i'm so sad river corey and leo are so perfect i legitimately cry over them 3/3 of them are angels and 2/3 had to go where angels belong aw aw i miss them and river missed out on a lot. i think he would've been happy w the way things were going today damn i wish he had never od and i wish he had been taken seriously when he said "i don't feel so well man, i think i'm od'ing" and maybe that way he wouldn't have collapsed and died on the sidewalk outside of the viper room aw no.
and i wish corey had had a happier childhood and i wish i could look at charlie sheen the same way but now i can't bc i really do suspect he's the man that took advantage of corey. and i wish feldman had taught him better and i wish they weren't just two qt 14 year old boys they were so close damn.
and i wish feldman was with corey in a way so he could be with his nearly life long best friend. idk why i get so emotional over them like the obsession started recently but after i got to know their characters and "them"(quotes around them since river always lied in interviews) i'm like heartbroken that they're gone aw. at least we've still got leo but if he dies too young i will lose my shit.
perooo, let's talk about river.
i could literally go on and on about him. i knew him since last year on my bday i found out about him and i was like oh cool & then i found out he died at 23 and it was just scary because all i had to do was look at both the dates and i didn't do any math to figure it out. aug 1970 - october 1993. so i was just like damn.
and idk he's just so perfect. for one, he's gorgeous. i meaaan, have you seen his fucking hair. two, he was so woke. about everything. but he didn't like to share that in commercials and stuff. i guess he didn't really like the spotlight, idk he wasn't easy to read.
and people always think he's high in interviews cuz he takes these really weird quick breaths and he's pretty like shy and idk he sounds like he smoked something before interviews: his voice is so relaxed and calm. but guys that's literally how he talks lol and he was scared on camera he never liked doing interviews. i remember i watched an interview and he was so eager to get outta there lmaoo. and he's so awkward sometimes and i def felt that awkwardness when joan rivers interviewed him ay yi yi she was a handful with him.
but he wasn't just a drug user. even though he was definitely high in his 1991 interview. you could tell by the infamous "quotes" in the interview(and the shades inside) which sounded like:
"and then we talk to the actor river rah-rah rah rubber penis." and "i find that you have the power to get blowjobs basically from the corporate leaders. i mean i found myself getting blown. it's pretty nice, yeah. if i come in their fucking lenses."
but if you listen to what he said before that nonsense, it actually makes sense, just not those parts of the sentences. and he wasn't just someone who was wise while he was fuckin zonked.
i've grown to learn through these qts that drugs aren't all that make a person. river was truly gorgeous, mentally and physically. he had this wisdom about him that i think anyone could sense. even through his characters, you could just tell he was an impressive boy. and he was the most devoted vegan which is cool. and he was so considerate with his words.
and then corey ugh. my lil bby corey haim was just such a lil qt even in his last days :))) and the friendship he had with corey feldman yES. goaLZ. they were in a lotta movies together hahaha. and corey literally sounds like a douchebag at first to a lot of people (even though i always thought he was very dorky and adorable) but literally he's the goofiest little thing. and he was so sure of himself and charming with his words.
and oH MY GOD HIS VOICE MAKES ME WANT TO STAB MY LEG HIS VOICE IS SO CUTE CUTE CUTE AND HIGH PITCHED EVEN IN HIS 20S. and he was like a lady killer everyone was FOR COREY. LIKE SHIT. even though he wasn't really a lady killer cuz he wasn't a playa as far as i know. he's such a little prince it's so cute. i just wanna hug him and squeeze him and squeeze his chubby cheeks (actually nvm theyre not even chubby) but i know they're vv cute and squeezable i want to squish his face up so cute my love.
and then i really just wna cuddle with 15 year old river like i wanna sleep with him in the most innocent state of the word i just wanna spoon & hold his hand and touch his hAIR OH MY GOD I WANT TO TOUCH HIS HAIR SO PERFECT SO MMMM YES. YES. WHAT YE S HIS HAIR. it's so big and then sometimes so long and soft and i wanna genuinely make him smile and talk about the world with him i feel like he would have great input and i wanna talk to him and i definitely want to hold 15 year old river's hand there is n O douBT.
i know this is weird but legit when i'm feeling sad i can either make myself cry by thinking of river and corey or make myself bitter-happy you know what i mean.
and sometimes when i'm sleeping i pretend 15 yr old river has his arms wrapped around my waist and is cuddling me while i read aw so much yes very cute much good aw aw but river is so much more intimidating bc he's so real but then corey's a dork so we'd match.
anyways next rant will probs be about black history month 👅👅👅 there's like this pocedits hashtag going around on vine i just love it.
#zuzaf
