Thikaana

Twenty Six

Sidharth woke up the next morning with a loud groan. The moment his sleep broke, his head felt like it would explode. It was constantly throbbing and spinning as if someone was ramming a hammer in it. His fingers instantly went to his forehead and temples, trying to soothe the pain and hold the spinning. He opened his eyes slowly with a painful groan. His eye sockets felt heavy as anything. He hadn't drank like this since ages & due to the quick intake, his system was unable to process so much alcohol at once. The moment he was slowly opening his eyes, the entire last night played in front of his eyes & a gasp involuntarily left his lips & he shot his eyes open, instantly sitting up on the bed. He remembered their last conversation and how he manhandled her. It hurt his heart thinking how he tried hurting her.
"SHIT SHIT. Fuccckk" he groaned painfully, due to the physical and the emotional pain. He turned and immediately tapped on his phone. It was '10:30' am. He immediately got out of bed, feeling terribly nauseous and sick. He wore his slippers and ran outside to her room. He was constantly groaning in pain & muttering curses on the way to her room. He could hear his heart throbbing painfully and fearfully. He released a long shaky breath and turned the knob open. What he saw shocked and scared him at the same time. The bed was freshly made & the room was spick and span with no traces of her or any of her belongings. His face fell open.
"SANA" he shouted moving inside, desperately looking around, though he knew she wasn't there. He frantically ran to the washroom and that too was empty. He ran a desperate hand through his hair, still looking around as if she would magically appear from somewhere. He then went to the door and ducked his head out and screamed her name again, this time a bit louder.
"SANAA" his voice was really scratchy and raspy. He came back inside the room and realized that she had left.
"FUCK" he screamed, kicking the bed harshly. His nervous fingers were constantly running through his hair, his eyes roaming every nook of the room. He was relieved that she had left but at the same time the very realization that she finally had, scared him. He knew this would be it. The thought of physically hurting her last night was eating him up. He wanted to come apologize and just check up on her once. He was about to leave the room roaming his eyes, when they fell at her bed side one last time. He frowned. A light green folded paper was there and he could see something written on top of it. He moved a bit closer & his eyes widened.
"S I D H A R T H"
"No" he muttered picking the paper up. The excessive alcohol & this entire ordeal  was making him all the more sick. He felt like he'd throw up any minute. Seeing that paper & his name on it like that, it already sank his heart. He didn't want to read it. He knew it was a goodbye & he wasn't ready for it. Did he go too far with her last night? Was this it? Was he ready for her to just leave like this? These thoughts were scaring the crap out of him and holding that folded paper in his hands was making all of it a reality. Short shaky breaths left his mouth. He looked to the side pursing his lips & then finally looked down at the note. He went outside the room shutting the door. That room was a reminder of her. He sat down on the sofa in the lounge with one leg folded under his thighs and the other on the floor. He finally opened the note.
Sidharth, by the time you finally spot this note, I'll be gone & you'd have found out. Sab se pehle ye k meri fikar mat karna, I'm going home and I'll be fine. Theek hoon mai ab. Jitna bhi ghussa kar lo, Pata hai k meri chinta karte ho. Samajh nahi araha kya kahun. I don't want to be dramatic by writing a note or something par himmat nahi hai aap se baat karne ya apki awaaz sunne ki. Last night the way I saw you, Sidharth usne mere dil ko kuchal dia. Aise laga sachi jese kise ne mere dil ko bahir nikaal kar uss pe paer de dia ho. Jab se aap mile ho, meri zindagi mai doosri koi cheez mujhe nazar hi nahi aati, issi liye har doosri cheez se bhaagti arahi thi. Par kal apko dekh kar thappad baja mere k Sana kya kar rahi hai tu? Sidharth, tera Sidharth jiska itna karti hai, usko jaante boojte huay aise takleef de rahi hai? Wo bhi sirf apni khushi k liye? Sidharth, han mai kar rahi thi ye sab, par apko takleef dene k liye nahi, sirf iss liye kyunki mujhe apni khushi chahiye thi jo sirf aap ban rahay they. Par ghalat kia mene. Apko kabhi hurt karne ka soch bhi nahi sakti, aur aap hi ko itna hurt kardia na? Maaf kar dena please? Aap ka ghussa le loongi, aapki nafrat nahi le paungi. Iss liye I'm leaving Sidharth. Mai theek rahungi. Ye soch kar k ab apko aur takleef nahi mil rahi meri waja se. Aap bhi theek rehna, aur zada ghussa mat karna.
