Sidharth sat in the lounge completely & utterly thrown away by her sudden outburst and behavior. She had never reacted in such an impulsive manner before & nor had she said any such thing earlier despite them getting intimate. In fact today he hadn't even done anything yet compared to the previous few times. Then why? If she was uncomfortable with the intimacy, she would have let him know. She always can. But, why now? Was it because of everything that was happening back home, that was messing with her head? Something that maybe Akshay had said to her? He had absolutely no clue where all this was coming from. Yes, they hadn't had a detailed discussion about his past relationships earlier but he was aware that she knew that he has had prior experiences and she seemed to be unbothered about it, then what changed? The way she seemed so shaky, so scared, so dejected with her own self, angry, doubtful, jealous? What was it exactly? He couldn't understand till she would openly talk to him and voice whatever was bothering her. He however knew that she needed her own time and space right now. The way she literally ran off grabbing her shirt to cover herself up, it broke his heart. He never wanted her to feel insecure with him or because of him. Only if she knew, what she did for him. she was like a goddess to him. So holy, so pure, so divine. Absolutely magical. The fear in her eyes, it didn't sit well with him. He could never even think of making her uncomfortable in any way. Was he..was he rushing it with her? Was he going too fast with all this, and maybe that bothered her? If so, he would make sure to do everything in his capacity to make her feel secure and comfortable. The fact that he had this insane level of protective urge and instinct for her, nothing beat that. She was like his own personal little baby. So her ease about everything was his top most priority, it would always be.
The image of her getting scared like that, her eyes filling up like that, and she running away like that, it wasn't leaving his eyes. He ran a restless hand through his hair pushing it back and rubbed his chin, not understanding what was happening. He felt so frustrated and mad. Not with her, but with himself. He felt like he upset her and maybe he messed with her trust and comfort. That was not okay with him. He felt like punching his fist through a wall for making her feel any of that. He badly needed a smoke before he could think clearly. He sat up wearing his slippers, his gaze still fixed on the closed guestroom door. if anything, he wanted to run to her and grab her in his arms and ask for her forgiveness, his little baby. She was so innocent, so pure, his heart throbbed for her in a maddening way, it couldn't be put in words.
He stood outside in his balcony with a cigarette held between his fingers as he smoked up. His eyes narrowed, fixed on the sea in front of him. The light cool breeze of the night was soothing his hot nerves a little. There was an eerie silence throughout the house and it bothered him. her being there, it made everything so much better and so much more alive. Her sparkle, she spread it in every corner and it made his soul feel alive. They had dealt with much more serious stuff before this as well, but this? It was something that was a very touchy topic and not knowing the exact reason for her behavior, he didn't really understand how to trade through it. He didn't want to upset her more. He had just returned, and to say that he had missed her like a madman would be nothing in comparison to how insanely he had missed her. Everything about her. All he wanted was just to keep her close, wrapped up in his arms, away from everything else and now this? He felt so helpless. He couldn't change his past, even though he desperately wanted to since the last seven years. he couldn't change the life he had lived prior to meeting her. Only if he knew that one day, he would come across her, at a point in life, where he was least hoping for it, God knows how differently he would have done everything but it was what it was, how could he go back and undo it. He threw the remaining cigarette down crushing it with his feet and slammed his hand on the railing in frustration.
Sana was curled up in the bed, changed in her night suit, hugging the pillow to her chest and letting her tears constantly soak the other pillow her face was on. She herself didn't understand what had suddenly ticked her off like that and made her blow out in that way with him. Yes, she did feel uncomfortable, but it was because of entirely different reasons than what it may have seemed but how was she to communicate this to him. She just felt very upset, scared, hurt and angry. It felt like just how she had craved for him so intensely, her emotions too right now were on that same high. She did have an idea, but him saying it like that made it so much more real and that messed up with her mind all the more. She felt so so angry, why? She didn't really understand herself. This wasn't something she had wanted or thought of after his return, but everything just came out of her so naturally, she couldn't really think through her words or reactions. She knew she would be lying if she said that this had just come up, no. The truth was that her mind had been constantly ruing over all these factors since a few days now, but with everything else going on, she would always shut it out for the time being. This time, however, she couldn't control anything that had been going inside her. She could now feel her cheeks being warm, sticky and swollen due to the constant tears that flowed, but she didn't wanna stop. She wanted to take her anger, her frustration and everything that she was feeling out through those tears. She wanted to cry like a baby in his arms and that frustrated her more. She hugged the pillow tighter as an angry/helpless whimper left her mouth.
****
It had almost been an hour since she had stormed off in the room and Sidharth was now losing his mind. He tried giving her the space she needed but only he knew how much of patience and resolve it took from him to let even this much time pass and leave her on her own. He was back in the living room now and was pacing around, his eyes fixed on the door. He was desperately hoping for her to come out on her own and speak to him but now his patience was completely running thin with each passing minute. He went in the kitchen and drank a glass of water before heading to her room. Just when he was about to go, he realized something and filled up a small water bottle for her, taking it along.
He reached the room and ran a hand through his hair. He was just about to turn the door knob, when his hand stopped right there. There was pin drop silence in the room. He wasn't even sure if she was still up or not. He then finally knocked and spoke as softly as he could
"Sana, are you ok bacha? Can I please come in?" his voice was unsure, calm and extremely soft.
The moment she heard his voice, her tears flowed automatically as she hugged the pillow tighter. She needed him like a mad man but she was so upset and frustrated with everything, she wasn't sure if she was ready to face him just yet or not but hearing his voice, that specific voice he had while explaining her something, or comforting her, the calmness it held, it always soothed her soul. She wanted to run into his arms like always and let him take care of it all. She instead closed her eyes, clenching them shut and letting the wetness flow out.
As soon as he was met with her silence, he felt like somebody was suffocating him. the restlessness was too much to take. She could have fallen asleep. He rubbed his chin and was just about to turn back when something inside him told him that she was up. He knew her too well and he knew that she wouldn't go to bed upset with him. Especially today, when he had returned back after three whole days. He turned the door knob as softly as he could and the moment he pushed the door slightly, he saw how she was curled up to the side of the bed, her back towards him. He could see a pillow tightly clutched in her arms and the moment he opened the door some more, she instantly covered her face with the duvet. He finally sighed as soon as she did that and smiled in relief . She was his baby. He finally stepped inside the room, closing the door behind him. his steps were still a little unsure because he did not at all want her to feel uncomfortable in any way. So despite his anxiety, he wanted her to have every right to tell him to leave if she didn't want him there. He kept walking towards the bed and with every step that he took, he was sighing with her not asking him to leave. He could see that she had changed into a green top with dolls on it and a black night suit pajama. He kept the water bottle on the bed side and finally lifted the other corner of the duvet slowly wanting to get in to the bed. The moment he did, he could see how she pulled it closer onto herself, completely covering herself up. He couldn't stop smiling. He slowly got in to bed and lied down facing her, but he made sure to keep some distance. He tucked an arm under his face and rested his cheek on his elbow and kept the other hand to his side. He could see how her breathing slightly heaved up as soon as the bed dipped and he got in. he kept staring at her for a few seconds, before he finally spoke up.
