"I can't believe I'm spending my vacation at the Animal Park sitting behind an elephant waiting for him to pass the Zoo Director's cellphone," Jerry complained.
"Ugh," Kim said in disgust.
"It could be worse," Jack reasoned.
"Oh, it is. I have to call bin when I find it," Jerry said.
"How are you gonna call him if his phone is inside an elephant?" Azalea snorted.
"Milton is so lucky," Kim exclaimed, "He gets to go to Scotland with his parents."
"I'm so jealous." Azalea admitted.
"Oh, no, he's not going anymore," Jack told them, "His dad had some work thing come up-" he stopped talking when they heard bagpipe music playing.
"What is that awful sound?" Kim asked looking around.
"Sounds like a dying donkey," Jack observed.
The music grew louder and they turned to see Rudy entering the dojo while playing a bagpipe. Milton was a few steps behind him looking mildly annoyed.
"Takes people years to learn how to play one of these things," Rudy said and the music continued playing so he turned around to show the stereo that was hanging on his back. Milton clicked on the off button, "Suckers."
"What's with the vacuum cleaner?" Jerry asked.
"It's a bagpipe," Azalea deadpanned.
"The traditional instrument of my mother country Scotland," Milton said in a terrible Scottish accent.
"I thought you weren't going," Kim said in confusion.
"I wasn't but the first class tickets were non-refundable," Milton said, "So, I convinced my parents to let me turn them into — six coach tickets."
"Which means, we are all going to Scotland!" Rudy added in excitement.
"WE ARE GOING TO SCOTLAND?"
"Oh, I have always wanted to learn how to play the bagpipes," Jack picked up the bagpipes.
"We are staying with my grandfather at our family Castle," Milton explained.
"Any chance your family wants to adopt me?" Azalea asked, "I have always wanted to have a family Castle in Scotland."
"Ask dad," Milton told her before turning to the guys, "And we can even wear kilts."
"What's a kilt?" Jerry wondered.
"It's like a skirt for men," Milton explained.
"I'm in," Jerry said, dead serious.
"Hey, Jackie, honey," Azalea looked at her boyfriend's poor attempt to play the bagpipe, "I think you are blowing too much air into that."
"No, I'm trying to build up the pressure. It's all clogged," Jack said and a second later the bagpipe exploded. "Sorry," he smiled sheepishly.
"At least it's not clogged anymore."
☆★☆
Milton's grandfather led them through their family castle and Azalea was in awe of the beautiful scenery. "Thank you for picking us up from the airport, grandpa McKrupnick," Kim said, "We could have taken a cab."
"No," Rudy said sarcastically, "Then we would have missed the eight hour ride in the manure wagon." He earned himself a sharp shove from his sister.
"You are here at an exciting time," Grandpa McKrupnick said excitedly, "Tonight we have the banquet. And tomorrow —we start the great games!"
"Like the Highland games?" Azalea asked curiously but before she could get an answer Jack asked his own question.
"What is that smell?" he scrunched his nose.
"Grandma's made her famous snouts," Grandpa McKrupnick explained and Jerry tasted it.
"Mmm. I'll say it. This is the best snout I've ever had," Jerry told them.
"So, what are the great games?" Jack wondered, wrapping an arm around Azalea's waist.
"They are a friendly competition between the McKrupnicks and the McCrarys," Milton cut in before his grandfather could speak, "the only other clan in the valley. It's to commemorate the end of the feud between our two families."
"Why were you feuding?" Kim wondered.
"Ooh, never ask that question," Grandpa McKrupnick said, "We swore to never ever speak about the incident again."
"That means that both of the clans were lead by arrogant and stubborn men who refused to acknowledge how petty and stupid it was," Azalea said.
"I'm sorry," Kim apologised, "I won't ever-"
"''Twas a foggy night. Many generations ago — when the Devil's own Fergus McCrary came on our land! And he stole our only donkey."
"I stand incorrected."
"But a hundred years ago, we finally made peace," Milton added, earning a nod and a grunt from his grandfather.
"Guys, I still can't believe we're at a real Castle," Jack said.
"The McKrupnicks have lived her for over four hundred years," Milton told them.
"And that handmade stained glass window tells the entire history of the McKrupnick clan. It's easily our most valuable piece of —"
Grandpa McKrupnick was interrupted when Rudy lost control over the mace he had been playing around with and it crashed through the window.