Apki Sana.
"Fucking Hell"
"Sana" he gasped, in a low inaudible voice. The reality of it hitting him. His eyes suddenly stung and burnt, but he rapidly blinked them. He wanted to throw this note away, drive to her home right now, hold her in his arms and just bring her here but he knew better. He threw the note away on the table and immediately grabbed his phone dialing her number. He wanted to ensure she was okay, especially after how he handled her last night. The line kept ringing & eventually went unanswered. He clenched his jaw & threw the phone on the sofa, swearing. He sat with his forehead held in his hand. He realized it was for the best. He felt bile rising up & he ran to the washroom just in time. He bent over the toilet & threw out the entire remnants of last night, groaning in discomfort. After, he was finally done, he washed his face and mouth & stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes were red and heavy. His face seemed tired & dull. He really wanted to smash something.
****
Sana had an extremely uncomfortable and broken sleep last night. She would wake up after every few minutes murmuring his name & then realizing what was happening & then crying herself back to sleep. The moment the sun was up, she stayed in bed for a while sure of what she had to do. She finally got ready to leave at around 9 but before leaving, she had to leave something for him. So that he doesn't lose his mind & also because she wanted to apologize. She didn't have the courage to call him up & do it so she felt that she should write it all down. Right when she was leaving, silent painful tears constantly flowed down her eyes but she kept walking. Her feet wanted to just run back to his room & hide herself in his arms but she knew, that if she tried to even look at him before leaving, she would fall weak and so she just left. Since she had come back to her apartment, she had thrown her bag on the sofa in the lounge, kicked her shoes somewhere on the way & crashed on her bed. Tomorrow was the last day before her leave ends & then she'd be back to work. She didn't want to do anything, and just hide away in her bed and just cry but she knew that going to work would be a good distraction. Her health was much better too. There was slight weakness but otherwise she was recovering well. She was just staring into nothingness when her phone rang and broke the silence in the house. She almost jerked and grabbed her phone. The moment she saw his name, she sat up and her eyes instantly filled up. Sana wanted nothing more than to swipe it right and hear his voice but she refrained herself. Her thumb hovered over the screen, her eyes shedding painful tears seeing the call eventually end. She knew he must be worried & would scold her for leaving like that or would enquire about her health. In any way, she wasn't ready to listen to that comfort in his voice. It would break her yet again & she wouldn't be able to do what she had decided to. So once the call ended, she wiped her eyes and turned her phone off putting it in the drawer. Sana lied down on bed hugging her pillow close, terribly missing his arms. She let herself cry & feel that gut wrenching physical pain in her chest. It comforted her, she wanted to punish herself for breaking him like that. His red eyes, his broken face & that hollow voice, it wasn't leaving her. The way he took her fingers and pressed them against his heart & what he said, it killed her. She felt like someone just stepped on her heart and destroyed it. So she wanted to punish herself.
