Thikaana

Thirty One

Sidharth picked her up swiftly in his strong arms and walked towards his own bedroom. She stayed there wrapping her limp arms around his neck, just quietly staring at him. He kept looking straight clutching her closer. She softly smiled at him. He looked towards her with seriousness and so much depth in his eyes. He bent and quickly pecked her lips. She softly gasped, barely able to give a reaction. She was so exhausted, so tired, so drained. He finally entered his bedroom and walked towards his bed. Sana was so tired and so lost in his face that she didn't even realize when he softly put her down on the bed. She realized as soon as her back touched the bed. She looked around and then at him. He pushed her back delicately as if she was a glass doll who would break if he exerted even an ounce of strength on her. he made sure she was comfortable and then slowly made her lie down, setting her pillow. Sana was such a mess, physically and emotionally. She kept staring at his face all this time. He didn't say anything either. There was this unacknowledged comfort between them where they both knew what each of them was feeling at that moment and what the other's presence meant and so they just silently relished in that moment. He covered her till her waist with the quilt and then finally looked in to her beautifully tired eyes.
"I'm just coming" he whispered softly, with seriousness. She instantly panicked and grabbed his hand the moment he straightened and was about to walk away. He held her tight fingers with his other hand softly and blinked assuringly at her.
"Just a minute baby" he said softly. He was still not smiling at her. He was extremely soft and careful but he wasn't smiling and his expressions were serious and unreadable. She was a little bit worried.
Sidharth walked out of the room and took out a glass and filled his small jug with water from the dispenser. He was extremely silent and shaken up. He had never seen her break down or cry or shout like this. He was genuinely scared seeing her and what she was going through. He knew she was hurting because of his own hurt. Seeing her cry like that, and push him away like that, although she hadn't meant it and he knew that, but it still scared him nonetheless. He sighed and  ran his hand through his hair. He then walked back inside the bedroom closing the door. the moment he entered, he saw how her panic filled gaze was stuck to the door and as soon as he walked back inside, she let out a relieved sigh. She saw the glass and the jug of water in his hands and she wanted to cry some more. He slowly walked towards his side and placed both the things there and then climbed in to the bed. Finally. She turned her head towards is side and watched him as he got inside. He poured some water in the glass and brought it, lifting her hand up. She was so done and so lost in him that she felt as if she was under some spell and just kept following through every and anything he was saying or doing silently. He helped her up and silently brought the glass rim to her lips. He could see her lips were red, swollen, almost bruised and dry. They were literally stuck together because of the dryness. She opened her lips apart as soon as the water touched them. She gulped the cold water down and it almost stung her scratchy throat. He silently watched her as she drank it all up. The moment she finished it all up, she lowered his hand with the glass and looked at him. He looked in to her eyes for a second and turned pouring in some more water. He brought the glass back to her lips and cupped her head from the back with his other. He put the glass down on the table as soon as she was done and turned towards her softly making her lie back. He too lied down next to her putting his weight on his elbow and lifting himself up slightly, turning towards her.
"Yahan kyun le k aaye?" she finally spoke, very softly. Her voice was till hoarse and scratchy. He was silently looking into her eyes and her whole face.
"Because I don't like you there" he said softly. Sana smiled at him. He lifted the other hand and softly caressed her cheeks with his thumb, not saying anything but his eyes so dark and so deep.
"How do you feel now? Aur paani chahiye?" he asked her concern and worry lacing his tone. She just looked in to his eyes and grabbed the hand that was on her face and brought it to her lips. She pressed a soft and long kiss to his palm and just placed her lips there for a few seconds closing her eyes.
Sidharth sighed staring at her tired face and just let her do whatever would comfort her. She finally left his hand and placed it back to her face, looking in to his eyes. He started rubbing his thumb in soft slow circles on her cheek while he too kept staring at her eyes silently.
"Sidharth" she finally broke her silence. He questioningly looked in to his eyes. She had so much to say, she was so tired, so scared, she didn't know how to say what.
She again brought his hand down and clasped it in hers and just brought it to her chest hugging it tightly.