"I told you kids not to play ball out there," Rudy yelled, attempting to cover up his mistake.
"This is why we can't bring you anywhere nice," Azalea said, cringing over how her brother always managed to destroy irreplaceable historical artefacts.
"Yo, grandpa McMuffler," Jerry said out of the blue, "Where is the Loch Ness place where the monster lives?"
"Jerry, I've told it was just a story that was made up to bring in tourists." Jack said.
"Oh, no, no! I have seen Nessie with my own eyes," Grandpa McKrupnick told them causing both Azalea and Jack to roll their eyes, "It was on a night just like this. In the lake — behind our castle."
"Wha-" Jerry started to say before running over the only other person who was equally dumb, "Rudy, do you realise how much money we can make if we get a picture of her?"
"Oh, please. You don't really believe in that thing, do you?" Rudy scoffed loudly before adding in a much quieter tone, "Get your camera. Meet me in the boat in five minutes."
"Why did you make up that story?" Milton asked his grandfather, "Everyone knows Nessie isn't real."
"Well, I had to get rid of them! That Rudy is a wrecking ball!"
"Try living with him," Azalea snorted.
"And the other one, he's gonna be tootin' snouts all night."
☆★☆
"On the eve of the great games, I'd like to welcome everyone to this feast," Grandpa McKrupnick said, standing at the head of the table, "Celebrating the peace between the two families. The McKrupnicks — and the McCrarys."
Both families cheered when their name was called. "Hey, uh, who is this big guy over here?" Kim asked pointing at a McCrary that was seated a bit away from her.
"Oh, that's Angus McCrary, the strongest McCrary of them all," Milton explained.
"Yeah, he looks pretty big, but sometimes size has nothing to do with—" Jack cut himself off when they saw him playing around with a barrel like it was a pillow, "Oh, yeah, no, he's ridiculously strong."
"Guys, we are in Scotland, okay?" Kim said, "Let's get out there and have some fun."
"Still not a dancer," Azalea stated as Milton and Kim joined the people who were dancing to bagpipe music.
A read haired woman of heavy built, wearing the McCrary colours walked over and tapped Jack on the shoulder when he was taking a sip of his drink. "Dance."
"Oh, uh, I'm good, thanks, I'm not much of a—"
"Wasn't a question," the woman pulled him up from his seat.
"I have a girlfriend," Jack tried but she dragged him towards the dance floor and started spinning around. Jack sent a pleasing glance towards Azalea who was laughing at his misfortune.
The guy from earlier, Angus McCrary walked up to Azalea. "Dance," he said in the same blunt way as the woman who had ordered Jack.
"No, and if you try to pull me to the dance floor I will break your nose."
☆★☆
I'd like to thank the McCrarys for coming," Grandpa McKrupnick said and the clan cheered loudly in response, "And I'd also like to acknowledge my grandson. And his friends who came all the way here —"
"If I could just sat a few words here," Milton interrupted his grandfather while standing up.
"Oh, boy," Azalea said, "This is where he does something stupid."
"What a special evening," Milton said loudly, "Two families coming together and forgetting their differences," he said and everyone clapped, "And to think it all started over a donkey."
Everyone laughed heartily while Azalea cringed, "Here we go."
"A donkey that was stolen from us by a McCrary," he continued and all the McCrarys gasped and their previously jovial mood was gone.
"How dare you?!" the leader of Clan McCrary asked angrily, "We did not steal your donkey. It belonged to us."
"Uh, I think what's important here is-" Milton started but was interrupted by his now furious grandfather.
"How can it be your donkey if we owned it?!"
"Uh, you know, since—" Milton tried to save the situation.
"You cannot own a stolen donkey!"
"That is a very sound legal position-" Milton tried again, but was interrupted by the chief of Clan McCrary again.
"The feud is back on."
"No, no, no, no, no. Not the fued. We can't have another hundred years of fighting," Milton begged.
"The boy is right," his grandfather agreed with him.
"Indeed he is," McCrary agreed.
"Of course I am," Milton stated.
"So whichever family loses the games shall be banished from the valley forever!"
"What??" Milton exclaimed, "Who banishes anymore? That's so 1800s."
"I will see you on the field of battle!" McCrary said.
"Aye!"
"Aye!"
"I really gotta learn to shut my yapper," Milton groaned while being squished by the two old men who glared at each other.
"Aye, you do."
☆★☆
"Guys, this is all my fault," Milton sighed, "What am I gonna do?"
