#rantable2.0

rest in paradise corey haim

so today is the day that corey haim collapsed and died of pneumonia at the young age of 38.

i woke up this morning and i was brushing my teeth in my bed like i always do, watching vines. and i was thinking of river phoenix whose vine edits i was watching (EDIT) which led me to thinking of corey haim and then i started printing out pictures of him on my laptop. and i set them on my dresser so that when i got home from school i could light a candle in memory of him with pictures nearby and pray and talk to him and all that.

for some reason i was unusually happy that morning considering the fact that he died today umm ?? but i was just so happy that someone like him got to experience this world even though he was taken too young.

i was also happy because i knew that he'd gone through severe drug abuse and he's been sexually abused which spiraled him into the romanticized world of drugs and so called hollywood glamor that he felt the need to lie about being out of when he was in fact still on drugs near the time of his death. the reason i was happy is because i knew that he was so unhappy when he grew older and his career was declining and he gained a lot of weight, had no friends and no car... but he was taken out of his misery with a painless death.

i also kept thinking it was his birthday. anyway, i imagined that he was somewhat near me the whole school day just to feel a sense of comfort. i wasn't sad for the entire school day and i didn't cry or anything. i went to my mom's job and by the time i left i had shed a few tears but i didn't wanna cry in front of everyone and worry them so when my sisters drove me home i slowly walked into my room and started bawling as i watched these fucking edits of him that make me SO sad.

throughout the day i posted happy edits of him on snap because i don't want his death to be a negative thing -- it's not exactly a happy day but we don't have to he so down in the dumps about it. he's not gone, he's just in a better place and believe me , the kid fucking deserves it.

anyway, i cried when i got to my room because i was just so upset that someone like him had to go so early but i do think it was his time. with river, i know he still had a lot of things he wanted to do and i think it wasn't his time. but with corey, he had been through so much shit. and lived his whole life feeling like no one truly loved him and i think that his death is a symbol of how strong he was throughout all that shit he took.

i think i'm contradicting myself here... anyway, i love corey so much. i couldn't bring myself to watch his movies and have a marathon like i said i would because that would drain me. i think i'm pmsing. i also am going to light my candle for him tomorrow when the day isn't so hectic.

6 years without the phenomenal haimster 12/23/71-3/10/16 - so much more than just a prettyboy 80s idol.

#zuzaf