"I'm scared" her voice cracked the slightest bit. His heart broke. He realized she was trying to look for comfort and assurance. He bent and placed a long kiss to her cheek, she opened her eyes up and he then started at her and then placed another chaste soft kiss to her lips, silently assuring her that he was there.
"Pata hai kitna yaad kia hai mene apko. Aapke ghusse se darr kabhi nahi lagta Sidharth, kyunki wo bhi mujhe apna lagta hai. Uss mai bhi aap dikhte ho na tou pata hota hai k wo kahan se araha hai. Darr apke ghusse mai aap mere se door ho kaoge, usey lagta hai" she worded it out with as much rawness and honesty as she could, staring in his eyes.
He just silently rubbed her lips softly, pecking them again.
"Sidharth. Mai kitna pagal ho gayi thi pata hai? Jab aap ne ek bhi message nahi sunna, calls bhi kaat di, mai kese milti aapko?" her voice broke again. He sighed painfully. He regretted it so fucking much. He moved closer to her and cupped her head with the hand he was leaning on and caressed her cheek from the other.
"Mene jhoot nahi bola Sidharth. Sachi, kasam lagay. Mene sachi kaha tha wo sab. Thi mujhe aapki zarurat, pagal ho rahi thi mai ye soch soch kar k agar aap nahi mile, tou kya karungi. Apko pata hai? Aapke ghar bhi ajati jab aapko kaha tha k bas arahi hoon. Lekin jab aap ne wo message kia, usne mera dil tod dia" she sobbed. He sighed, his eyes stinging the slightest bit.
"I'm sorry Sana" he barely whispered, not being able to speak any louder.
"Usey bhi nahi rukna tha mene. Mene socha mera Sidharth hi hai na? Tou kya hua agar wo aise keh raha hai, ghussa hai, mana loongi. " she stopped in between, her teary eyes looking at him, breaking his heart. He too didn't once move away his eyes. He wanted to let her know that he was listening and he was believing everything.
"Lekin mai ye soch k ruk gayi k agar aap ne phir mujhe peeche Dhaka de diya tou wo le nahi paungi. Sidharth I would never lie to you, I swear" she cried. He knew that, dammit. It was killing his heart to see her beg to him like that. He never doubted her honesty. He knew she too was suffering but her heart was true to him. He knew that. He instantly shook his head and wiped her flowing tears softly, silently telling her to not cry.
"Mene drama nahi kiya Sidharth. Jab koi aur tareeka samajh nahi aaya app se milne ka, tou mene socha bas apko kasam de kar bula loon. K aao aur le k jao mujhe, wo sach tha Sidharth. I did need you. Desperately. Like a person needs air. Iss liye wo message aise likha taqay aap ajao bas. Kyunki bharosa tha mujhe k mera Sidharth ayega. I'm sorry k aapko dara dia, lekin mujhe kuch aur samajh nahi laggi. Mene bas apko bulana tha. Socha tha jese hi aap aao ge bhaag k aap se maafi maang kar apko sab bata doongi. I'm sorryyy " she started crying loudly, straining her voice more. She covered her face with both her hands. His heart was constantly being crushed. He hated himself for being so harsh to her. She was right. She sent him so many messages and did so many calls but he didn't respond on a single one. He did push her away warning her not to come. She still went ahead with this just so that she could reach out to him, and he, he let his anger blind him. Dammit. Her crying was affecting and straining her throat more. Her voice was so hoarse and almost breaking. He instantly held her hands trying to remove them from her face, but she pressed them harder on her face crying louder.
"Tch, Sana please please baby don't cry so much. Tera gala phat raha hai. Please baby, stop" he spoke desperately trying to pull her hands away but she shook her head. He left her hands and spoke again
"Acha stop. Bas" he started rubbing her arms up and down trying to slow her down. Her crying finally slowed down and she just rubbed her hands on her face like that, not wanting to show her face like that to him. She rubbed her face and eyes so much that the tears went inside her eyes stinging them. He knew what she was doing. He tried slowing her hands and holding them, she finally let him. He removed her hands and her face was such a mess. He looked at her so helplessly, begging her to stop silently. Her lips were almost sticking to one another again because of how much strain she was putting on her throat. She silently extended her arm out towards the water and he instantly bent over filling the glass up. He brought the glass to her lips and put his hand behind her head just lifting it up the slightest bit for her to drink the water.