"Go back in time and slap your past self in the face?" Azalea suggested.
"There is nothing you can do," Jack said, "Your family is giving up and running away."
"Krupnicks aren't really built for running." Milton defended them, "What we do is more of a brisk mosey — I've gotta try something."
Milton turned around and walked over to his family, "McKrupnicks, listen up."
"Oh! Blabby McBlab-blab has something to say," Grandpa McKrupnick said tauntingly.
"I'm not giving up our Castle without a fight," Milton stated, "I will go face the McCrarys alone if I have to. Even Angus."
"He won't be alone," Jack walked over to stand beside him, "I'll be with him."
"Me too," Azalea stood beside the two boys.
"And I'll be with him too," Kim joined them.
"Why would you fight for our family?" Grandpa McKrupnick asked.
"Because Milton us more than our friend," Jack answered.
"He is our family," Azalea finished, "You know, like that weird cousin who you know will never get married."
"Thanks for that, Lea,"Milton said sarcastically.
"You four have the hearts of Lions," Grandpa McKrupnick said, "and I'm proud to consider you my family. McKrupnicks, raise your swords. To honour. To courage. To victory!" the sound of fabric tearing rang though the air when he somehow managed to cut off his kilt. "I ripped my little skirt off, didn't I?"
☆★☆
Bagpipe music was playing as the two families walked towards the 'battlefield'. "The McCrarys are here for battle," Angus said, thrusting their family flag into the ground as the rest of his family cheered.
"The McKrupnicks are here for battle," Milton said, trying to do the same but he failed, "I seem to have found a hard patch here — Here for battle," he tried again but failed, "Here for battle!"
Angus then walked over and helped him without any problem, "Got it!" Milton said actually believing he had done it before he saw Angus, "Oh. Thanks."
The horn blew and Milton walked over to the blonde, "All right, Kim. This is your event. The castle door flip. It's a test of strength. That castle door wrights over 200 pounds. Lift it and flip it over. Just watch Megan."
"Just so you know, Jack," Megan, the girl he had danced with the night before said, "I have full intentions of hugging you."
"Ha, well, thanks," Jack chuckled uncomfortably, moving so he was standing behind Azalea, "But unless it's her, I'm not much of a hugger."
"Oh, don't worry," Megan said, "I'll do all the work."
Azalea let out a snort like laughter, earning a glare from her boyfriend who had both arms wrapped around her waist from behind, which could have been considered sweet if he wasn't using her as a humans shield.
"Can't you be a jealous girlfriend and defend me?" Jack whined.
"I may have been a bit more jealous if you weren't so uncomfortable," Azalea gave him a teasing smile before turning back to Megan who was flipping the door over, "And I'm pretty sure she is strong enough to crush me. With a door."
The McCrarys cheered while Kim's eyes were wide, "You know, that door looks kind of heavy. You really think I am do this."
"Sure you can," Milton said airily, "You a lower center of gravity. It's all mind over matter. Come on, you are a black belt."
"Azalea?" Kim turned to her friend like she was asking her to shift competitions.
"I'm being used as a humans shield at the moment," the red head shrugged, "But you can do this."
"You know what? You are right," Kim said, pepping herself, "Okay." She bent down while the others coached from the sideline. She actually managed to lift the door from the ground and up at least halfway before she dropped it and the door fell to the ground with a thud and her beneath it.
Megan walked over and lifted it up with one hand. "Did I win?" Kim's dizzy voice could be heard from underneath the door where she was laying.
"You all right there, honey," Azalea asked, crouching down to check on her friend.
"Yeah, I think so, why?" Kim answered.
"Oh, I don't know," Jack said, "You are looking a little pancake-ish."
☆★☆
"Azalea, the Hill race is the perfect test of endurance and stamina. It test even the most seasoned runners with an uneven terrain and the steepness of the hill," Milton explained to her.
"Just hearing that makes me tired," Azalea said. The only ones that hadn't already climbed to the top of the hill was Milton, and two of the McCrarys, one of whom she was about to race against. Everyone else was waiting by the finish line.
"You can do this," Milton encouraged her, "We need a win after the pancake incident."
"No pressure then," Azalea snorted as Milton left to join the others. A few minutes later she and her opponent were told to stand by the finish line and then the race was on.
In the beginning the two ran side by side until they split up, both of them trying to find their own way up the hill. But all of a sudden Azalea found herself getting tackled to the ground, making her ground as sticks and stones dug into the palms of her hands and knees.