****
Sidharth had been feeling the shittiest. His heart was constantly sinking, how body and mind feeling terribly exhausted and his heart? Well, to put it simply, it felt like someone was searing it raw on fire. His leg was constantly shaking while he just lay on his sofa staring at the ceiling. That sofa too felt painful now, since she was always on it. This was where he had kissed her last night, touched her like that. Was she okay? Did he go too far? What was he trying to do? Take his anger out, hurt her, mark her? He didn't know. It just came to him at that moment. He didn't know what had overtaken him. his fingers constantly strummed on his chest while his other arm was behind his head. He desperately wanted to hold her in his arms & never let go. The urge was weakening him. He knew the only thing that could give him some respite at that point and so he sighed and went inside. He came out of his room holding the lighter & the pack of cigarettes and went straight to the balcony. The sun was almost setting and the waves of the beach could be seen crashing in a rhythm putting a spell to the whole surrounding. A light cool breeze was hitting his face, soothing his warm body. He lit up a cigarette and took a deep long puff inhaling the smoke. He held the cigarette between his fingers slowly blowing the smoke out, and suddenly his mind went to a dark place. A place he never liked visiting.
Sidharth ran frantically coming inside his house and sweating profusely. He was losing his mind & his heart beat erratically. He was constantly dialing a number that was going unanswered & eventually the line stopped connecting.
"Fuckkk fuck. No no no. Please pick up" he was murmuring trying the number again & again. He was desperately running his hand in his hair and wiping his forehead. He then called another number that answered.
"Is she there?? I have to talk to her. RIGHT NOW." he spoke desperately in the phone, his nostrils flaring.
"Arey no, she didn't come today. She's not on duty today na. Yahan nahi hai" a voice responded back. Sidharth released a shaky breath.
"Par tu kyun.." Sidharth cut the call and threw his phone away cursing. He started walking around his house back and forth constantly trying to think of something or to get a hold of everything. He felt like he would explode right that second. He picked up the dining chair & slammed it loudly on the floor breaking it. He screamed fire. He ran his hand in his hair & realized something. He turned and picked up his car keys from the table and moved towards the door.
"I'm coming. You cannot get away like this" he muttered angrily slamming the door shut.

Sidharth came back to the present as he felt a burning sensation on the tip of his finger. He instantly looked down & threw the cigarette bud that had now almost burnt to ashes. His eyes were burning & he hated it. He hated it all. His body was radiating heat & he could literally feel a rage burning inside of him. He wanted to physically hurt & destroy something to take this rage out or else it would consume him. He hated her, he hated himself, he hated the situation they were in. He realized he needed cold water to wash this rage away and so he went inside to wash it all away. Sidharth came out a while later in a fresh pair of shorts & a light blue t-shirt. He was so wrong to have thought that a shower would help. He knew he only needed her in his arms to calm the storm inside him. He was about to sit on the sofa she always used but he decided against it and begrudgingly, went and sat on the other one. He aimlessly picked the remote up & turned the TV on not even bothering to see what was on. A few minutes had passed by with him blankly staring at the TV screen with his jaw constantly clenching & unclenching when the doorbell to his apartment rang. He sprung open looking at the door. Was it ..her? What if it was her? Had she come back? Did she decided to end things back at Punjab? Did she..finally make a call? His heart was suddenly beating faster than he could realize. She had come back like this a few times so that gave him hope. He threw the remote aside & stood up, slowly walking to the door. He thought for a few seconds right before opening the door & then eventually unlocked it. He released a shaky breath he didn't know he was holding upon seeing the person standing there. His mother stood there, smiling sweetly with a bag in her hand, he noticed. The moment he met her kind, comforting eyes, he felt something break inside. He bent and instantly hugged his mother tightly, inhaling her scent and closing his eyes.
"Mom" he sighed. She smiled hugging him back.
"Hi mera bacha. Kesa hai meri jaan?" her warm soothing voice pulled at his heart & for a moment he just wanted to let go of his resolve & just let it all out. He inhaled sharply and moved back, trying to smile back at her.
"I'm fine, aajao" he pressed a kiss to her head, bringing her inside and closing the door. His mother sat on the sofa and waited for him to sit.
"kesa hai beta? And how's Sana now? Tabiat kesi hai uski ab? Socha uska haal bhi pooch loon aur  uske liye thora aur ghar ka fresh khana bana k le aaun. Where' she?" she asked looking around. His smile instantly fell and his jaw clenched. He wanted to smash everything at that moment. He felt like his heart was constantly being crushed. His mother looked at his lost face & frowned.