"Baby" he almost whispered.
Sana was clutching her fingers in her fists inside the duvet, and pressing her lips together to stop herself from crying. She could hear the helplessness in his voice. She heard him sigh loudly.
"Baby, can I come closer? Please aanay de" he spoke softly. The hand that was by his side was itching to hold onto her and pull her back into himself.
She didn't say anything but an unconscious sob left her mouth as soon as he said that. The moment he heard the sob, he automatically shifted closer to her but made sure to still not touch her.
"Sana, kya ho gaya hai meri jaan? Kyun kar rahi hai aisa?"
He gave her a beat to reply but he was again met with silence. Since he was extremely close to her, he could see how her breathing was slightly heaved up and he could hear her soft sniffles. It was breaking him. he couldn't wait any longer so he covered the distance completely and finally lifted his other hand and lightly kept it on her shoulder. The second his hand touched her, she lightly jerked, hugging the pillow tighter.
"Please baat kar na. Bas bohat hogaya, I'm not going anywhere. Idhar aah" he spoke louder this time with more conviction and tried pulling her to himself by her shoulder. It took everything from Sana but she tried resisting his pull and eventually pull her shoulder out of his hold. Sidharth sighed. Honestly all that he wanted to do at that very moment was to pull her to himself and smash his lips on hers and show her what she was to him.
"Sana.." he sighed again.
"Jao yahan se" she finally mumbled, with a cracked and dry voice.
"Kyun jaun? Kya hua hai? Please baat kar. Mujhe bataye gi nahi tou how are we gonna solve it , hmm?" his voice was equally soft and low.
She stayed quiet at that and he now shifted up slightly so that he could have a better access to her. his face was almost on top of hers from behind and he really wanted to pull that duvet away from her face.
"Come here. Let me look at you. Bohat hogaya tera. Mai aur kuch nahi sun raha" he spoke while trying to pull the duvet away from her face but her grip tightened on it and she pulled it closer.
"Mujhe nahi karni baaat..aap jao" she spoke a bit louder but her voice cracked at every word.
"Sana, why are you doing this? Ro ro k gala sukha liya hai apna. Kya ho gaya hai aisa baba? Are you mad at me? Did I do something?" he sounded so exasperated.
He was leaned on the top of her shoulder and the only thing between their faces was her duvet right now. even though she was covered beneath it, he could tell how her eyes must have swollen up and her face must be red and puffy with all the crying. He again tried pulling her elbow that was on top of her forehead but she constantly resisted.
"Sana don't do this. You very well know k agar mai chahun, mai ek second mai ye khench k side pe pehnk sakta hoon. Mat kar" he sounded agitated.
She stayed silent but her sniffling increased.
"Sana? Listen to me. Have I ..made you uncomfortable in any way? Did I cross a line, or do something that you didn't want? If I did, I'm sorry baba" he finally almost whispered.
Her breathing hitched at that. She finally got scared with what he said. She realized, he was no longer trying to hold her, and she could feel that he had moved away and he was completely silent. She stayed quiet for another few seconds and so did he. And then just what she was fearing happened. She felt him move away and the bed dipping as he tried sitting up and moving out. Shit. He was leaving.
"Don't go" she finally let out a louder so.
Sidharth was just about to wear his slippers and get out, when she said that. He knew she didn't want him to leave, but he didn't want to force himself either. He finally sighed and turned back to look at her. Her face was still covered with the duvet. He kept his legs back up and moved in the bed again, closer to her. He faced towards her and spoke
"Can I remove this?" he asked keeping his hand on the duvet.
She shook her head. He smiled and tightened his grip on it.
"Kyun?". She shook her head again.
"Sana, meri jaan kya ho gaya hai ? Itna ghussa kyun ho gayi hai? Baat bhi nahi karegi?" he said in a soft voice.
She shook her head again. He let the duvet be and softly started caressing her forehead with his hand.
She stayed still and he knew she wanted that too. So he bent and softly placed a kiss to her forehead from above the duvet covering her face.
"Meri jaan" he whispered, kissing her yet again.
"Sana? I want you to be very honest with me about what I'm going to ask you now" he spoke softly. His hand still caressing her forehead.
Sana's breathing almost hitched hearing his words and the seriousness in his tone. She was scared about what he was going to say but she didn't move a muscle.
"Sana, every time we get close, I touch you, we kiss, or we move forward, does that..does it bother you? Or make you uncomfortable? In any way? Do you feel it's a lot and that maybe we need to slow down a little bit?"
"Do you just stay quiet and not say anything because it's me on the other end? Does any of it make you feel uneasy? Kahin tujhe aisa tou nahi feel hota k just because I've had past experiences, I would want to get on to it with you as well? And hence, I try getting intimate with you? Kyunki agar aisa hai Sana, tou you need to tell me very clearly, right now. And I swear, I won't even touch you until you want me to. Tujh se aur tere comfort se kuch bhi upar nahi hai baby. Tu sab se upar hai. Aisa ek second k liye bhi mat sochna k I try getting intimate with you just because I'm waiting for that and because I'm used to of it in the past & so that's what I want with us too."
He finally let out a breath along with what was eating him up since the past hour. He kept lying facing her, waiting for her to react, or look at him, or say something, but nothing came. That scared him all the more because it felt like a confirmation to his question & that scared him senseless. He could never, ever think of making her uncomfortable in any way, or trying to force anything on to her. He wanted her to enjoy and cherish every little thing along the way.
Sana almost felt like her breath got caught somewhere in her throat and her eyes widened at what he just said. Why was this man like this? She wanted to cry more.
"Sana..mai" he mumbled. He honestly had nothing to say all of a sudden. Her not saying anything to his question meant that what he was fearing was correct and that was the last thing he had wanted. He straightened up and moved a little to the other side, suddenly putting some distance between them and crossed his hands over his chest, staring at the ceiling.
His mind was a havoc right now. did he actually cross a line with her and make her feel forced and put her in a tough spot? She was his little baby. Her comfort her preferences were his priority.
