Lost Alpha

Journal December 8, 2023

I have the worst luck. Seriously! At this point, all I can do is laugh.

Guess where Zee is?

AFRICA

Specifically, the country of Mali. I didn't even know there was a country called Mali. I had to ask Google. Hia is with a Non-Government Organization, NGO, Engineers Without Borders, EWB. WTH is EWB? I had to look that up too. It's like Doctors Without Borders, but for engineers.

What is Zee doing in Mali you ask? He is part of a project that will bring water and electricity to schools in the Sahara Desert.

How nice...now get your ass back here. You're having a baby!

This explains why he has not been on social media or answered any of my messages. I almost wish he was ghosting me. At least I could hunt him down and make him do his duty towards his child.

Is it weird that I am laughing right now? WTAF is happening?

I found out yesterday when I met James and Nat for lunch yesterday, I asked them to help me find Zee. Jelly was all, 'Finally', and began furiously typing. I was expecting to get a current phone number and email. I was definitely not expecting this.

Anyway, according to Max, Zee is a volunteer at EWB. He designed a solar electrical system that could withstand extreme weather conditions. That should have been the end of his involvement, but the engineer who was supposed to install the solar system had an emergency and could not go. Zee was his emergency backup, so he got a call. And just like that, my alpha went to Africa.

Great. This is un(fucking)believable. Now what do I do? I have all his contact information, but he is in the middle of the Sahara Desert.

I am learning all sorts of things today. Did you know the Sahara Desert covers most of North Africa? It is 9,200,000 square kilometers and is the largest hot desert in the world. I would have better luck finding a needle in a haystack then to go look for Hia. There go my thoughts of flying to Africa to find him.

Bottom line, he is in the middle of nowhere. He may as well be on the moon.

This has got to be a joke. He literally went to one of the few places left in the world that has no cellular or internet connection.

I keep waiting for someone to jump out and say, "You've been punked." Then show me the secret cameras that have been filming me.

This can't be real.

I don't even know how long he will be gone. Max told Nat that Hia could be out there for a long time. Like many months. If a couple is 2, and a few is three or more, how much is many? 4 months or more? Is he going to miss the entire pregnancy?

Calm down mamma.

It's not completely hopeless. At some point he will have to get supplies. He told Max if he finds himself in a city that has internet, he will check in. That is so vague. On an unspecific day, Zee will check in, in an unspecified way during the many months he is in Africa.

Check in with who? Check in how? Nat thinks he means email. Okay let's say he is correct. What, am I supposed to do, email him? How can I guarantee he will even read my email? And how am I supposed to tell him he is going to be a father over an email? What is the protocol for notifying your friend/one-night stand that they are your baby daddy over email?

This is ridiculous. I am so ANGRY right now.

YOU ARE AN ALPHAHOLE ZEE PRUK PANICH!!!!!!

I swear, if I make it through this pregnancy, I am going to disappear with Strawberry. I want nothing to do with you ever again, Zee Pruk. I hate you. You jerk. I can't believe you left without a word. You used me, impregnated me and now you are out there checking things off your bucket list. Well fuck you alphahole!

What am I going to do? What about Strawberry. The book said a pregnant omega needs their alpha during the pregnancy. The book made it sound serious. What will happen to us?

I need to ask Dr. U. what happens if there is no alpha during pregnancy?

I can't write anymore. My emotions are all over the place. I am not even making sense to myself. I am exhausted. Good night.