i just don't get it. how can you write your vows and say you'll be together only to separate sooner or later?
like for instance, with my parents. i never talk about them together, i only rant about my mom or my dad, never the both of them.
and it's like, they never talk to each other except to scream at each other. my mom keeps saying she's gonna get rid of him(divorce) because he really does stress everyone out. i don't wanna get into his personality but he's seen a lot of things as a kid that no one should see. he's literally traumatized and due to his career as a pharmacist, he hasn't gotten enough sleep for 40+ years, don't tell me that's not a mood changer.
but they're still together. it makes me upset because it's clear that my dad is really trying to get my older sisters to show love for him but they've lost interest. i'm literally the only one who will be kind with him most of the time in our immediate family.
it makes me so sad how somebody can look at someone else and equate them to their everything, to looking at someone else and equating them to the reason for everything bad in their life. it's complicated for me to type out but it makes so much more sense in my mind.
i do not want my mom and dad to divorce. i know that it will be so much better on my family. but i don't want to come home to just my mom and my sisters & eventually just my mom because my sisters are growing up & they're planning on going to medical school.
like it's so lonely. and i want to be able to stay in contact with my dad but sometimes i fear that i won't be able to if they divorce. and he's from nigeria, so i'm scared that he'll go back.
like he stresses me out to the max, but i know he's really trying. i know that he gets genuinely upset when him and my mom argue and he has shown that he wants the best for his daughters, but he hasn't shown that with my mom.
also i'm scared that he's getting sick. he has diabetes and he has had diabetes. but for a year now he has this weird odor to him & i know it sounds funny like lol but it's not. my mom & i have noticed it but he hasn't and it's just weird. it's not like a people smell, like how some people smell like toothpaste or whatever, it's weird.
anyways, i'm about to shower and prepare to wear this whole crop top thing tomorrow woot woot.
also i have to do math homework & study for the test tomorrow smh. because i woke up at 3 and literally stayed in bed all day lol.
have a nice day xo
#zuzaf