When the room was eerily silent, Sana finally very slowly removed just a little tiny corner of the duvet from one of her eye, and turned her head back just the slightest bit. She could see from the corner of her eye that he was lying straight and that his face was upwards. She turned back again, fully covering herself back. After staying quiet for another minute, she slowly whispered
"Sidharth"
His leg was constantly shaking and his eyes were fixed on the ceiling. The moment he heard her croaked voice, his leg stopped moving and he turned his face to her side slowly and spoke
"Sana, I'm sorry" his voice had such sincerity and such remorse, that she felt like someone had punched her right in the gut.
"Jao aaap" she cried.
"I'm so so sorry bacha. I never meant to.."
"Gadhe ho ek number k. Khoteya kahin k. Jaaao" she tried shouting, cutting him off.
He stopped saying what he was about to and frowned. She finally removed the duvet completely and turned around. He was already looking at her. he was so right. Her eyes were swollen like anything and her cheeks seemed puffier and so wet.
"Tch, Sana" he clicked his tongue the moment he saw her face. Her glassy eyes were staring at him and her face had the cutest frown.
"Aap ne ye saari bakwaas kyun ki abhi? Pagal ho?" she gave him an angry glare. She still had the pillow in her hands and she hadn't fully turned towards him yet.
Sidharth frowned, not understanding what she meant. Wasn't that the reason for her behavior?
"Kya matlab?" he asked her, clueless.
"Ye saari abhi jo bakwaas ki na, wo apne paas rakho. Aur jao yahan se. Mujhe baat nahi karni. Aaye baray. Jo mu mai aaye boli jaa raha hai, khoteya na huway te." She rolled her eyes and turned back again but this time leaving the duvet on her waist.
"Kyun baba? Kya ho gaya hai aisa jo baat bhi nahi karegi?"
"Kyunki aap bohat kharab ho" she cried.
"Kyun meri jaan? Kyun hai itna ghussa? Sana, I so fucking wish I could erase everything about my past baby. Kaash wo sab erase kar paata, trust me, ek second mai kar deta. But it is what it is. Farak sirf itna hai k jo ab tu ban gayi hai, wo kabhi koi ban hi nahi paaya aur ab tere anay k baad ahista ahista, pichla sab kuch jese khudi mit aya ho. Tere siwa koi dikhta hi nahi hai" he mumbled honestly. He heard her suck in a sob.
"Ab bolegi kyun hai itna naraz? Please" he almost begged her.
"Mujhe nahi pata. Bas hoon. Rona araha hai. Ghussa bhi" she cried, frustrated with herself.
"Lekin kyun meri jaan? Baat tou kar. Bata mujhe. Kya bother kar raha hai? Don't you trust me?"
"Acha idhar aah, mujhe dekh tou sahi." He tried pulling her by her arm so that she faces him. She finally did but the minute she did, she started flailing her arms, trying to hit him.
"Kyun ho itne kameene? Kyun hona tha itna hot? Kyun marti hain sab aap par. Kutte kameene, kehta hai Count nahi hai mere paas. Khota na ho tou. Besharamm. KYUN KYUN KYUNNNN" she gritted her teeth aggressively and mumbled any and everything that came to her mouth while her hands constantly tried hitting every part of him, and her tears flowed unstoppably.
"Sana Sana Sana. Acha relax" he tried holding her wrists.
"Acha bas bas bas. Shhhh. Come here" he finally grabbed her wrist tightly and pulled her closer to his side. Once she was put, he too turned to face her and they now lied down facing eachother. She silently stared at him as her eyes kept filling up. He looked at her eyes and clicked his tongue.
'Tch. Bas. Shhhh" he softly wiped the corner of her eyes and her nose clean of the tears that flowed.
"Kya bas? Kyun hona tha aapko itna besharam? Mujhe nahi acha lag raha" she pouted as her lips quivered. His heart broke for his little baby.
"Tch. Bas meri jaaan. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Sana, agar mere haath mai hota na, tou sab kuch mita deta. Kyunki tujhse milne k baad, kuch aur maayne hi nahi rakhta. It's only you baby. Because nobody can ever come close to what you are" he spoke softly, looking to her beautiful glassy eyes, meaning every single word. He softly tucked her hair behind that was stuck to her wet face.
"I'm 38 years old baby. Tujh se milne se pehle, ek poori zindagi ji hai mene. I won't lie, I was always very popular among girls. Bachpana tha, reckless tha, I used to have a lot of fun. I often used to cross a line Par as I grew up, things changed, I changed. I realized kitna waste hai ye sab. I did have a few relationships as well, but honestly, nothing lasted long enough. Nothing ever got serious enough. They were all just pointless in the end." He sighed, turning his face away a little.
"Except.."
"Except for the last one. Jaanti hoon" she mumbled softly, taking him by surprise. His head instantly turned back towards her and his eyes widened a little.
"Sana.." he opened and closed his mouth a few times.
"Choro wo abhi" she said softly.
"Par Baby? Any of those experiences, any of those relationships, they could never ever come close to making me feel what you do. I wish I could find the right kind of words to tell you what you are" he spoke earnestly, staring at her beautifully exhausted face. Her eyes lightly blinked hearing that and before they could fill up again, he lifted his hand and started to caress her cheek softly with his thumb, staring in her eyes. He looked at her as if she was his special little piece from the heavens above, and that she would break if he applied any more pressure.
"Mujhe kaash kisi ne pehle bata dia hota k ek din tujhse milunga. Tou maa kasam, kabhi kuch na karta." He spoke, staring into her eyes.
She finally smiled the slightest bit, just the tiniest bit, and he felt like he could finally breathe again.
"You are beyond everything Sana" he whispered.
"Bachpane mai I was just a normal usual guy. Doing what every guy does, curious about all those things, every guy is. Par it was all meaningless. Meaning kya hota hai, wo tujhe milne k baad pata laga Sana. Itni lambi zindagi tujhse pehle guzaarne k baad bhi, after meeting you, every little experience, every little thing with you feels so bloody meaningful. Everything is like magic" he spoke to her soul. His thumb was still softly rubbing circles on her cheek, putting her heart in a trance.
"Pata bhi hai tu kitni pyaari hai?" he softly smiled at her, removing all her hair away from her face and tucking them back.
"Pata hai mujhe. Aur ye bhi jaanti hoon k zahir hai mujh se milne se pehle Virgin Mary ban k tou nahi reh sakte they na aap. Sab pata hai mujhe, gadhi nahi hoon mai" she rolled her eyes at him. His eyes widened at what she just said and he ended up chuckling loudly.
"Wo tou tu hai" he smiled at her. She gasped and slapped his hand away.
