Lost Alpha

NuNew's Journal Entry September 24, 2024

Adjusting to life now that Hia is back to work, has been challenging. Nothing is wrong with Star, or me. Our lives are perfect. I just miss him.

I MISS YOU HIA! Come home early?

This is how I feel about one hour after he has left for the day, every day until he comes home.

I can't seem to get adjusted. Mom said it's part love, part hormonal. She makes it sound so clinical. All I know is that I miss him. Like an ache in my body. Nothing feels right. Is this what drug addicts feel like?

We practically attack the poor guy when he comes home.

I think it is unnatural for second-gendered families to spend so much time apart. Especially since we are biologically engineered to require regular pheromones from each other. Mating with someone is no joke. For the rest of our lives, Hia and I will need to be in physical proximity otherwise we will suffer.

Star also needs scenting multiple times a day, but as she gets older, she will need it less and less. When she transitions to her second gender, depending on what her second gender is, her pheromone needs will change again. 

I wonder what her second gender will be. Statistically, because we are both second-gendered, she has a higher likelihood of being second-gendered too. And because she is female and female alphas, like male omegas, are not as common she is probably going to be an omega.

I'm not sure how I feel about that. Am I a bad person if I don't want her to be an omega? It's not that there is anything wrong with being an omega. It's the way we are treated. Maybe it will be different for her. They say every generation becomes more open-minded than the last.

Things are shifting. I have noticed that traditional second-gendered families are not as common and that mixed families (beta + second-gendered) are becoming trendy. Maybe times are changing and as a race, we are becoming more progressive.

I can see how families like ours can seem stodgy and high maintenance. We have different needs and more restrictions than other gendered family types. We tend to be more hierarchical. Our second gender combined with the mating bite, dictates certain behaviors that observed from the outside make it look like we are preprogrammed robots. Maybe my generation does not want to be restricted.

But that is a perception. It is not a reality. Unfortunately, a lot of people believe we are like some religious cult and that our independence is controlled. I know my generation wants more freedom, and I do too, but I don't feel constrained. But then again, I can't go on a bestie's spa trip weekend anymore unless I bring the entire fam-bam. What do I do if I have a book signing event out of town? I can see how it would be considered restricting. I don't know, I guess you find a way, right? I was raised in a happy traditional family, so all of this seems like normal life stuff.

The other misinformed opinion is that one gender is stronger than the other and dominates and bullies the weaker gender. But that is a very ignorant way of thinking of it. Sure, it is possible, like every other population we have bad people who are abusive, but that is rare. Most of us are happily mated.

Knowing how our family will be perceived, how do I provide Star with the resilience and self-esteem she will need if she is an omega? I am worried that our more traditional second-gendered lifestyle may further force her into that gendered role. What type of example should we be for her? How should we set up our household and family values to help her become the best version of herself?

If I am being honest with myself, I am afraid of her being hurt. She will surely deal with the bias that comes along with being an omega. More so than I ever did. I may be an omega, but I am also male. My first gender carries with it a prestige that puts me somewhere equal to a beta.