Haze of Bliss • jjk x reader

39 In The Dark

In the last three months things had gotten worse. It felt as if you were pushing a boulder up a steep hill, only for it to keep rolling back on you. Despite your best effort, Geto had been acting more and more depressed. He often refused food, and you became worried he would pass out from it. He didn't do much besides take missions and stay at the school, but even then, he was worse after every mission. You were unsure why, since you both were forced to start doing missions alone. After all, was there really any need for two special grades to take on a much weaker curse? It would be a waste of the little manpower sorcerers had.
Your schedules didn't always line up, but you tried to be with him anytime they did. On top of trying to be your best for Geto, you found yourself reverting back to your old mindset. Overthinking every little thing, every one of your actions. You were beginning to feel anxious again, mind racing, heart beating unsteadily, stomach queasy.

And even if you didn't mean to, you were starting to resent Gojo. None of this had started until he left.

No, maybe it wasn't that.

I'm not doing something right, something to help Suguru. I just don't know what it is.

Was it your fault though? No, none of this had happened until Toji Fushiguro. The name was beginning to leave a nasty taste in your mouth. A lot of this must have been his fault.

Even so, his actions hadn't effected you much. You were ready to forget and move on like normal. But the other two weren't. Something had happened to Gojo during that fight. You were unsure as to what. Maybe the fact that Fushiguro had beaten him first, which led to the chain reaction of the vessel being killed? He had unlocked an entire new skillset, was he simply focused on that? But why do it alone? Hadn't he been the one to say people didn't have to be alone? And Geto, you didn't know the thoughts thats ran through his head. He refused to tell you. But it was something that was changing him drastically.

You hated it all.

You had finally reached a point in life where you were happy. Carefree. Had people you loved. You tried holding onto it, but it seemed to be slipping through your fingers. You weren't ready to let go, you would never be.

Song: Been Like This- Doja Cat

August of 2007

August of 2007, Geto finally told you what was on his mind. He had started by asking, "You weren't sure if you would stick around, so now that you've done it, will you stay?"

Your mouth parted, mulling over your answer. "As long as I have you and Satoru, I'll be a shaman the rest of my life."

"And if you don't have us? What would you do? Could you continue being a shaman?"

You frowned, scratching your brow. "I don't know. I have no idea what I would do in the real world, and I'm strong here. So I guess I would stay. It isn't like I care about exorcising curses, but I'm comfortable here."

"It isn't hard for you?"

"It is when I'm not with you. I don't care about just anyone. It sounds bad to say, but when people have died from curses I exorcise, it's nothing more than a number to me." You paused. "Is it getting hard for you?"

Geto shook his head, "I'm sick of exorcising and consuming, curse after curse after curse. For ugly humans that don't deserve it. But I knew this before becoming a shaman, and I still did it. I have an obligation to them as someone strong, yet..."

"You don't have an obligation to them." You frowned, "Not to anyone. People are terrible. I've never met so many good people until I came here. But you don't have to consume curses on behalf of someone else."