"Araamse" he said . Once she was done, he put the glass back and removed his hand from behind her head making her lie back.
"Pata hai jese hi car mai aayi aur apko aise itna pareshan dekha, meri jaan nikal gayi. I was..."
"Sana shhhh baby, bas bas . Abhi please, no more talking. You've already strained your throat so much. Abhi bas rest kar. Mai yahin hoon na bacha? We'll talk, as much as you want okay? I promise. Kahin nahi jaa raha lekin please, abhi sirf rest." He spoke worry and seriousness lacing his tone, he was slightly bent over her face. She looked at his worried face and softly caressed his cheek.
"Nahi Sidharth, ab aur nahi. Mujhe aap se bohat kuch bolna hai. Bohaat sari bateein karni hain, please" she begged.
"Aise kyun bol rahi hai Sana. Hum karenge na. Par abhi I want you to rest, bas" he spoke firmly.
"NAHI" she swiftly shook her head at him. She could be so stubborn at times. He sighed, giving up.
"Jab aapko itna pareshan car mai dekha I wanted to hug you right that moment and just not leave your arms. I wanted to tell you k main ab theek hoon kyunki aap agaye ho. Par mujhe darr tha k agar ap ghusse mai mujhe wahin gaari se utaar k chale jatay tou? Kitni bezatti ho jati meri office k saamne" she gasped seriously. His eyes widened and he let out a loud shocked laugh.
"WHAT?" he squinted his eyes at her not able to hold his amusement back. What was this girl.
"Haan jee sachi. Itnay bhole mat bano, sab pata hai. Jab ghusse mai pagal hotay ho na, tab kuch bhi kar sakte ho, aaye baray" she rolled her eyes cutely, making him smile. He had such aggressive urge to eat her up. He bent and placed a loud firm kiss to her pouty red lips.
"JEEE. Issi liye I wanted k bas pehle kisi tarah aap wahan se tou chalo na." he laughed.
"Par Sidharth mene jhoot nahi bola. Mene apko kaha tha na? K mai theek hoon. Kyunki aap agaye, aap ne mujhe wahan se le liya, mai theek ho gayi thi ussi se. Aap please mujhe ghalat mat samjho, I wasn't trying to use you or make a fool out of you" she suddnely got serious again and her the desperation in her voice stabbed him right in the chest. Her voice cracked. He immediately held both her hands and placed soft kisses to them comforting her.
"I know. I know baby." He whispered.
"I can never do that. I can never use you. Aap, aap sab kuch ho" she cried softly.
"Shhhh Bas. Bas meri jaan." He whispered caressing her face and head softly. He had such plead in his eyes, he was begging her to stop. It was killing him.
"Pata hai jab uss din aap ne bahir pi hui thi. Aur aap aise, aise sahi se chal bhi nahi paa rahay they, kitna darr gayi thi mai. " her eyes widened with fear.
"I'm sorry" he whispered, he was so ashamed. She softly cupped his cheek pulling it closer, making him look in to her eyes. She shook her head at him and lifted her head up placing a kiss to his chin.
"Jab aap ne mujhe..jab aap ne mujhe wo.." she bit her lip moving her eyes to the side. She was suddenly feeling a little conscious of mentioning that bite mark. His eyebrows furrowed, not understanding why she was suddenly being that way. He stared at her face for a few seconds giving her time to speak. She looked at him again, his questioning eyes gesturing her to go on. Her breathing escalated a little.
"Jab aap ne yahan .." she finally placed her index finger on her neck, right where he had bit her. She waited for him to see. His eyes softly followed down to her finger and then widened and then darkened the slightest bit. He kept staring there and then softly removed her finger and bent placing the softest of kisses there, right where he had bit her. She inhaled sharply, closing her eyes. he moved back up and stared into her beautiful eyes softly. She finally got the courage to continue. He moved back.
"Jab aap ne kaha na, k dard hua na? Mujhe bhi hota hai, yahan.." she softly touched his chest, and he inhaled this time. She looked back in to his eyes for a few seconds silently conveying to him how it broke her. He understood.
