My Muse || READER X RAY || The Promised Neverland

🖤 Ray #8 || EXTRA 🖤

I wanted to wake up to her cute sleeping face. 

Instead, it was Phil frantically shaking my shoulder and the cold laps of a vast blue ocean at my ankles. I sleepily opened my eyes. "y/n!" He was shouting, pinching my cheeks. "Ray! y/n's not here!" That's ridiculous. She's... She's probably stuck in a bush or something... Phil shook his head no, continuing to smack and pinch me. "She- She's really gone- I- I-" Tears started to run down his cheeks and I knew it was serious. I pulled myself up, scanning the beach around me. This place... It was so warm. I called her name, walking around the island. A large green statue stood stoically at the center, something like a book tucked underneath it's left arm. "y/n!" I continued to shout, holding Phil in my arms. At first, I thought you were lost. Maybe you really couldn't hear me. We'd never seen such a large body of water. It completely surrounded the place we'd landed on and stretched farther than the eye could see. The crashing of waves was deafening, the cerulean sea colliding against itself over and over again. And then I thought maybe you were enjoying the view. I started the small climb uphill to the statue. It shifted with every step I took. When I reached out to touch it, my hand phased right through. It was a hologram, like the one the pen displayed. I frowned. I didn't believe she was gone. It took me ten laps of the island to realize it. She had lied. 

"Of course there was a price!" I shouted, clenching my fists. My chest was burning with anger and sadness, my head felt like exploding. "I knew it! I knew something was wrong!" Norman had an equally dark expression. He had fallen to his knees, completely distraught. "I was so careless." He hissed, biting his nails. I could hear my heart crack inside of my chest. It sounded like a vase, dropped straight onto the floor. Not one vase though. Thousands. Jars, glasses, windows, beaten with bats and thrown into walls. That's what my heartbreak sounded like. I couldn't breathe. My chest felt like it was being squeezed of all air. I couldn't breathe without her. I couldn't live without her. She's the only reason I'm alive. She's the only reason I didn't burn myself that day. She wanted me to live. She wanted me to be by her side. So why did she do this? Where do I go now? How can I go on without you? My whole body was shaking. I had cracked. I had broke. 

"You should be more grateful to the Ratris," Emma had said, visiting me in my room. If y/n was here, we'd probably be reading a book together. Instead, I was alone. And I would be for the rest of my life. "They took us in, and you haven't even said thank you to y/n's great uncle." "The only fucking Ratri I ever gave shits about is dead." I hissed, pulling my blanket over my head. I missed her. I missed her so much. Emma touched my shoulder, and I batted her hand away instantly. My voice was colder than I intended it to be.  "It's easy for you to say because you got to keep your stupid lover boy Oliver. I didn't. I lost her. I lost y/n." "Why do you think you're the only one who's suffering, idiot?" She smacked my back, voice sharp and angry. "We all lost y/n. Everyone lost her. Everyone misses her. Norman hasn't stopped crying since that day. Zack hasn't spoken a single word to anyone, Yuugo hasn't smiled or told a single dad joke, and what you're doing is by far the most cowardly!" Her weight at the foot of my bed suddenly released, her angry stomps moving towards my door. "If y/n could see you now, she'd dump you! Dumbass!" She slammed it behind her, heavy steps echoing down the hallway. A small folded piece of paper fell from my nightstand. I sighed, picking it up. It's that thing Isabella gave me after she was stabbed. I hope she's doing alright. I unfolded the tiny film. 

The first picture I took with my camera was a picture of her. 

I wasn't lying. I love you, y/n. I touched her tiny face in the photo, her cute face giving me a confused, unaware grin. You were surprised when the camera flashed in your face, so I got to keep this memorabilia of one of your most rare expressions. You always make this face when I kiss you. A little shocked, but happy. Your lips just barely tilted upwards and your eyes seemed to smile for you. "Emma's right..." I whispered, kissing her face on the photo. "I'm being a baby." 

Wait for me, y/n. Because this time, I have a plan. You're not dead. You wouldn't die so easily. And if you had worded The Promise exactly as you said, that God couldn't have killed you either. I'll find you. I'll come and find you no matter what it takes. And then we'll live, together. That was the first time I had left my room in a month. Everyone's eyes widened as I called for their attention. I glanced at Yuugo, who was leaning on the kitchen counter, sipping from a large mug of coffee. She used to do that every morning. Norman was puffing Jemima's pigtails in her place. His eyes were still filled with tears. I heard the soft thudding of a punching bag a few rooms over. Zack must've been using her workout therapy. Emma was right. We all missed her. And that's why we won't give up. 

My light, my life, my purpose, my muse. I'll definitely find you.