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~laying in bed watching Tv I tried focusing on the movie I had been watching but it was useless. I kept switching between it and my phone eventually getting tired of both. Onyx was in the living room with Elijah while he finished his project
I swear he loves him more than me now and I'm the one who never calls him a mutt. Elijah does every morning and yet he follows him around the house like a lost puppy.
Well he is a puppy.
Once my phone starts vibrating on the side of my head I quickly grabbed it. My heart dropped to my ass at the contact name. Swiping to answer quickly I sat up in the bed placing the phone to my ear.
"Mom?"
{...my love, hey}
"Hey." I said back still shocked I'm even hearing her voice "is everything okay? Did something happen?"
She laughed lightly {no sweetheart everyone is fine.}
"That's good." I breathed laying back in the bed. "Why'd you call? I mean I'm glad you did but it's kinda unexpected."
I could hear her sigh on her end {can I see you? I would like to see your face.}
"Yea, give me a second."
I turned the lamp on, on the end table before we switched the call to FaceTime. I hit pause on my movie. She smiled at me and I felt my oncoming tears threatening to spill. My mother is so pretty to me and she means so much to me that it feels good to even be looking at her.
{why're you crying my love?}
"It's just so good to hear from you, to see you." I laughed "I've missed you."
{I've missed you too Mercy so much}
"Then why haven't you called or even texted me?"
{I am so sorry...about everything. I was selfish baby and I shouldn't have pushed you away when you needed me most.} she cried {I don't know how to handle you growing up and I know that's no excuse for any of the shit I said to you... it's weird knowing that you don't need me anymore that I'm no longer needed.}
"Mom you will always be needed. I will always need you regardless if I have my shit together or not. No matter how old I get I'll always need my mom... why would I not need the person who loves me the most?"
I watched this woman go through shit no one person should ever deal with. She went through some really hard times and cried herself to sleep because of it. The thing is she still got up every morning and raised me. She did her best even if I made the shit hard she did her best and that's all I can ask for.
I never wanted her to be perfect. I never wanted her to believe that she had to be. I was just glad I had someone who cared enough to deal with all my bullshit when the rest of the world couldn't. "I love you and that is never going to change. I don't care if we don't talk for years I will always love you."
