Chapter 24 - Blood

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I wake up with a jump. My breathing is out of control and my head spins while white dots cloud my vision. My stomach aches, and my back is in pain.

I take deep breaths in and out, I keep doing that until I have regulated my breathing.

I reach over to my night stand and grab the bottle of water that one of my brothers seem to fill up every night. I chug the water, my throat dry from the nightmare making it so every time I swallow tears prick my eyes at the dryness.

I look to the time and see it's five in the morning.

I decide that for the time being I am going to listen to music.

I grab my wire earbuds that Roman gave me two days ago and plug it into my phone.

There is this artist, he goes by NF, his music is like rap but not really. He had a rough childhood. His mother committed suicide and his father was abusive. He has suffered a lot.

Just like me.

So, he sings about his pain and it sends a message to people, like me, who have been through so much, that we aren't alone.

My favourite song of his is called How could you leave us.

It's about his mother's suicide and how she chose pills over him and his sister. It reminds me of my mom. Although his mom loved him in the end she still hurt him. My mom all she did was hurt and disappoint me.

I tear up at the song because the pain in his voice resonates with the pain I feel, the pain of my mother choosing pills over me.

After all the pain she caused me I always had that hope that she would love me, and she would accept me for who I was, her daughter.

She never did.

Pain seers through my abdomen pulling me out of my pity party. I pull my headphones out as I curl up and clutch my stomach.


Tears prick my eyes. Why the hell does this hurt so bad? Am I sick?

After a painful five minutes the pain seems to fade away and is replaced with more of a dull ache.

"Oh finally." I speak to myself. I put my earbuds back in and play the next song.

I do this for the next hour until I see my door open. In walks James.

He sits at the side of my bed and tucks my hair behind my ears. When he sees I have ear buds in he gives me a 'really' type of look. I shrug and pull the buds out.

"Mornin." I mumble.

"Morning baby, how was your sleep?" He softly asks me.

"It was alright, I woke up from a nightmare an hour ago."

"Ugh, my baby can't catch a break." He groans. He lies down on top of the covers next to me. I grab his hand and squeeze it.

"Don't be bummed, if it makes you feel any better I didn't wake up any other times last night, I think the pills worked." I smile at him. I turn around so I rest my head on top of his heart.

"That does make me feel better." He's now twirling my hair. I swat his hands away and pat down my hair.

"You're gonna knot my hair up, I hate when my hair is knotted."

He gives me a breathy laugh before raising his hands in surrender. I put my head back down and continue listening to his steady heart beat.

We sit in silence for a while.

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