The Hobbit / LOTR -oneshots

Will to live - Haldir

Warnings: angst with a happy(ish) ending, death, major character death, reader death (a lot of death in general)
Word count: 883
Other: -
Requested: nooope

The loss of your husband weighs on you too much.

A shriek rang through Helm's Deep as your eyes landed on your husband's body.
"No. No!" You pushed Legolas out of your way and ran to Haldir, collapsing to your knees. You barely noticed your knees hitting the hard stone, the pin in your heart overwhelming. You lifted a shaking hand to his face to cup his cheek, tears rolling down yours as your hand met his cold skin. His eyes were closed, and he looked peaceful like he was asleep, but the icy coldness of his skin told you that he was gone. You didn't want to believe it, but it slowly sunk into your consciousness.

Still, you lowered your head to his chest, pressing your ear against it, hoping beyond hope. But there was no sound, just silence as you closed your eyes, fisting his jacket in your hands. It still smelled of him, and you tried your best to push the smell of blood and the sounds of battle away. You exhaled heavily, tears rolling down your cheeks as you shifted closer to him, the cold stone seeping cold into your bones but you barely even noticed.

- -

The journey back to Lothlórien was long and tiring. You never swayed far from the roughly made stretcher that held Haldir's body. You offered your help carrying him, multiple times, but they just shook their heads. They could see how you stumbled, your steps missing the vigor they once had held. It was like a part of you wasn't there anymore. And it was true, a part of you had died with Haldir. A part that you desperately needed, but didn't have anymore. A will to live.

When you arrived at Lothlórien, Lady Galadriel offered you her sincerest condolences, but you were barely listening. You just wanted to bury your husband, set him to rest in the woods he had so much adored. You told her this, and she smiled understandingly, telling you that arrangements were going to be made as soon as possible. She ushered you that you should get some rest, and you took her advice, slowly making your way into your room.

Entering it, the cold wave of sadness overwhelms you again. His things are strewn around everywhere, wherever he had left them. You picked up one of the tunics he had left on the chair, bringing it to your chest, closing your eyes. His scent rushed over you, and just for a moment, you forgot. You could almost feel his arms around you, hear the gentle whisper in your ear, and taste a kiss placed on your lips. But when you opened your eyes, the illusion shattered, and you were reminded yet again about the cruel truth that you were alone. He wasn't there, he would never be there again. You would never hear him laugh or grumble as he tried to find his belt. You could never see the look in his eyes as the first days of autumn arrived and the leaves started to shift into the golden color he loved so much.

You sit on your bed heavily, squeezing the shirt in your hold for a moment before it slips away from your fingers, your grip no longer strong enough to hold it. You lean back heavily against the pillows, crossing your arms over your chest, staring at the ceiling. You can still see the patterns in the wood, the patterns Haldir stubbornly insisted looked like a wolf, and a tear ran down your cheek and into your ear. The wetness was uncomfortable, but your arms felt so heavy that you chose not to wipe it away. The silence in the room was deafening. You closed your eyes, tears slipping out, listening to the sounds of the trees outside. Everything was so calm and still that you smiled a little, exhaling.

When the elves came to fetch you for the ceremony, they found you, laying on the bed. Your arms are neatly folded, eyes closed, chest still and unmoving. Your last tears were still drying on your cheeks. They were saddened by what they found but not too surprised. They knew you would leave soon after him. Your love had been too strong.

You and Haldir were laid to rest, side by side, in the forest, next to the one three you had exchanged your wows. As the ceremony was finished, it started raining. Large drops of water hit the ground, wetting everything, even the sky seeming to grieve the loss of the two that had been so in love.

- -

When you opened your eyes, you met the grey ones you had missed so dearly. Haldir's eyes were happy yet they held a solemn look as he helped you up.
"I don't expect you here so soon." He told you, brushing his fingers on your cheek.
"I did t have the strength to continue without you." You whispered, leaning to rest your forehead against his.

Just something short and angsty I stitched together while laying in bed when I couldn't sleep. I don't know if it's good, but hey, at least I wrote something...