"Kya hua Sidharth? Where is Sana? Wasn't she with you?" she asked softly, not understanding.
"Uhh. Umm Mom, wo..she went back. To her place" he spoke hurriedly not meeting her eyes. His mother's frown deepened. Seeing the look on his face, and the dullness in his voice, she realized something was not right. She moved a bit closer and kept her hand lovingly on his face, caressing.
"Sidharth? Kya matlab beta? Did you guys fight? Aise achanak chali gayi?"
"Nahi mom, we didn't fight or anything. She's fine now and bas she went back to her place" he responded plainly. His mother sighed looking at his face.
"Sidharth? Sach sach bata, koi jhagdha hua hai na tum dono k beech? Did she say something ya.."
"Nahi mom, relax. Kuch nahi hua. Aap ne hi tou mujhe samjaya tha na that I shouldn't get too attached, so bas wohi kar raha hoon. She's gone where she should be. Relax, I'll be fine" he briefly looked at her and then looked away. His mother sighed. She stared at her son's beautiful face. The brokenness in his eyes & voice, broke her heart. This is what she feared for him, the moment she found out about her relationship. She had realized very early on that her son was beginning to get affected by that girl & that's what scared her but after she met Sana, she saw something. She saw some hope. She saw how Sana looked at her Son & how she was around him. She felt so helpless. This was a battle they had to fight and work around for themselves. She softly rubbed his back wordlessly and blinked at him comfortingly when he faced her. She pressed a kiss to his cheek and hugged him.
"Chal, tu haath mu dho aa. Garam garam khana khate hain sath. I know tu ne kuch nahi khaya hoga subah se" his mother said sternly. She was right. Food was the last thing on his mind. He sighed going inside. They sat and had food together. It felt amazing. Being with his mother especially at a time where he was losing his mind & he really needed some sanity. They spoke about random things but he was mostly quiet & lost, his mother noticed but remained silent. She knew her son was strong enough to fight his way around. Once they were done with the food, his mother went and kept the remaining in the fridge. The box she had brought for Sana still sat there in the bag. His mother thought of something. They sat and talked for a bit longer after which she spoke
"Sidharth, give me her number at least. I can call her and uska haal tou pooch hi sakti hoon na" she spoke softly, unsure of his reaction. He wanted to slam his fist in the wall. His mother speaking like that about her, was breaking his heart more.
"Kyun? Why would you talk to her? She's a nobody to you. Ek baar mili ho bas. You don't have to worry about her" he rolled his eyes. His mother wanted to laugh at her little sulky boy. She lovingly stroked his hair & spoke
"Tch arey han baba ek baar hi mili hoon and neither am I worrying about her. Par insaaniyat k naate tou baat kar sakti hoon na? Bachi hai choti, she's alone here. Agar haal pooch loongi phone pe, tou koi qayamat nahi ajaye gi" she tried to explain him.
"Par kyun" he spat back, extremely agitated.
"Sidharth aise bacho jese kyun behave kar raha hai tu? Haan? Khud ko itni fikar hai uski, k mere ghar utha kar le aya & begged me to cook food fo her aur ab mere baat karne mai bhi problem hai?" she argued. He rolled his eyes & ran a hand in his hair. He took her phone & fed Sana's number in it, slamming the phone back in her hands. She laughed and kissed her annoyed son. She sat there for a bit longer talking to her son about random things and then sinally spoke.
"Chal Sidharth, I'm leaving abhi. Meri ek friend is coming over for dinner so mai ab chalti hoon." She spoke picking her bag up.
"ARey abhi?? Thora tou ruko" he spoke panicked. He didn't want her to leave. The silence in the house was reminding him of her voice.
"Meri jaan tu aja na ghar raat mai. Mere hi paas sou jaa. Abhi to uteri do din aur chutti hai na, why don't you come over, hmm?" she lovingly stroked his face. He nodded. He dropped her back till her car & came back inside with the same sullen mood.
