Psycho Love {Chaelisa}

33

LALISA MANOBAN'S POV

Gone.

She is gone.

She is gone just like that, leaving the bed empty, burying the hole deep inside of my heart. How can she be so cruel? Torturing me with her absence; no laugh, no voice, no words, no hit, no kiss, no hugs, no jokes.

Gone.

Gone just like the dust got carried away by the wind.

Gone just like the sand being washed away by the waves on the sea.

Gone like the loudest music room where the blackout suddenly happen.

Gone just like the singing without the music.

I..miss her.

It hurts so fucking deeply much. So fucking hurt that I don't know how to express my own feeling. I can't say I am hurt because hurt is just a simple word. The word itself doesn't sound convincing and same to as much as I am feeling these days.

I wake up all alone every single day to nothingness. Waiting every hour for someone that never come back. I look out at the window secretly to see if she come back with those cars driving in.

But no, she dont. She never come back.

I prayed. I prayed to every God. Fucking hell to god. None of them answered me. People tell me to always believe in God but now I know their God is fake. God doesn't exist. There is no god in this world.

If god really existed, why didn't he listen to my prayer? He could easily send me my wife back because he has the power to do so. But look. Look at what is happening to me. What am I doing right now? What had I become?

Rosie. I don't even know if my wife is still around or not but my hopes never fade. It never fade from believing she is still breathing and alive out there.

But I don't know why..

Why I feel so empty. I feel so fucking angry, frustrated, down, sorrowful and crying for days. I am not a crybaby but I cry a lot nowadays. I can't help it. I am scared. Is this how it feels like living a life without her by my side?

I don't want this. I don't fucking want this. I want her back.

Back.

I want my Rosie back.

I feel the sorrowful feeling despite having the high hopes she is still living out there. I don't even understand why. Was it because I had become so used to having her in my life? She fill the emptiness in my heart. She fill my life with the adventure of rough love, ironic romance, hot make up care, tender caress, soul calming, heating kiss, caring fights, jeleousy fire and ice freeze attitude.

As much as no one will understand what I thought of the way we love each other, no one will also understand how much we care for one another. I just miss her so much. I can't be like this. My heart doesn't feel okay. My heart doesn't feel right. It feels missing from my chest. I feel my heart isn't mine anymore in there. My heart feel like an abnormal beating heart that has no purpose to keep pumping.

My eyes is blurry. Maybe because I cry too much. Am I weak? I always thought of crying as weak but now I admit it, I am weak. I didn't cry for ages. It's been so many years long since I last cried but now, I cry more than ever. This is the first time I cry this hard and long over the same person over and over again.

"Rosie", I look at the picture in my hand. My eyes already pooling with tears as I feel the wretch in my heart began to crumble. "I miss you my love" I say to her smiling picture. That was the first smilling picture I took of her as candid while I tickle her. She didn't know I was holding a camera at that moment. I tickle her because I want to snap her happy face. I succeed that day and got this picture till now. It takes us days to make amend to each other after I upset her with the picture.

Speaking about the picture...

I smile. "You are silly chipmunk" I mumble. My mind picturing the face of my wife likes to eat secretly in night time because she is always feeling hungry. She sneaked out from the bed and head to the kitchen thinking I didn't even notice her absence.

But I did and I caught her Everytime. She eventually grew tired of it and then she just casually wake me up out of nowhere in any freaking am in the morning just to cook her food. Thinking about it always make me smile. How I caught her and become her full time chef afterwards because she is so used to me being noisy about her attitude.

Sadly..

I rub my thumb against the picture where Rosie cheeks stay put at. She look so beautiful. Even with this quick snap Candid, she is still looking so damn gorgeous in my eyes. How lucky I am to be able to fall in love with the most unique heart and received the bonus of pretty face wife at the same time.

But sad, it is just a memory. I've been living with our memory every single day. I think if this gets longer, I will die because of cardiac arrest.

God know how much it pain my heart.

But I can't die....yet. Not until I found my Rosie. No matter what she has become, she is my Rosie. If she is still living out there, she will be back here in our castle of romance. If she is..is...is..g..gone, then I will take my own life to be the soul ghost just like her. I already said my oath and vow that I will stay with her till eternity. Nothing will be able to separate us, Not even death.

"I love you" I mumble. My tears ran down on my cheeks as I kiss the picture frame where her forehead was stay put. I miss her, I miss her body warmth and touch. Kissing her picture didn't feel as much good as kissing the real her. The real her can play with the kiss to tease me. The real her will say I am silly for spoiling her like a spoiled rich woman. And she is right. I spoil her because I love to do so. I always will going to spoil her for our lifetime and take a good care of her from anything that become the threat to her. If I ever got her back in my arms again, I will protect her so damn hard that the hell and heaven will Never opens its gate to criminal and saints.

Heaven and Hell is Ours. Mine and hers.

I place the picture on my chest now. Sighing, I look up at the ceiling. It feels so dark here. So dark that I see no lights to show me which sides of tunnel I should walk forward to in this battle of darkness. That day she know that I was going to follow her. So, she asked those man to protect me secretly behind my back. I should had not underestimate her ability to read my mind. She know that I keep a hidden room where I put those team to protect her.

How can she be so careless? She should had told them to be the back up to her. She can't simply ask them to be my shield from danger. How can she be so reckless?

My wife...

The woman I thought care more about her own self before is actually caring more about me more than her own self. What had I thought before? I am such a useless woman. Although that I still love her no matter in what state she is, it doesn't wash away my guilt and remorse. She always made me believe she is selfish about her own self and I still love her so much because I love everything about her. I always be happy if she is happy but sometimes she irritate me for her selfishness. But now I fucking regret it.

I fucking regret my own self emotions of being irritated with her attitude because there lies a reason behind her selfishness. She looked like she never care about me this whole time but look at that. Look at that how she secretly protecting me behind my back.I was so damn played that I feel so stupid for not noticing anything. I thought I always be the only one to protect her with my own life and flesh. In fact, she already put her sacrifice in trades of my life to protect me.

Why Rosie? Why??

Why did you do this to me.? If this is her way to ask me to continue to live, she is wrong. I won't live knowing she die because of me.

Never.

Fucking Never.

Wherever she is, that is where I am belong to.

"We promised Infinity, remember?"

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17 April update. I will post 18 April update later.

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