"Dafa ho" she pouted.
"Tou kyun hogayi phir aise Sana. Jese tu royi bahir, the way you grabbed your shirt, covered yourself and ran inside, mujhe nahi acha laga. It made me feel like shit. I felt like, I felt like I crossed a line I shouldn't have" he spoke seriously, regret clear in his eyes scaring Sana. She gasped and finally scooted closer to him. She shook her head at him finally grabbing his hand from her face and wrapping her own around it.
"Sidharth aisa nahi hai. Kasam lagge. Aap pagal ho jo aisa socha bhi? Mujhe..bas mujhe nahi pata. Mujhe uss time rona agaya, bohat zada. Dil mai kuch kuch hua mere, aur bas nahi acha laga. Abhi bhi nahi lag raha . Dil mai dard ho raha hai mere..darr bhi hai. I just want to cry" she said, her eyes filling up again.
'Tch, mera bacha" he pulled her closer almost on top of his chest by pulling her hand that was in his hold.
"Aap..aap ne kabhi bhi mujhe uncomfortable nahi feel karaya Sidharth. Kabhi nahi. Aap se zada tou kahin comfortable mene shayd feel hi nahi kia. Aap ne kabhi...kis cheez mai rush nahi kia. You've never made me feel that you are rushing into all of it because you want it. Aur na Sidharth.." she blinked her doe eyes at him like a little child, rubbing them a little with the back of her fingers. His lips automatically curved up a little.
"Aur na, bas mujhe iss liye ghussa hai kyunki bas mai hoon aisi. Aap mere ho na? Sirf mere ho aap. Aur upar se itne hot bhi ho. Tou ye sab sunke mujhe tension tou hogi na. k aap pe koi gandi nazar na dale, aur jinho ne pehle bhi daali, unn bhootniyo ka mu torne ka mann kar raha hai" she spoke with such seriousness that he thought that he misheard her.
His eyes widened and he burst out laughing. His eyes literally squinted and the corners of his eyes crinkled with the way he laughed, so fully.
"Baby? What the fuck" he laughed.
She was unbothered with his reaction and still as serious.
"Chup karo. Bilkul sach keh rahi hoon." She started up at his face seriously. Her face was almost under his chin with the way he had pulled her to himself. Her face still rested at just the croner of the pillow.
"Par Sidharth. Mujhe rona iss liye aa raha hai because.. because I'm scared. I don't like it" her voice instantly lowered and the conviction it also went down. He instantly straightened up with her tone and what she just said. She softly removed her hand from his and moved away, straightening herself and lying on her back.
"Kis cheez se meri jaan? Talk to me. Please" he whispered. He was ready to put the entire world at her feet.
"Mhm" she shook her head, turning her face to the other side, not wanting him to see her crying. He sighed and instantly grabbed her face by her chin and wiped away the tear that flowed out of the corner of her eye.
"Please baba" he insisted.
"Sidharth.. I.. I don't feel confident. I feel like I constantly disappoint you every time we get close, mai khud ka mazaak bana deti hoon. Yes, it did bother me that you've been with so many girls in the past, but like I said, I understand that. It's not like mujhe aap pe koi doubt hai, par na mujhe apna aap itna bekaar lagta hai. Issi liye bahir aap se poocha k jitni bhi ladkiyaan theen, were they as experienced too? Kyunki na..mujhe lagta hai k aap ko sab pata hai, you've had so many experiences aur mai bilkul duffer hoon. Jisey kuch nahi pata. Jisey kiss karni bhi nahi aati thi. Everytime we get close, uske baad I feel so much par mai kuch keh ya kar hi nahi paati and baad mai this fear creeps up k shayd I disappointed you. Mai bhi aapko khush karna chahti hoon, I want to be able to do something for you as well, like you do for me. Par I'm such a loser, I feel so much, but mai theek se aapki aankho mai bhi nahi dekh paati." She let it all out and cried. She covered her face with her hands as she ugly cried, letting her nose and eyes flow. She kept sniffling and continued speaking
"I know aap ko tou sab pata hai na, every girl in the past must have made you feel good too. They must have given you that satisfaction in return and when I'm unable to, I get scared. K what if.. what if I bore you. Mujhe acha lagta hai when you touch me, when you kiss me, or even hold me. But jab meri baari aati hai, tou I feel I don't do any of it properly. Aur issi liye it bothered me when you said you've been with so many girls and had so many experiences. It scared me Sidharth. I don't want to lose you. I'm sorry" she started hiccupping because of the excessive talking and crying.
He quietly left her chin and turned to grab the water bottle he had brought along. He grabbed the bottle & removed her hands from her face but she didn't budge. He forcefully pulled her hands away and slammed the bottle in her hands. She shook her head, trying to return it back.
"PIYO" he spoke in a tone that sent shivers up her spine. She immediately leaned up a little lifting her head up from the pillow and wiped her nose with the back of her hand and finally sipped some water in, her eyes fixed on his. His expressions were completely blank and his nostrils had the slightest bit of flare. She quietly drank the water and gave him the bottle back, wiping her lips. He kept the bottle back and she continued.
"Aap itne amazing ho Sidharth. Aap ko tou sab aata hai har cheez k baray mai. Aur jab mai sochti hoon k jin larkiyo k sath bhi aap reh chuke ho, wo sab bhi aisi hi hongi na aapki jesi? Cool, modern aur aapki har need ko samjhne waali. Aapke level jesi. Phir mujhe apne aap par aur bhi ghussa ata hai. Mai apko kese samjhaun mai kya keh rahi hoon?" she cried, her lips quivering as she looked at his face desperately.
His eyes didn't move from her face and his expressions were still the same, only now she could see how harshly he was gritting his teeth. She gulped.
"Mujhe mile, aur mujhe kisi cheez ka pata hi nahi hai. Sidharth jab bhi aap mere kareeb aatay ho, mujhe ek second k liye kabhi aisa nahi laga k aap mujhe force kar rahay ho ya rush kar rahay ho..par I know k aapka mann tou karta hoga na..ye sab karne ka..i mean.. kyunki aap ko aadat hai. Aur mai badle mai, bilkul chup ho kar murti ki tarah beth jati hoon. I feel so helpless k mai kuch reciprocate hi nahi kar paati. Mujhe ye darr lagta hai k aap ek din ye soch kar bore na ho jao k ye tou unn mai se kisi jesi nahi hai, she doesn't even understand my basic needs. Mai aapko kho nahi sakti Sidharth. Aap mere liye sab kuch ho. Sab kuch" she cried heartbreakingly loud. Her tears, her saliva, her runny nose, they all mingled with each other but she didn't care. She didn't even care about how she looked at that moment. She just knew that she had to get it out of her.