****
Sana had spent the entire evening crying and dozing off every now and then. She really had the urge to take her phone out and switch it on to check if he had dropped a message or maybe a call. She turned her phone on and was disappointed to not find anything. What else was she expecting? She sighed and threw the phone back on the bed. She finally left her bed to go pee. While she was washing her hands and face, her eyes fell on her face in the mirror. Her eyes had bags under them & they seemed so bleak. Her face literally looked pale. Her lips were still slightly swollen and bruised from last night. Her eyes fell below and she was about to look away when her eyes saw something. There was a pretty big and visible dark red/purplish mark on the side of her neck. Her eyes instantly widened and she gasped.
"HAAYE RABBA YE KYA..." she suddenly stopped and her eyes almost popped out. She remembered last night. She reluctantly touched the mark and it stung the slightest bit making her wince. Her eyes couldn't leave the spot. The feel of his teeth clutching around it and then his lips sucking on it, returned and caused tingles inside her stomach. Her eyes instantly filled up remembering what he said after that. She softly kept  rubbing the mark, her cheeks finally finding some color. He kind of marked her. The thought was so new, so intimate, so arousing for her. That mark there was a reminder of how he had been there, where nobody had ever been before. She finally smiled the slightest bit, finally going back in the room. Her phone rang when she was going towards the bed, and she practically ran thinking It could be him. She almost fell over, grabbing the phone but was instantly disappointed to find an unknown number there. She answered uninterested.
"hello, Sana beta?" a kind soothing voice spoke. Sana frowned. She felt like she had heard the voice somewhere but couldn't remember.
"Uhh jee.." she said unsure.
"Kesi ho beta? Rita Aunty bol rahi hoon". Sana practically dropped the phone down, catching it just in time. She was shocked and very scared. His mother. Why was she calling her? Where did she get her number from? Was she mad at her?
"Sana? Beta are you there?"
"uhh..jee..haan I mean jee aunty. Aa.ap?" sana sounded extremely flustered. His mother smiled.
"Haan beta, kesi ho? Tabiat kesi hai ab? Mujhe jaldi se apna address batao, I'm close by tou if you don't mind I thought I'd stop by and see how you're doing" her calm and kind voice instantly calmed Sana down. She robotically told her the address and ended the call. That's when it hit her.
"Hayeeee Siyaapa. Uski Mom arahi hai?? YAHAN? Mujhse milne?? Par kyun babaji? Haye Rabba. Kahin wo mujhe daantne ya maarne tou nahi arahi? Kahin Sidharth ne unhe bata tou nahi dia" she frantically muttered chewing on her finger.
"Kya karuuuuu. Aur tu ne unko maze se address bhi bata dia. Gadhi hi hai tu. Khoti kahin ki. Keh nahi sakti thi k mai ghar pe nahi hoon?"
"haaaye Amma. Kya karu ab? Haye siyaapa pehle tou apna huliya theek kar" Sana was a mess. She was way too nervous to meet his mother that too after last night. She was sure that she was coming over to probably scold her for her son. She changed into a nice shalwar kameez and tied her hair in a pony. That's when her eyes fell on that big red mark, instantly flushing her cheeks.
"Haye isko bhi tou chupana paray gaa. Haye Rabba ki kara mai" she opened her hair back and set her hair putting them in front. Hiding the mark perfectly using her hair. The bell rang about 15 minutes later & Sana lost it. She suddenly started pacing around her lounge scared when she breathed sharply and patted her cheeks a bit to remain calm. She finally opened the door & his mother standing there, instantly put her at ease.
"Namaste Aunty" Sana gathered the courage to finally speak, smiling at his mother.
"Namaste Beta, kesi ho?" his mother spoke warmly, cupping her cheek lovingly. Sana gestured her to come iniside.
"Jee, ab kafi better hoon Aunty, thank you. Aao betho naa please" Sana was still a bit nervous. His mother sat down and gestured her to sit down. Sana was constantly rubbing her hands not understanding any of it.
