My Muse || READER X RAY || The Promised Neverland

🔒 My Muse || Chapter Sixty One

"He kissed you?" Ray hissed, laying on my bed. His glare was colder than usual, a look of hurt and betrayal on his face. Why is he in my fucking room? Didn't he go into his own after that hissy fit before?

Then it hit me. That wasn't my bed. And this wasn't my room. It was Ray's and I hadn't been paying enough attention to notice.

I should explain or apologize. 

But what do I have to apologize for? He's the on playing the jealousy game. And I didn't lie. 

"Yeah." I replied, giving him an equally aggressive glare. "He did."

He took a deep breath, his exhale blowing away his bangs. "Okay. Cool. I don't care anyways. I was just curious." His expression turned into a poker face so quickly, I thought I was seeing things. My head started to pound, along with some strnage cracking noise it seemed only I heard. My chest... Hurt so much... My mouth quivered, one question escaping from my lips. "Did you ever care, Ray?" When my lowered eyes finally met his, he was filled with regret. His eyebrows were furrowed downwards, mouth gaped open like he wanted to say something. 

I waited. But all he did was stare at me with those eyes. 

I shouldn't be the one always reaching out. I thought I made him happy. But if it was that easy for him to cling onto another girl, then I was never special all along. "I'm- I'm going to bed. Please don't speak to me anymore." I stuttered out, gently closing the door behind me. 

That noise... That soft shattering echo was still playing in my head. Was it my heart? Is how a broken heart sounds? 

I fell to my knees the moment I entered my room. Could I ever say that to him? "I- I don't- I don't care." The words burned bitterly in my mouth, something I could never say to anyone. "He- He doesn't care?" I whispered, wiping the tears away from my eyes. I couldn't believe he had said that. I just- I didn't know what to think. I had so much on my mind. Goldy Pond. My family. All the cattle children. My parents. The Promise. And I thought Ray would have my back going through it all. Mujika said my parents started it together, for love. But how am I supposed to fix everything when I'm alone? 

I crawled onto my bed, sniffing away my tears. Everything hurt. My heart, my throat, my head and my eyes. I unclipped the stupid necklace and threw it onto the floor. I wanted to go home. I wanted to go back home. With Isabella, and Norman and Connie. What became of Isabella? Did they kill her after she failed to control her livestock? And Norman? I wish I could see him again, so, so, so, much. I wanted to see his glistening blue eyes, that always cheerful smile and happy words and attitude. If Norman were here, everything would be fine. 

I started to cry again, thinking about everyone we'd lost. I fell asleep soon after. 

"Why did you fail us? " When I opened my eyes, James Ratri and my mother loomed over me. "Why haven't you healed The Promise yet? " 

My body was frozen in fear, my mouth zipped shut as they continued to ask me questions. "Why did you let us die in vain? " Tears came to my eyes again, their pale faces growing closer and closer. "You're a failure, y/n. You failed us. You're disgusting. You killed us. You killed them all."

"y/n."

"y/n."

"y/n!" 

A... dream..? I rubbed my swollen eyes, trying to see who had woken me up. It was no use. I couldn't see shit. "Yuugo?" I muttered, noticing the figure's messy black hair. "You were having a nightmare, y/n." He said, gently nudging my cheek. I exhaled, relieved that it wasn't real. "You can go back to bed." His voice was strained, like a whisper. I felt his hand leave my cheek and I grabbed it. "Can you stay?" I asked, pulling him closer. I wiggled closer to the wall, patting the empty area next to me. He chuckled, laying down. "Okay, you little weirdo." I blushed, turning towards the wall. I felt his arms sneak around my waist, gently pulling onto his chest. He was warm. I felt comfortable and safe. A familiar scent started to surround me, reminding me of the home I so desperately wanted to return to. 

"Hey, Yuugo." I whispered, intertwining our fingers. 

"Hmm?" He replied, nestling his head into my hair. 

I held his hand closer to my eyes, inspecting them closely. "Why didn't you call me Princess? Or Sweetheart?" 

"If it makes me look like I appreciate you and love you, I will." When he spoke normally I realized it wasn't Yuugo. Ray pulled his hands away from my face, instead squishing my cheeks gently. "W-What?" I trembled, nearly pushing him away. He held his ground, hugging me close. "I'm sorry, y/n. I care about you. I care about you the most in this world." I started to hiccup, my heart confused with all of the tears I'd cried in one day. He kissed the back of my neck and pulled me back into his chest. "Get some sleep, we'll talk tomorrow. You're tired, y/n." 

Ray was right. I was tired. My eyes were still swollen and my throat was now suffering with hiccups. He held me so gently, enveloping me in his warmth. Is this okay? To still want to forgive him?