my eyes. I wish I could have felt at peace like this my whole life.

Sometimes it is so hard. I try my best not to show my brothers but I'm struggling. I keep wishing that things would've been different. I wish I lived with them my whole life, I wished I could go to school, I wished I could be a normal teenager who goes out on adventures with my friends and then I come home and James scolds me for being reckless. I wish I could've played a sport. I wish I could've gone to Disney World.

I wish my body didn't look the way it does now.

Each day it's become increasingly hard to look at myself in the mirror, because my mind is healing from my past and I have this new glow in my eyes, but the second I see my body it reminds me that I will never be normal, that I could never wear a bikini in front of strangers or wear crop tops and shorts. I wish I could cover up my scars.

I start crying a bit more urgently. I try so hard but it's never enough. I'm always taken back to that basement whether it's in my sleep or it's when I look in the mirror. I can't escape them.

And I have a feeling I never will.

I feel someone put their hands on my back and I flinch and push myself away from the unknown person.

"Please don't hurt me." I whimper as I cover my head with my hands. I rock my self back and forth as my anxiety rises.

"Daisy baby it's me Xander." He whispers. I can't hear him though. Everything is muffled as I take in a big breath of air. "Daisy you are panicking you need to breath."

I shake my head. I can't. I can't.

In an instant I am pulled into his bare chest and he pushes my ear up against his heart. "Listen to my heart beat baby."

I try to calm my self down. I listen to his heart beat as I try to regulate my own.

It's not working.

I start panicking more.

"Oh god... shit." He mutters.

"I can't breathe Xan." I cry. He holds me tighter and lifts both of us up. All of the sudden I am shocked back into reality as I am surrounded by freezing cold air.

I hold on to Xander tighter and finally feel the icy cold air fill my lungs.

"Breathe Daisy." I do as told and eventually I am able to calm myself down. My head spins as I rest it on Xans shoulder. "Let's go inside."

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