It felt like she had finally cut open her heart in front of him and now she was just letting her tears out, which seemed unstoppable. Her eyes were stinging but she just couldn't stop. The thought of him getting repulsed by her, was driving her insane and her tears just couldn't stop.
He lied there, dead silent, watching her cry. When she didn't stop for another few seconds and when he realized that she wasn't going to say anything more, he finally spoke.
"WHAT THE FUCK" he seethed, scaring her.
Her cries slowed down a little and she flinched hearing his voice and the anger in it. She stopped crying at once but didn't remove her hands from her face.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK SANA?"
"LOOK AT ME" he roared. She immediately lifted her hands up from her wet face and brought them down, moving her face towards him slowly. His eyes spat fire and she could see how tightly his jaw was clenched.
"I cannot believe you just said that" he said staring into her eyes.
"Were you even listening to what you were saying?" he sounded shocked.
She kept staring at his angry face silently. Her face a complete mess. His eyes finally flickered over her face and he clicked his tongue. He turned away and grabbed a bunch of tissues from the side and harshly cleaned her face and then nose up. She scrunched her nose up as the tissues stung her nose.
"Aaahhh" she yelped.
"SHUT UP. CHUP EK DAM" he scolded her. He finally wiped her face clean and threw the tissues away in the bin besides the bed.
'Aaap" she tried opening her mouth.
"Abhi kya bol rahi thi? Mai gadhi nahi hoon. Tujh se bari gadhi koi hai hi nahi iss duniya mai" he seethed, rolling his eyes. Sana pouted sadly.
"GADHI. KYA BAKWAAS KI HAI TU NE ABHI??" he shouted.
"Sahi tou bola hai. Daant kyun rahay ho" she mumbled.
"CHUP. LAAFAD paray ga agar ek lafz bhi aur bola tou" .
"OH God, Sana. What am I supposed to do with you. You drive me mad" He ran a hand in his hair pushing them back, absolutely frustrated with her. She stared at him quietly.
"Tu ne bahir wo sab, iss liye kaha tha? Because, because, you felt lesser to all those girls I've been with?" he narrowed his eyes and sounded extremely shocked.
She softly nodded her head at him and he rolled his eyes smacking his head with his palm.
"Are you mad?" he was so done with her.
He rubbed his face with both his hands to calm himself down. He was honestly at a loss of words. He couldn't believe she had just said all of that. After everything, this is how she felt?
She stared at him for a few seconds as he rubbed his face harshly, and then pressed his temples with his fingers.
"Aap ghussa kyun kar rahay ho?" she whispered. His hands snapped away and he turned to her scaring her. she cowered back.
"Aur kya aarti utaaru teri aisi mahaan soch par?"
She bit her lip and her eyebrows furrowed as she lightly rubbed her eye.
"Haan thora aur ro le aisa kar. Aisi bekaar ki bakwaas kar rahi hai tab se. Gadhi na ho tou" he rolled his eyes. He wanted to go and smack his head somewhere, that's how angry and frustrated he felt. The moment he said that, he regretted it instantly. He saw her eyes lightly filling up as she bit on her lip harder. He sighed and tried pulling her lip out of her teeth but she pushed his hand away.
"KYA HAI? AISE kyun baat kar rahay ho? Ek tou mai pehle hi dukhi hoon aur upar se aise daant raahy ho" she mumbled, trying to hold back her tears.
"TOU aur kya karu teri baatein sun k Sana? Deewaar mai jaa k sar maarne ka mann kar raha hai. Mene kaha hai ronay ko? Khudi aisi ghadho waali baatein kar k ro rahi hai phir."
"Haan tou nahi karna tha na sab kuch phir sab k sath?" she closed her mouth as soon as that came out. It looked like he wanted to laugh at that, but his nostrils flared more.
"Bakwaas mat kar Sana. TU khud ko sun bhi rahi hai? I still can't believe you said all that" he rubbed his head. She stayed quiet and silently wiped her eyes not wanting to anger him more. They lied down quietly for a few seconds before he fully turned to her again.
"Sana, do you know something? Before meeting you and even before that. All these years, I've tried building this wall around myself because I was so done with everything and everyone. I had realized that life is always going to be a bitch and no matter what, you never, ever let any other person break through that wall, because nobody is going to be worth it in the end. Nobody. And I was living like that for the last seven years. Happily. I was fine with it. I had made my peace with it. Har din, har lamha I used to regret my past & desperately wanted to erase all of it and just throw it out of my life. Every single feeling, every emotion that the remembrance of it brought, it killed me, it suffocated me. So I was fine and living my life, having made my peace with the fact that this was it now and I was okay with it.
Akela rehna shuru kar dia, apne aapko flights mai itna busy kar lia k I started getting promotion after promotion. I became one of the best captains and the senior most in my airline. Jo time milta tha, used to spend that with Maa and just come back home and do my thing. Just be by myself. Maybe go out for a drive by the beach. Sit for hours in the balcony, smoke and enjoy the waves, the quiet, the calm. It was all okay Sana. I was okay with this life. But then, one fine day, I go for my usual groceries and there you were. Surrounded with packs of tissue rolls all around you. It's something so mundane, so normal, so usual, isn't it? Everybody goes to a store, everybody does grocery every single day. Half the times you don't even think before going there. I didn't either. I wasn't in my wildest dreams expecting to find you there. Aur tu.." he finally took a breath and his eyes softened as he looked at her face, and remembered the face he had seen that day. Her face and her eyes were fixed on every word that was leaving his mouth, she was sure that she wasn't breathing right now.
"Tu kitni maasoom thi. Kitni khoobsurat. Your face was so clean and it had no makeup on. You had a pony with your hair flowing out and you wore this random black top and tracksuit pajamas. But still Sana, there was something about you that pulled me to you like a fucking moth. I couldn't resist it. I didn't even realize how drawn I was to you, until when we both left the store and went our own ways. Your simplicity, your innocence, it didn't leave my fucking mind Sana" he breathed looking at her face, and how her glassy eyes were stuck to him. He wanted to kiss her, and consume her.
"You say I've had prior experiences before. I have. But Sana? None of them could ever blow my mind and make me lose my sanity the way you do. Ironically, despite having done everything prior meeting you, none of it could even come close to making me feel what a single hand hold from you does to me or makes me feel. It's funny how before meeting you, I kept trying to erase out , wash out everything from the past but the day I saw you at the store, I didn't realize how everything before that day started fading away. everything that occupied such a big part of my life, staring feeling worthless and insignificant after you Sana.