"Ab tabiat kesi hai bachay? Feeling better?" she spoke lovingly. Sana instantly nodded smiling.
"Chalo that's good. Actually I knew k tumhari tabiat abhi bhi completely theek nahi hogi and you should still have ghar ka fresh bana hua khana, so made some food for you. Tou socha tumhe khud de aaun" she smiled warmly at Sana. Sana was suddenly at a loss of words. She gasped, looking at the bag next to her. She was speechless.
"uhhh aunty..par ye.." she couldn't find what to say.
"Arey relax, itna kuch nahi hai basic sa ghar ka khana hai, that's it" she smiled.
"Abhi fresh banaya tha tou socha tumhe de aaun, par wahan gayi tou Sidharth told k you've gone tou socha khana tou tumhare liye hai tou tumhe de kar hi jaun. So agayi idhar" the calmness in her voice was relaxing Sana's heart. Hearing that she instantly felt like crying. Did he let his mother come here?
"Aunty.. Thank you so much. Mai kya kahun, aap ne itni takleef kyun ki. I mean, pehle hi aap ne itna acha khana khilaya uss din aur ab phir ye.." she was trying hard to hold her voice together.
"Relax bache, itni koi bari baat nahi hai. Simple sa khana hi hai bas"
"uhh aunty? Wo.. Sidharth.. usko pata hai k aap yahan ho? Matlab.." she didn't understand how to say it. She didn't even know if he had told his mother anything or not. He must have given her number to his mother she realized. His mother finally took her hands in her hands and softly rubbed them.
"Haan beta, Sidharth se hi liya mene tumhara number par nahi. He doesn't know that I'm here. Aur usko bataye ga hi kon" she laughed. Sana wanted to cry & laugh at the same time hearing that.
"Par aunty..agar usko ghussa agaya, ya usne bura.."
"Kyun bura mane ga wo? Kya mai tumhe nahi mil sakti? Plus he doesn't know & he won't find out either. So relax" she chuckled. Sana finally relaxed a little hearing that and she smiled fully at his mother.
"Thank you so much aunty. Mere liye itna sochne k liye. Sachi" she spoke in a low voice trying hard to not tear up.
"Kuch itni bari baat nahi hai beta, Maa hoon na? Tou sab hi bache mere liye barabaar hote hain. Agar tumhari mummy yahan hoti tou wo bhi tumhara khayal rakhti na? Tou mai bhi kisi ki mummy hoon aur maaye tou sab ek si hoti hain na, hmm?" she lovingly stroked her hair. Sana's eyes filled up listening to that. She wanted to hug the woman sitting in front of her and beg her for forgiveness for putting her son through so much pain.
"CHalo khana garam garam hai, abhi kha lo. Jao shabaash" she sent her to the kitchen to get a plate for herself meanwhile she took and opened the box. Sana came and sat next to her making a plate for her too.
"Arey beta nahi thank you. Tum khao bas. Mai abhi sidharth k sath hi kha kar aayi hoon". Sana's hand stopped right there. She wanted to ask how he was, and say so much more but she just froze. His mother saw and sighed. Once Sana sat down with her food, she kept playing around with it in her plate. His mother was noticing.
"Sana, beta khao na. Khao aur jaldi jaldi batao mujhe k kesa bana hai?". Sana took a small bite and instantly felt like someone just pumped life inside her. She didn't realize that she was famished.
"Bohat hi acha hai Aunty. Sachii. Sau lagge" she smiled widely at his mom, making her smile wider.
"I'm glad, ache se khao bacha. You need energy to heal faster".
They talked a bit about Punjabi cuisines and Sana told her all about her own favorite dishes but then she couldn't hold it in any longer.
"Aunty, ek baat poochu?" she spoke in a low scared voice. His mother instantly nodded her to go ahead.