"You can tackle?" she breathed out as she stood up again and started to chase after the other guy, "Why didn't anyone tell me this."
Knowing that she wouldn't catch up with him if she just followed she found a much steeper path that practically forced her to climb up the hill. But it was short which meant that she managed to catch up with the McCrary. She found herself on a higher level that was about to end so she jumped down, pushing the guy into a bush, doing a somersault before standing up and continuing running.
"Karma!" she shouted over her shoulder as she continued to run and a few minutes later she crossed the finish line with the McCrary just a few steps behind her.
The McKrupnicks cheered and Jack ran over to hug her, "You did it!"
"I'm never running again."
☆★☆
"This is the chop and climb," Grandpa Krupnick explained to Jack, "Using nothing but two climbing axes you race to the top" he pointed up at two tree stocks that stood vertically, "First one to ring the bell wins."
"This is all upper body strength, Jack," Milton told him, "You should be good at this."
"Yeah, now it's time to show that those muscles aren't just for show," Azalea smirked.
"I've never heard you complain."
"I'm not complaining now either."
Jack sent her a wink, "I got this," he stated confidently before walking toward his opponent that was sharpening his axes, "Hey, uh, I hear you are pretty good."
"Check this out," he said cockily before using his axes to hit another three for almost a minute before backing away with a smirk.
"Yeah, not very impressive," Jack said unimpressed said and the other guy blew some air towards it and the sawdust fell to the floor leaving a carved out bear, "Ah, see, now that is impressive."
The two walked over to prepare themselves while the crowd clapped and cheered. The horn blew just as Jack threw his axes down on the floor to warm his hands so his opponent got a head start.
But Jack managed to climb until they were side by side. However he wasn't prepared when the McCrary kicked him in the chest, sending him falling back down to the ground.
The McKrupnicks gasped but Jack had never been one to give up so he quickly stood up and threw his axes against the trunk and used them to jump between the trunk until he got up to the top at the same time as the McCrary.
Both of them reached for the bell but Jack slapped the other guys hand away only for him to kick Jack's. The two fought and somehow Jack managed to land in a split between the two trunks. The two continued until Jack jumped back to his own tree top only to jump onto the McCrary's, knocking him down and ringing the bell.
"Yes!" Jack cheered.
"Come on down, Jack," Megan flirted, "I got a victory prize for you."
"Uh, I'm good, Megan," Jack said with a tight smile, "I'm just gonna stay up here and enjoy the view," he chuckled nervously.
"All right, I'll just wait down here for you," Megan said innocently leaning against the trunk, "Quiet as a wee church mouse."
Azalea realised what was about to happen, "Jackie you should probably—" she started to say when Megan elbowed the tree trunk and the vibrations caused Jack to fall to the ground with a scream, "hold on," she finished, unintentionally letting out a small laugh.
"Ah, look who came down to see me," Megan smiled at the boy who was lying on the ground.
"Oh, no," Jack yelled, scrambling up and running away with Megan hot on his heels.
"Aren't you even the slightest bothered by her crushing on your boyfriend?" Kim asked her.
"I am," Azalea admitted, "But I have grown use to other girls fawning over him. And I trust Jack."
☆★☆
"All right, it's all tied up," Jack said as they waited for the last game to begin, "It's up to Milton. How does this event work?"
"Milton just has to get that 400-Boulder across the line faster than Angus," Grandpa McKrupnick said excitedly before looking at the boulder, "I'm gonna go finish packing."
"Look, Milton, we gave it our best shot," Kim said, already having given up.
"Hang on," Milton interrupted the blonde while writing something on a notepad.
"Let it go, buddy. It's over," Jack said.
"Hang on," Azalea said looking at Milton's notes, "He might be into something."
"You, the ethereal pessimist — whom I love dearly — have hope in this?" Jack asked.
"It's science," Azalea said, "And it's not over until we have officially lost."
"No it's not," Milton agreed with a grin, "I can do this. I can beat Angus. The rules don't say I have to carry the boulder. I just have to get it across the finish line."
"I might make a Slytherin out of you yet," Azalea smirked.
"And that helps because—?" Kim asked in confusion.
"Because of physics," Azalea and Milton said at the same time before the latter continued, "There is a six-degree slope to the field, so if I can get the boulder of the pedestal, inertia will carry it across the finish line. You know what the number one law in physics is."