Do you even realize what you do to me? I wish there were enough words to put all of this in and explain to you" he looked at her like she was one of the stars from the sky that had by chance fallen here into his life and he was just so smitten by it, that he didn't know what to do with it. Sana's lips were tied, she was sure she had lost her voice, and her eyes were filling up, but for very different reasons this time.
"Kya bol rahi thi tu? K you'll bore me, disappoint me and that I'll compare you with the others? Sana? The funny part is that, I do compare you with everything that was there before you." She gasped.
"I do. But it's just to question myself that how was I even existing before all of this? You know what? You make me lose my sanity every step of the way, and yet, I've never felt saner than I do with you. Sana you're so fucking innocent, so pure, so naive. Like I said earlier, there's a whole world that you're unaware of and I want to open you up to it. But do you realize something? I get to do that. I. Nobody else, but I get to do it. I've never had the chance to do it for anybody else Sana and honestly? I'm very grateful for that. Don't get me wrong, but I'm so happy that everyone before you was experienced because you know what that means?" he raised her eyebrows at her. She was so lost and so smitten that she nodded her head in her mind but she wasn't sure if she actually nodded it or not.
"It means that I get to live this with you and only you Baby. It means that what we'll have can never ever even come close to anything that existed before you because you brought along the innocence, the purity, the sacredness of it all with you. You showed me a way I never knew existed. Every little thing that I feel with you, I get to live with you, I've never lived that before. Every fucking feeling that you arise inside of me, I've never felt that before with anyone else because none of them had what you do. Do you realize what that means baby?" he softly tucked her hair that had fallen into her eye.
"In the past, it was all known. I used to know what I'm giving and what I'll get in return. And so, after a point, it lost its charm. There was no point left. Just basic instincts and needs. But with you? You've brought this whole new world with you Sana that I have never been used to of and so everything that I build with you, it's a first for me too. you say that I've been with so many girls before you and that they too were all experienced and that upsets you. But Sana? Baby? Do you not realize something? I've never been anyone's first before." He smiled softly at her, looking deeply in to her eyes. the moment he said the last line, it felt like it hit her like a boulder and she gasped loudly as his words hit her, realizing the depth of them.
"So thank you for being you and thank you for giving me what you're giving me. An experience that I too have never had before. And how could I baby? They weren't you. Nobody can be you. You'll always be my last Sana. Because after you entered my life, everything else just vanished. It just blew away. You say you don't know anything. Sana, I wish I could show you what that does to me. You drive me mad with desire. It's hard to control my throbbing aching heart and body when I'm with you.
The moment your inexperienced lips touch mine, my mind is blown into a million fucking pieces Sana. So I'm very glad that you're not like any of them. You just ruffle my fucking hair, and I feel like I'll explode. If that's what you're trying to compare, then please go ahead. The way you submit your entire being to me Sana, the way you just let me take charge, it blows me away.
I fear I'll lose my whole self in front of you and crumble to nothingness. The first time I saw you without a shirt, and you sat there safely in my lap, your nails digging in my shoulders, your eyes shut, your lips parted, do you even know what that sight did to me Sana? It made my whole existence before meeting you worthless. You showed me what magic feels like Sana. And despite being with so many of them, I never knew this is how it really feels like. Tujhe ye ehsaas bhi hai k I get to open you to this world. It'll always be us, our thing. Our world. No third person will ever get to be a part of it Sana. It'll just be us Baby. Do you realize how special that makes me feel? How bloody grateful I am? Every time your body reacts to me and my touch, every time I mark your body, every time I hold your lips in mine, it makes me realize that this feeling? Only and only I get to live this. Nobody else but me. Do you know what that does to me? It aches Sana. It aches in places I can't tell. Do you even realize the kind of power you hold over me?" he rasped speaking intensely and she could feel heat rising up her cheeks. His words, his intensity it was doing something to her. She could feel it down there.
"Every time we get intimate, every small thing, every little barrier that we cross, it's only ours baby. You're giving it all to me. Nobody had ever done that for me. You talk about satisfying me? Every time you hold me closer when we kiss, every time your hands automatically go up my hair, every single time your lips say my name, every time you pull me closer, all of these things, they shake my entire core Sana. I wish I could put in words the way it hits me. You put my entire 38 years of living and experiences to shame Baby.
Because nobody could ever be you. Your innocence drives me mad Sana. I lose my mind like a fucking madman and a caveman when I realize that everything that you're offering, every experience that we share will only be ours. I get to have it all. So thank you for that baby. You despise not being experienced? Well, I want to thank you and the heavens for that. You're mine and mine alone. So everything that you feel, that you experience or that you give me, has never been given to me before Sana. Every time you gasp and shy away when I say something bold, it makes me want to drive you up against a wall, rip your clothes off and kiss every single inch of your body." His voice was so thick so husky and so hoarse, that she literally felt like she'll explode down there. The way his eyes bore into hers when he said that, it felt like he was already seeing everything that was beneath her clothes. She could feel her entire body heating up at his words.
"See, just like this. You make me so fucking helpless Sana" he rasped as his thumb stroke her neck and she sucked in a breath, not daring to move her eyes away from his face.
"Your innocence, it overpowers me. It renders me helpless. I feel like I'd explode"
"You said that there's so much you feel & wanna do. Baby? I'm yours and yours alone. Nobody can take that away. Tujhe jo kehna ho, jo karna ho, tu kar. It's just us. It's everything that we're building. Together" he smiled at her lovingly.
"The problem is that everybody in the past reciprocated everything that I gave them but you? Sana you arise emotions and desires inside me that I've never even known existed before. I look at your face and that's it for me. I feel like a lost cause with you. You say that you're a novice, but baby? The kind of power you hold over me, I feel helpless in your hands. I feel like I know or have known nothing before you came along. You're magic Sana. And remember, magic only happens once in a lifetime and you're that magic baby" he finally sighed as he looked at her.
He knew everything that he said, had hit her like a rock.
He patiently waited for her to react or say something once she processed it all.
"Can I kiss you?" she finally spoke. His eyes widened the slightest bit as he silently pulled her on top of him by her waist.
She slammed her lips on his and kissed them like there was no tomorrow. She didn't let him move his lips as she took complete charge. He held her tightly by her waist as her shirt hiked up and his fingers dug in her bare waist. Her movements were so confident, so powerful, he felt like she was a new person altogether. He moaned in her mouth as she plunged her tongue inside his mouth tasting the minty cigarette along with his own musky taste. He lost his mind and he pressed his fingers deeper on her bare waist. She held his face in both her hands so firmly that he felt like he would crumble in her hands. She didn't let him catch a beat as she sucked onto his rough lips with everything in her. He finally moved his fingers up her waist hiking her shirt up even more and caressing her soft skin. She finally left his lips for a second as he opened his eyes and she towered his face. Her hair fell over them curtaining them. He softly held her hair pushing it back, totally rendered powerless by her.
