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~ A baby shower. When my mother mentioned it I automatically threw up in my lap. The idea to me was sickening, not because of it's gifts or anything but because of the people.
The closer I get to having these kids the more my nerves start to get worse. I don't know why but I have this fear of not being able to protect them from shit. I can do that with them being inside me but once there out in the real world it's so different.
My doctor calls it's separation anxiety, I don't want to part from them just yet. That's not true because as I sit here on this nicely decorated chair, staring at the decorations in Elizabeth's living room in my uncomfortable but pretty baby shower dress... I want nothing more than to have my body back to myself!
The issue is that once they come I have no doubt that I'm going to be shaking in my skin, but I want them safe just as they are now, bunched up in my tummy.
I chewed on my lip hands in my lap listening as the women gossiped and laughed. The party planner did an amazing job and I appreciated the fact that Elizabeth held it in her home. My moms are here. Elijah's moms— Eliza who I give a small smile to.
As if that's invitation to come and speak to me she walks over, a glass of chardonnay in her hand. There wasn't any alcohol, but she brought her own.
"You're glowing darling, so beautiful." She says leaning down to hug me. I reciprocate the warmth, I mean the lady didn't do anything to me. I was shocked though when she showed up, Eli was shocked when I texted him that she showed up.
"Thank you, you look amazing as well." That's not a lie, she looks happy. She always looks happy.
"You take compliments much better than when we first met. I remember how tensed you were when I hugged you... I see my son must be doing something right then."
"Eli, is amazing. You are right though, he's helped me a lot. I'm more than happy to here what you think of me." I laugh lightly.
"Oddly enough I understand what you mean. So, I don't know if it's intruding or anything but have you guys picked out names?"
I nodded. "Yeah, but it's a surprise. The names are special for us and our friends."
We got around to telling everyone about the babies a few days before the shower. There were a lot of tears which made me cry and Elijah cry, Nathan cried it was just a lot.
"What about the genders? I know you said to do gender neutral stuff but I'm curious." She beamed while quickly pulling up a seat beside me. I could see it in her eyes that she's really excited and that took a little bit of pressure from me I feel.
"I guess it won't hurt. I'm having two boys and a girl." I say proudly because, I am proud of my babies.
"That's beautiful. She's going to have so many men to protect her and you of course but it's nothing better than brotherly love and we all know Elijah's going to spoil her." She smiles.
