Lost Alpha

Journal January 02, 2024

What was supposed to be a calm little get-together for New Year's Eve turned into a bit of a calamity. That is a literary way of saying it was a shitshow! I was supposed to spend NYE with James at his house. Then Max had a work thing, so we got Jelly. YAY! Dr.'s orders are I cannot see anyone but James and Nat. Guess who showed up?

Max ditched his NYE party, he missed Nat, and showed up after midnight with 2 men I don't know. James won't let him inside because of me. Nat goes outside to try and talk to Max. It's too late, the alphahole is already in an alpharage. He thinks Nat is hiding another alpha.

I am spitting like a cornered cat. James is trying to calm me down. Max is threatening to break down the door. James lures me to his bedroom and gives me headphones. He is such a clever minx. His plan worked. I have no idea what happened after that. I only remember being woken up once. James told me the rest of what happened.

In a nutshell, the alphahole had a temper tantrum, A.K.A. an alpharage because he thinks there is another alpha in the house that Nat is hiding. I mean why else would Jelly run out of the house without his jacket on? Because Jelly is such a slut that he wiggles his ass for anyone. Seriously, what an alphahole. I have never met a better-behaved omega then Nat.

When James went outside, he tried to take control of the chaos but by this point Max is being held back by his two friends. One of whom is Film, a famous actor, OMG, who I would have loved to meet under other circumstances. How random.

Film and Net, the two friends with Max don't understand why we won't let Max look around because that would resolve everything. James and Nat are adamant no one can go inside because they are trying to protect me.

So, Max and his lizard brain decides to force his way in, and used his alpha voice on James and Nat. He used the VOICE! That is a big no no. Between mates, that is sometimes okay, but it must be consensual. I don't know why, people have kinks, I guess. To use your voice on an omega who is not your mate, especially one that does not have a mate to protect them, can result in jail time.

Because Nat is Max's omega, Nat is completely helpless against him and prostates himself immediately. The two guys holding Max are now yelling at Max and trying to drag him away, but it was useless. He was in a full on alpharage and shook them off easily.

No one had used the voice on either omega before. Nat...Jelly was so upset that he broke up with Max as soon as he was freed. James told me it felt like a force was pushing him mentally to his knees. He struggled and fought the command and for a second, he thought his will would win out. But Max used the voice on him again.

'ON YOUR KNEES, OMEGA!'

James could not resist after that. He was on the ground next to Nat. Both were crying. Nat kept saying he was sorry over and over again. James said he was so under Max's control that he could not even console Nat. They could not even look up when Max busted down James' door while fighting off his friends.

James' front door was broken in pieces. That I saw for myself. I completely freaked out when I saw it. Now I know what that vibration that woke me up was. Part of me is grateful I slept through everything and a darker part of me is feeling more vigilant than ever. He could have killed Strawberry while I was defenseless. I know Max would never do that but tell that to my crazy pregnancy instincts.

Anyway, as soon as the door opened, they smelled me. I mean Max and Film did. Net is a beta so he smelled nothing. Max was so confused. He was expecting to find an alpha but all he found was an empty room and the pheromones of a pregnant omega. Obviously, he knows my scent, so he recognized me right away.

Who knows what that alphahole was thinking because he did not stop there. There was no alpha, so even in his enraged state, he should have stopped immediately and began groveling at Nat's feet. I guess he was curious or did not believe his nose because he went through the house and the three males found me pregnant and asleep on James' bed.

After that the cops showed up. A neighbor called. By then Max had released the two omegas from the voice command and was begging a hysterical Nat to forgive him. Nat was so terrified that he hid behind Film. I even felt a little sorry for Max when I heard that. There is no bigger failure as an alpha.

Meanwhile, Net was holding and consoling James. James was scary quiet and not responsive. It worried everyone. I have never been under the influence of the voice; I can only imagine what a violation it is. James said it made him feel dirty and powerless. He did not want to talk about it much. He said it was like having his mind raped. That is not the first time I have heard it described that way.

Now, Max is in custody. Nat lost his alpha and boyfriend. James is scarred for life. All because of me. I don't take responsibility for what Max did. I am not one of those narcissistic martyrs. Max is a pig and there is no excuse. But if I was not pregnant, Jelly would not have kept secrets from Max and his alpha would not have been triggered. But because my besties were trying to shield me, they both were hurt.

It is hard for me not to blame Zee for this. If he was here with me, I would not need two omegas to protect me. I know he did not know when he left that I was pregnant, but he was irresponsible and cruel to me. And it hurts. It hurts so much. Everything feels out of control. And I feel so helpless and scared. I hate him but at the same time we need him so much. Why did I let this happen. Why suddenly, did Zee seduce me? I was doing so well without him.

Maybe I need to stop considering his feelings so much and start thinking about the people who are present and do care about me. Not some guy who screwed me and ditched me and went to the most remote place in the world leaving me with the consequences. He knew we had unprotected sex. He knew and did not bother to have the decency to talk to me and make sure I was okay before he left the country. I am done with telling myself to move past this. Look what considering Zee's feelings did to my friends and Max.

This is bad it is so bad, and it is all because of me.

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate that alphahole.