"Baby.." he tried speaking up
"Shhhhh. I'm not done yet" she mumbled as she kissed him again. She sucked softly on his lips this time and took her own sweet time with his lips. Sidharth moaned louder this time with the confidence her movements had. She finally moved away when she felt her own breaths were running out. She threw her head in the crook of his neck as he held her closely. They were both panting and gasping for air. She placed a soft kiss right where her lips were and he sucked in a breath sharply.
'You're killing me Sana" he whispered.
"I don't care" she panted back.
She finally lifted her head up from his neck and looked at his face brieftly caressing it lovingly.
"Thank you Sidharth. For everything" she pecked his lips softly before he could answer her.
"I..I wanna do so much more. Can I, Sidharth?" she whispered softly, looking in to his eyes for his assurance. He stared at her for a few seconds and then he gave her the warmest smiles, nodding softly and tucking her hair strands back. She bent and started placing soft kisses on his neck, driving him insane.
"Sana. Fuck" he grunted as he held her tighter by her bottoms. She jiggled her legs moving them completely over his and her lips grew stronger on his neck. She placed soft small kisses on every corner of his neck as he caressed her back, lost and at her mercy. She left his neck and softly bit her lip and moved her hands lower onto his chest, caressing it. The images of his toned hard chest weren't leaving her mind since she saw him in his uniform. She wanted to see what was beneath that shirt. She felt a maddening need and urge to run her fingers all over his hard toned muscles the moment she saw him in his uniform. He slowly opened her eyes and as he did, their eyes met and she lightly smiled before roaming her fingers all over his chest not once looking away from his face.
"My baby" he whispered.
Her face seemed so calm, so serene, it glowed like she had just descended from the skies above. She slowly sat up and started getting off him. he instantly panicked and grabbed her tighter, his eyes narrowing at her but she just smiled in return and got off of him, sitting on the side. She took his hand and pulled him up making him sit up cross legged. She stood on her knees and came in front of him and looked at his face.
"What Baby?" he looked at her face, softly. She smiled and caressed his face. The stubble pricking her fingers. She then softly rubbed the pad of her fingers above his eyes, making them close on their own.
"Kitne pyaare ho" she mumbled, as if in a trance.
"Sidharth? You know what I've wanted since I saw you in your uniform?" she softly asked him removing her fingers from his eyes. He instantly opened them and raised his eyebrows at her. he could see how her cheeks were flushing and she bit her lower lip from the side as she prepared herself to say what she was about to. He kept looking at her trying to radiate that comfort and warmth to her so that she says it out, whatever it is.
"I..I wanna see you without your shirt" she said it out in one breath, her cheeks turning red at the confession. He was certainly not expecting that. His eyes widened at her as he smirked, enjoying her expressions.
Her eyes roamed his chest and back at his face when he spoke
"Take it off" he rasped, staring intently into her eyes. She gasped as it hit her, what she was about to do. The countless fantasies she had had of him shirtless since the day she had started knowing him. His broad and hard chest, it always made her go weak in the knees. She remember how very early on, she had wanted to admire him, see him in that way and she would often brush away those thoughts, scandalized by them herself. She finally breathed in and looked in to his eyes for courage as he sat there, completely at her mercy, the same warmth reflecting in his eyes as he looked at her in a way that couldn't be put in words. She shakily moved her hands lower, softly grabbing the hem of his t-shirt and wrapping her fingers around it as she looked into his eyes one last time before she pulled the shirt up pulling it all the way up his head and taking it off. The moment she did, his lips parted as he stared into her eyes with desire dripping them. She kept his shirt on the side and as soon as she looked at him he fisted his palm at the back of her hair bunching it in his hands and pulled her closer, slamming his lips on hers. She was caught off guard and she almost lost her balance but held him by his biceps. They kissed so passionately and aggressively that they couldn't tell each other's lips apart. She didn't let him take charge even now and sucked his lips with a force that even she was unaware of. Once she was done, she left his lips.
"Sana" he breathed looking at her swollen lips.
She moved back and finally her eyes roamed his entire chest freely. She lost her mind at what she saw. His chest was better than anything she could have imagined. It was chiseled, broad, a thin line of hair trickling in the center, and his muscles so sharp and chiseled that it felt like somebody had carved them using a knife. He was enjoying her wonder filled eyes and he let her explore on her own. He sat there looking at her with a smile etched on his lips. she finally placed her hands on his bare chest and the moment she touched him, a small mew left her mouth. His hard chest felt rock solid beneath her shaky soft fingers. He kept his own fingers on top of hers and steadied her movements, assuring her. He roamed her fingers over his chest and guided her to explore on her own. She met his eyes briefly and smiled.
"You are so Hot Sidharth" she mumbled, not caring of what he might think.
She bent forward and started placing kisses over his neck again, holding his shoulders for support. A low moan left his lips as soon as her lips touched his skin. He wasn't lying when he said what he had just told her. she made all his prior experienced absolutely worthless. His arms wrapped around her back for support as he kissed his neck all over.
"Aap mere ho Sidharth" she mumbled as she left his neck for a second.
Sana's confidence grew as his soft caresses and his grip on her encouraged her. She dared to finally do what she had been fantasizing for so long now. she started moving lower with her kisses and kissed a trail down from his neck till his chest.
"Sana. Fucking hell Baby" he grunted, holding her tighter.
She grasped his shoulders tighter and moved closer to his chest, her lips roaming all over his toned chest. She kissed every part that she wanted to. She took her own sweet time kissing his chest and caressing it every now and then. When she finally felt like she wanted to move ahead, she straightened up. She felt like she was locked up in her very own candy store where she could explore all on her own without any stopping or hesitation. She felt euphoric and so powerful.
He softly caressed her face as soon as she straightened up and faced him.
"Sidharth, I know how you always feel about it. I've thought of it so many times too. I wanna feel that too" she said looking into his eyes. He didn't understand what she meant but he smiled and just rubbed her lips softly, nodding at her for whatever it was that she wanted to do. She came closer cupping his face in her hands and started placing wet kisses all over his neck. Low moans escaped his lips as he chanted her name, caressing her hair. She stopped for a second and looked up at his face before she did what she was going to. She bent again kissing his neck and going lower and lower. Once she reached right above his collar bone, she kissed his skin there and then softly took it in her lips sucking on it. the moment she did that, his eyes snapped open realizing what she was going to do. His grip on her hair tightened .