"You know I don't," Jack said, completely lost, leaning one arm on Azalea's shoulder.
"An object in motion tends to stay in motion," Azalea clarified, earning an "oh" from Kim and Jack.
"Yeah, so you understand?" Milton asked excitedly.
"No."
"'Not even a little."
"I understand, and you will do great, Milton," Azalea told him.
"Boys, take your positions," Chief McCrary ordered and Milton handed the notepad to Kim before walking over.
"Good luck, little man," Angus told him, offering his hand to shake.
"Oh. Good luck to you too, Angus," Milton said, startled by his politeness. The horn blew and the two competitors started. Angus was struggling with lifting the boulder while Milton was struggling to get his to move an inch.
"It's too heavy. He can't move it," Jack realised just as Angus managed to lift his own, walking towards the finish line.
"No, wait. I think he is doing it. It's moving," Azalea said and a second later he managed to roll the boulder off the pedestal and it started rolling towards the finish line but stopped just before it crossed at the same time as Angus dropped his boulder.
"Go! Go!" they yelled at Milton who ran forward.
"Come on, Angus!"
"Get up! Get up, you big ox! Get up!"
"Push it! Push it, you beanpole!"
"He can't get up. The boulder is on his leg," Jack realised when looking at Angus. And suddenly Milton stopped pushing, "Push, it's right there, push!"
"Come on, Milton! Go!"
"You are almost there, Milton!"
Instead of pushing, Milton walked over and pushed Angus'a boulder instead.
"What's he doing?" Kim asked.
"I don't know," Jack muttered.
"He is not doing the Slytherin thing," Azalea muttered as Milton and Angus managed to push the boulder off Angus's leg. Milton then helped him stand up.
"He is just gonna stand up after that?" Azalea muttered, "I wouldn't have walked in a year."
"Come on, McKrupnick. We will cross the line together," Angus said to him.
"But there can only be one winner," Milton said.
"We cross together or I don't cross at all," Angus patted him on the back with a smile and then the two pushed it over the finish line.
"The McKrupnicks have to leave the valley!"... shouted in victory.
"No! They are not going anywhere!" Angus said firmly, "I couldn't have done it without a McKrupnick. Milton and I both won."
"That's the way it should be," Milton agreed, "Our two families are stronger together than we are apart."
"The boys are right," Chief McCrary said, "Any bad blood between us should be buried forever."
"Let's start right now," Grandpa McKrupnick agreed, "Would you like to come with me to a show tomorrow night? I have tickets for Lady Gaga."
"The Gaga!" McCrary said and the two old men started giggling like little girls, "I love the Gaga!"
The two families embraced each other and laughed. "You know, I might have been a bit too rude to you because I assumed you were an ass, which I am sorry for," Azalea said to Angus with an awkward smile. "Love your accent by the way."
Angus laughed before he too joined the hugging and Azalea turned just as Jack started talking, "All right, Megan. Bring it in," he said opening his arms.
"You had your chance, pretty boy," Megan said while carrying Milton bridal style, "I found someone else I like better."
Azalea let out a loud laughter at his shocked face, "You just got rejected, pretty boy," she smirked and in response Jack managed to throw her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes before she had time to react and she let out a loud squeal as he spun around before setting her down on the ground again.
☆★☆
Back in Seaford they were now sitting inside the dojo. Jerry was eating snouts while Azalea had her back leaned against the armrest of the sofa and her legs in Jack's lap.
"How did you get those snouts past customs?" Kim wondered.
"Oh, I hid them in my shorts. You want one?" Jerry answered casually. Just then Rudy walked passed them in a kilt, "Wow, Rudy. You really like wearing that skirt, don't you?"
"For the thousandth time, it's not a skirt. This kilt is like the manliest thing you can wear. It's been work by Kings, Knights and Warriors," Rudy said and then his eyes landed on Azalea and Jack, so he walked over and pulled her legs of Jack's lap.
"Really?" Azalea asked in disbelief.
"Really," Rudy mimicked, "Now, I'm gonna go eat my pizza out in the courtyard and show it off."
"Wow," Jack said as Rudy confidently walked out, "look at the way he's strutting around."
"Do you think he sees the guy with the leaf blower," Milton asked as the sound of the leaf blower reached them.
Azalea immediately closed her eyes in preparation, "I'm gonna guess no," she said and a second later people started screaming outside, "And I was right."
___________
Azalea's Outfit