My Muse || READER X RAY || The Promised Neverland

⭐ My Muse || Chapter 136

"Do you remember your name?"

"No."

"How old are you?"

"I don't know."

"Why were you out in the snow alone? Where's your family?"

"I- I'm sorry sir, I don't know."

He sighed deeply, placing a steaming cup of coffee on the table in front of me. "It's okay, child. There's no need to apologize." I picked it up, warming my palms against the hot porcelain. I couldn't remember a single thing. But for some reason, this felt familiar. Holding a cup with too much caffeine. Just little bits and pieces of the person who I was. "You happened to arrive in our annual six month snowstorm. It's just started and the nearest village is miles away. For now, I can give you a place to rest, and hopefully your memories will start to come back." I thanked him, taking a long sip from the cup.

I found my mind to be empty more often than not. I stared at the mirror for hours. "Who are you?" I whispered, my pointer finger just barely grazing the glass surface. The reflective surface started to blur, someone else appearing behind me. A boy with long black bangs was standing behind me. He was wearing a blue scarf and light gray sweater. I pulled my hand back, but the ghostly apparition in front of me didn't change. "What's my name?" I asked him, half expecting a response. He frowned before disappearing. My gaze from his spot in the mirror shifted back to myself. Tears were dripping from my cheeks. I didn't notice I was crying. He must've meant a lot to me.

I learned a lot about myself in my first month of solitude. I was missing my left ear. On the left side of my neck, there was a code consisting of five numbers. 70293. Maybe I was a prisoner, or a slave. My left calve had a long scar running down from to my ankle. My right leg's knee was discolored, like it had been through a lot of trauma. My chest had three barely noticeable marks running diagonally down, like I had fought a giant tiger or something. A wound, fresher than the others cut horizontally through my belly, but it was only a skin wound. I was such a mess. Perhaps I was a solider? But how old am I? I have boobs, so maybe I'm a teenager? Eighteen, nineteen is my best guess. And what is this thing? I held up the necklace that had been strung around my neck since the moment I was found. It's been acting like my compass. Whenever I did something I guess I used to like, it would start to flare up, like a fire. Apparently, I liked to drink coffee from mugs. Any cup that wasn't a mug made the little ruby in the center of the eye shaped locket water down into a very sad shade of faded crimson red. I liked to read books. I liked to lay down on couches. I laid down on the right side of the bed and the necklace went dark. I rolled my eyes, shifting to the left. "Happy now?" I laughed, tucking myself in. A single golden spark left the jewel, before it started to cry again. I imagine that I must've really liked the person who would be on my right.

"Was he handsome?" I asked, staring at the ceiling. I felt a pulse of heat in the center of my chest.

"Was he nice?" The fire seemed to vibrate, growing in and out of intensity. It almost as if it was laughing. "So a little bit," I chuckled.

I wonder if he's alive. I wonder if he's looking for me.

Ugh, how am I going to sleep with thoughts like this racing through my head? I pulled myself up, throwing the blanket onto the foot of my bed. "Grandpa!" I called, heading downstairs. A cold breeze of wind lapped at my ankles. "U-Ugh..." I shuddered, noticing the front door that had been left wide open. A fresh set of footprints had left the snowy front porch of our house. He must've gone there again. I slipped on a pair of shoes and a jacket and took the five minute walk to the graveyard he visited frequently.

"Does it still hurt?" I asked, kneeling by his side. He glanced at me sadly, his fluffy white beard littered with snowflakes. "Always, child. The heartbreak of losing your family is one that can never be healed." I nodded, understanding. I did feel a hole in me, somewhere inside my chest. No matter how many new memories I made, no matter how much I smiled, I had always felt... empty. "I wish I could've met them." I said, nudging his shoulder. He smiled sadly, patting my head. "I wish I could meet yours, if they're out there." I shrugged, offering my prayers to the stone tablets in front of me. "If they're looking for me. And besides, what could I do if we did meet? I'm not the person they knew before. I'd probably just end up disappointing them." Grandpa chuckled, pulling my head onto his shoulder. "Even if you're a different person, your spirit is the same. You can't replace a soul, you can only restart it. Somewhere inside of you, the memories still linger. All you have to do is push the right button."