"Sidharth mujhe laga jese kisi ne mere pairo k neeche se zameen khench di. Mera dil jese kisi ne seene se nikaal k bahir phenk dia. Itna darr laga, Itna buri tarah dil mai dard hua. Aapko aise dekh kar. Mujhe maaf kar do. Mene ye kabhi nahi chaha. Mai usey behtar marna.."
He cut her off by harshly placing his lips on to hers. Her words died down in her mouth and her eyes automatically closed with the harshness of his kiss. He sucked her lips with such firmness and dominance that she almost lost her mind. She was just about to hold his hair when he immediately pulled back and stared at her.
"DON'T" he warned her. Sana's eyes filled up.
"Jab aapko itni takleef mai dekha, mera dil phat gaya. Mujhe laga k mai aapko sirf tabah kar rahi hoon Sidharth aur mujhe apke paas nahi hona chahiye. Although all I wanted at that point was just you. I only wanted you. In every way I could. I wanted to hold you and not let go. Ap se maafi maangna chahti thi, apko innni saari kisses dena chahti thi, aapko apni baaho mai rakhna chahti thi, lekin I couldn't kyunki mai hi aapki takleef aur dukh ki waja thin a. Sidharth mai apko kese face karti ye jaante huay what I was doing to you. Aap ne sirf mujhe sambhala, aur itna kuch diya hai jab se miley ho mere se. Itna sara kuch" she spoke caressing her face lovingly and ever so softly. Trying to convey her feelings to him through her touch. He removed her hand and softly kissed her fingers.
"But seeing you like that, it broke me. I wanted to remove myself away from your presence and life. Mai kabhi aapko dukh nahi dena chahti Sidharth. It would destroy me" she cried softly, her nose sniffling and red. She looked like such a lost broken baby. He was so helpless. It was destroying his heart seeing his baby , his love cry and beg for him like that. Life was being so hard on them.
"Shhhh, bas" he said softly wiping her face with a serious expression. He didn't want to fall weak in front of her. She couldn't take it right now. She suddenly choked on her saliva and erupted in a loud cough. She hiccupped and started coughing badly. His eyes instantly widened with panic, he immediately lifted her up and rubbed her back harshly.
'Araamse Sana. Bas bas" he kept rubbing her back and then poured some water bringing it to her lips. She took a few small sips and her throat was finally better. He made her lie down and spoke firmly this time, meaning business.
'BAS. No more talking. You need to rest. Chup ek dam" he spoke looking in to her eyes. She tried opening her mouth but he immediately shushed her placing his finger to her lips and widening his eyes at her.
"NO" he said. He lied down next to her and then pulled her weak small form into his arms, placing her head right below his shoulder. He softly rubbed her back and spoke
"Chalo, close your eyes now." he spoke to her like you speak to a little baby, she was one to him. She reluctantly closed her eyes sighing. Being in his arms like that after so long, felt surreal. It was like someone was literally pouring ice cold water on her burning heart. Her eyes hurt so much. So did her throat. She laid there quietly hugging his stomach while he kept rubbing her back slowly and softly soothing her. After a few minutes she moved a little bit. She still had so much to say. It was eating her up. She couldn't let it go anymore, it would eat her up alive. She softly lifted her face up to look at him. His eyes were open and he was staring up at the ceiling, lost deep in thought and she knew. She cutely tapped her index finger on his chest to have his attention. He immediately looked down at her and raised his eyebrows.
"Siyaapa khana na karna, Lekin mujhe baat karni hai" she whispered softly looking in to his eyes. His nostrils flared the slightest bit and as soon as he opened his lips she immediately pressed a quick kiss to them.
'Please please please naaa Sidharth, please. Mujhe kuch ho raha hai na. Mujhe bolna hai. Please pakka aramse baat karungi, please. Mere achay laddu ho na?" she cutely squished his cheeks, making his lips pucker out. He squinted his eyes at her shocked at what she just said. He removed her hand
"WHATT" he asked amused. His eyes slightly crinkling from the corners. She giggled cutely playing with his cheeks.