"Sana, Baby..what" he was just about to ask her when she bit on that part of his skin, completely taking him by surprise. A light wince left his mouth as his fingers travelled lower and hiked her shirt up, caressing her bare waist. She took his skin in between her teeth biting on it lightly and then sucked onto it soothing it and making sure that she leaved a mark.
Every time he marked her, and the high it gave him, it drove her mad. She wanted to mark him too. and the moment he had told her outside that he didn't have a count to give her, she felt like her entire body throbbed with the desire to mark him as hers. She sucked on his skin to her heart's content and when she finally left it, there was a red blotch there. She couldn't explain what seeing that did to her.
"Sana, come here" he pulled her face up by the back of her hair causing her to wince. His eyes bore into hers and he had never looked at her so intensely. She bit her lip to stifle her shyness.
"What did you just do?" he whispered, huskily.
"I wanted to mark you too. I wanted to see how that feels" she whispered, barely able to look in to his eyes.
"And?" he rasped, raising his eyebrows at her.
"I loved it" she whispered, shyly. He smiled at that and pulled her into his arms, hugging her to his bare chest.
"Wow Baby. That was...something" he whispered, completely powerless.
She smiled hearing that and hugged him back tighter.
"Was I..good" she whispered next to his ears. He smiled hearing that.
"You blew my fucking mind away" he whispered back.
"Lemme look at you" he pulled her back and looked at her glassy face. It was red and flushed but so calm, so beautiful. He pecked her lips softly.
"You're a quick learner" he smirked, looking at her face.
She giggled shyly and wrapped her hands around his bare neck and spoke
'Well, what can I say? I have an excellent teacher" she bit her lip, batting her eyelashes at him.
He grabbed her harshly by her chin and pushed her face back and placed a kiss to the side of her neck. Her eyes fell close on their own and she sighed.
"I love students who are so keen to learn. The teacher can't wait to teach you more sweetheart" he whispered placing another kiss to her beautiful neck.
"Mmmm Sidhaarth" she moaned as his words undid her like always. She clutched her legs tighter to get rid of that feeling there. He realized what she was doing and his eyes widened as it hit him. He moved away from her neck and looked at her face that was thrown back and her eyes closed.
"Kya hua Baby?" he asked her softly as he pulled her face up by the back of her head. She slowly opened her eyes and shook her head at him shyly.
"Can I make it better?" he whispered, his eyes flickering to her face and then lower. She didn't answer him but she clutched her hands tighter around his neck, biting on her lip.
"Time for another lesson" he rasped .
He took her by surprise as he instantly grabbed her by her waist and turned her around, making her lie back on the bed as he came over her towering her. She gasped with the suddenness .
"Sidharthh" she held him by his shoulders as he held his weight on his elbows, leaning over her. his eyes roamed her entire face as she looked at him clueless. She was back to his naïve baby. The one that drove him to the brink of insanity.
"Shhhhh. Let me take over" he shushed her by placing his index finger over her parted lips. she blinked at him, lost and waiting for his direction.
"Do you trust me?" he whispered right on top of her lips, with his finger still placed over them. His hot breath fanned her lips and it tingled her. Her heart beat suddenly escalated as she knew something big was coming. Something that would blow her entire existence away. She just blinked her eyes at him slowly.
"Good Girl" he rasped finally removing his finger from her lips and pecking them softly.
He bent and placed a kiss to her chin, moving lower as she automatically raised her face up, giving him more access.
"My magical girl" he whispered as he kissed right below her chin and a trail beneath it. His hand started moving lower on to her body. It roamed her torso, then caressed her abdomen and as it started moving lower she gasped, panicking. She immediately held his hand there not knowing what to say or do. He stopped kissing her and looked at her face. Her eyes opened as she looked at him, scared and unsure.
"Relax. It's just me" he whispered assuring and soothing her with his words.
The moment he said that and the way he said it, she visibly relaxed and loosened her grip on his hand. She slowly removed her hand and lifted both of them up and wrapped them around his neck, holding him in place. He went back to kissing her below her chin and on her entire neck, lightly nibbling here and there. His hand finally moved lower and the moment it reached her pelvis she gasped. He left her neck and placed his lips on hers, dissolving her gasps. He kissed her lips with such softness and calmness that she felt like she needed to burst herself open for this man. His fingers caressed her pelvic and moved lower. He could hear her heart thudding across her chest and her hands tightening around his neck. He kept kissing her lips as softly and lovingly as he could. His fingers finally touched her where she couldn't have imagined.
He lightly rubbed his fingers from above her night suit pajama and a loud moan escaped her lips. He didn't stop kissing her lips for even a second. His fingers rubbed her folds from across the pajama and he could feel her pajama slightly getting moist. He could feel her getting restless as her hands kept tightening around his neck and she tried biting his lip. He could feel her moving her feet as her moans kept getting louder. He kept rubbing her folds as softly as he could. He just wanted to acquaint her with the feeling for now. Once he felt, it was getting too much for her, he softly left her lips and looked at her beautifully flushed face. Her lips were parted and eyes tightly clenched.
"Sidhaarth" she panted his name.
He finally removed his fingers from between her legs and kept his hand on her side, caging her in between his arms.
"Open your eyes baby. Look at me" He rasped right on top of her face.
"No. Please" she begged him, shutting her eyes tighter.
"Sana" he spoke softly.
"Sidharth.. that was... it was.." she panted, her eyes still shut. He let out a small chuckle.
"I know baby" he pecked her lips.
"Won't you let me see you?" he whispered, smiling.
"I want to, but I'm shy. And so overwhelmed" she whispered back honestly, holding him tighter.
"Why are you so cute baby?" he laughed kissing her nose.
'I know it was a lot. Just look at me" he commanded her.
She slowly opened her eyes and the moment, she felt like she just saw stars. He looked at her with such intensity, that it felt like the ground beneath her feet would break open.
"Sidharth" she mumbled looking at him.
"Yes Baby" he said softly, looking at her entire face.
"Mai.." she struggled with what she had to say.
'I know. Shhh. Idhar aja mere paas" he lied back on his side and pulled her into his arms.
"Come come come. Today was a lot. You need to sleep now. Rest" he kissed the top of her head as he patted her head on his bare chest. She hugged his bare torso and smiled, closing her eyes.
"Stop smiling and sleep" he whispered with his eyes closed as he smiled.
She giggled and placed a kiss to his bare chest and whispered
"Thank you".