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(Thirty six hours later) ~ Excruciating. That's the only word I can use to describe the pain level. I woke maybe ten minutes ago and the whole time I've just laid here crying. I couldn't bring myself to pressing that red button just yet because I wanted time to process.
After a while I was just happy to be alive. Caesarean births scare me. I didn't want to do it, but I had to. I wanted my babies more than I cared about the pain and the healing that comes now. I got my breathing together and wiped my cheeks before pressing the button.
Deep breath's Mercy. Deep fucking breaths.
The doors burst open nurses and the doctor filling the room. I mean there's no emergency I just needed to let them know I'm awake.
"Ms. Caddel can you say something for me?" Dr. Neil's asked shinning that bright light in my eyes and checking my vitals.
"Yeah." I groaned. "Can you get me some of the hard shit?"
She laughed— but I'm dead ass.
"I'd loose my job if I gave a recovering addict drugs. You'll have your pain meds in just a few, give me a deep breath.
Fuck, that'll work to. I do as instructed and wince as one of the nurses checked my stomach. "Sorry, one more deep breath."
"It's fine." I assure and whimper but still take the breath anyways.
"Perfect, you'll heal just nicely. Being healthy helps a lot and you're about as healthy as it gets."
That's a relief. "What about my babies, are they here? Can I see them?" I asked Niels specifically. She finished with her checkup and gave me a small smile.
"Your babies are fine."
"And the girl?" I asked before I actually take that breath that's so needed at the moment.
"She's in the ICU, surgery went well we're monitoring her now. If all goes as planned like I know it will she'll only be there for 2 to 4 days."
I thanked the heavens while letting out a sob of happiness. It hurt so much to cry but fuck it felt so good at the same time.
"I'll explain your recovery as well as when you'll be able to leave here. I will tell you now that she will not be able to leave the hospital when you do but your boys are more than able to be brought home after 24 hours."
"Wait, so we'd have to leave her here? Alone?"
"You can always come and visit until it is safe for her to join you. Your baby is in safe hands, nothing and I mean absolutely nothing is going to happen to her. Not while I'm here."
Hearing that didn't ease my heart at all. I don't trust strangers, sure I've known Dr. Niels for half of my pregnancy but that's my baby. I knew that it's unavoidable and I had to do what's best for her so I just nodded. She went on to explain everything else and I listened carefully so I wouldn't miss anything.
