We've watched it All Fall Down in the first book.
Now let's take a journey and see if things change or if they remain the same.
MUST READ "ALL FALLS DOWN"
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I stood there looking in the mirror not recognizing the person I had become. I was turning into a monster. Something I didn't want to become. I let alcohol and drugs consume me to the point that nothing else mattered to me.
All I wanted was to feel that numb feeling all the time. I didn't want to feel the pain of betrayal or the pain of not having my mom or brother here.
These past couple months everything I've been holding in crept up on me and took by surprised. All the pain,anger, sadness shit every emotion I had been keeping bottled up took over me and I became a wreck.
I didn't know how to handle them and It didn't help that I pushed everyone away so I was stuck handling them alone when I didn't know how to. And the fact that I didn't know how to handle them made it easier for me to fall addict to the drugs and alcohol.
When I was under the influence it became easier for me to forget about everything. The world was a different place for me.
I actually felt happy. I felt like I was more than a worthless piece of shit. I was numb to the fact that I was hurting everyone around me.
Now that I was sober I was seeing just how fucked up everything was. Everything I was feeling before was fake and now I was faced with the horrible reality.
I chose the easy way out of my problems and my brother was paying the consequences by fighting for his life in a hospital bed.
I neglected him when he needed me the most. He's a teen boy trying to get adjusted to the way life works and I left him hanging.
I know it's not gonna be easy to recover from this but I have to. I have to get clean and quit for the sake of my family.
I know I won't be able to quit cold turkey because It was gonna be easier for me to relapse but I was willing to get the help I needed. I wasn't about to go to rehab but I was going to find other ways to help me out.
"Dave you good in there?" I heard Jungle yell from the other side of the door
"Yeah" I yelled back.
I quickly changed into the pair of clothes they brought me before walking out.
As I walked out I looked around the room and couldn't believe I actually let my room because this dirty. It looked like a damn pig sty
I looked over at Mugga who had a mug on his face. I know this is the last place he's tryna be but I still appreciated him being here.
"You ready to head out?" He said
"Uh almost. How about you guys go and I'll meet you guys there" I told them.
True be told I was scared to show my face at the hospital. I was scared of what everyone's rejection was going to be.
I didn't want to feel my family's rejection so I was trying to stall on going. I also didn't want to see my brother in a hospital bed
It was taking everything in me not to break down and cry right now. It was my fault he was in this predicament.
"You sure man? Kain needs you" Jungle said looking at me with a confused facial expression
"Ima be there just need some stuff to handle but please be there with him and watch over him until I get there" I told them
Even though shit wasn't all peachy and shit between us I know they wouldn't leave Kain hanging.
"Don't worry man we got it but please show up"
"And sober. The last thing we need at a time like this is you being drunk and high off yo ass" Mugga said walking out
"Sorry man but he's still hurt" Jungle said
"It's cool. I deserve it"
"Well talk later but don't take long" He said walking out.
Once I heard the door close I took a deep breath exhaling as I walked to the closet. I opened the door reaching the box on the top shelf bringing It down
I walked over to my bed placing the box on the bed opening it up
There in the box laid what I've been putting off for months
The tape
I was so scared to see the outcome of the tape because I was scared to see that everything I thought would be right.
I still had some doubt that Desire would do me like that but a big part of me couldn't find another conclusion to the whole incident.
I grabbed the tape walking over to the tv inserting it as I took a seat on my bed. I grabbed the remote taking another deep breath as I pressed play.
As I watched a knot formed in the pit of my stomach seeing how hopeless she looked
I fast forwarded a bit but stopped when something caught my eye.
It was Jerome rubbing her belly.
I pressed play and listened to the convo
"I'm going to be an uncle?" Jerome asked smiling
I watched as Desire nodded her head looking scared as a smile formed on her face
"Yeah you're going to be an uncle" She cried
I watched as Jerome went crazy yelling things before pointing the gun back at her
It was getting so hard for me to keep watching but I needed answers.
I skipped more finally reaching the end
I watched as Desire pleaded for him not to kill himself but what shocked me the most was when he actually pulled the trigger.
By now my face was wet from the tears that were falling.
My brother committed suicide and killed my seed
She was pregnant. I still can't rap my head around the fact that I was going to be a father and my brother took that from me.
The only thing I wanted was to be a dad and have a child with Desire and to know that my own brother took that from me hurt me deep
And the fact that I treated her like shit and said all them hurtful things hurt me even more.
Now more than ever I was going to need to apologize.
Dave finally saw the tape
Now for those who are gonna say "Well didn't Desire and Kain tell him she was pregnant" Remember he was never sober. He was always drunk or high off drugs to the point where he would black out and not remember shit half the time.
He's slowly going to start remembering things when he has a talk with Desire.