"Sidharth. Wo theek tha na"? she mumbled. His mother's heart broke for this young girl who was going through so much stress and conflict at such a young age. She moved closer and spoke lovingly
"Haan bache. He was okay. He will be okay. Don't worry hmm?" she said. Sana wanted to cry her heart out. She wanted to howl. He was not okay. She was the reason behind that. Plus she couldn't even see him and here? His mother was bringing food for her. What did she even deserve to find these two people here? Sana's tears silently flowed out as she met her eyes. His mother shook her head and wie=ped her face clean.
"Nahi bache, aise nahi karte. You're such a brave and strong girl haina? Akeli reh rahi hai yahan, itne baray shehar mai. All by yourself just to achieve your dreams haina? Tou aise nahi rotey. Sab theek hoga bache" she soothed her breaking soul.
"Sidharth ne akele honay kab dia hai ab tak aunty? He hasn't let me be by myself until now" she cried silently. She wanted to let her pain out in front of someone. Someone who would not judge her, and understand. His mother felt like that person to her. Her calm warm aura soothed her hurting heart. She sniffled softly, playing with a bite of the food. His mother took her hand and grabbed that bite bringing it to her mouth. Sana's tears were unending. She took the bite and spoke after a while.
"Aunty mene Sidharth ko tor dia na? Jab se yahan aayi hoon usne mujhe sirf apnaaiyat aur itna kuch dia hai aur mene? Mene badle mai usko kitna dukh de diya na. Maaf kar do mujhe" she cried. His mother's heart broke. She kept the plate aside and hugged that young girl rubbing her back soothingly.
"Shhh nahi beta. Aisey nahi kehte bache. Tu ne aisa kuch nahi kia."
"Nahi. Kiya hai mene. Aap bohat baray ho na, aur apka dil bohat bara hai issi liye aap yahan mere paas aise bethe ho. Warna sach yahi hai k mene usko sirf chot pohanchayi hai. Aur aaj aap hi yahan aake mujhe sambhaal rahe ho" she choked. His mom rubbed her back and whispered assuringly calming her down.
"Bas bas bas bache. Bas kar". They moved apart and Sana looked at his mother like a lost little young girl who needed direction.
"Apko pata hai, wo meri shakal bhi dekhna nahi chahta aur sahi hi hai. Mai nahi milungi ab usko, kyunki mai sirf usko dukh de rahi hoon na" she pouted like a little child. His mother wiped her face lovingly and sternly told her to finish her food up. She picked the plate up and made a bite for her getting her to eat. She ate halfheartedly and then drank some water meanwhile his mother's soothing voice and presence kept healing her. Once she was done with the food his mother spoke,
"Tujhe pata hai beta? When Sidharth had met you, I was initially very scared when I found out about your relationship. Kya karti, maa hoon na? I was scared for him. Kyunki I could see very early on how he was beginning to feel for you. Uski ankho mai mene bohata alag si chamak aur apnaaiyat dekhi tere liye. Uski har baat mai itni protectiveness thi tere liye so mai darr gayi thi bache. Kyunki he's not a young teenage boy who would grow out of it haina? Iss age mai life k iss phase mai where he needs to be settling down and have stability, I didn't want him to go through something yet again" she spoke. Sana's ears instantly perked up at that and her eyes shed more tears hearing that.
"I even tried warning him to stay away from you beta, kyunki mujhe bas ye darr tha k kahin wo itni gehra na chala jaye iss sab mai, k baad mai uske liye nikalna mushkil ho jaye". Sana's tears had no control. Hear heart was healing and breaking at the same time hearing his mother say all that.
"Par tab tak tujhse nahi mili thi na? Iss liye usko rokti thi. Par uss din when he brought you home, I could see why he was so obsessed with you" she chuckled lovingly, stroking her face.
"Tu hai hi itni pyaari, itni maasoom. Teri dil ki purity and innocence reflects on your face beta. Uss din the way I saw you be around him & the way you looked at him, my heart found some hope. Mujhe laga k nahi, shayd mai hi ghalat soch rahi thi pehle. Shayd isko waqt dena chahiye" she smiled warmly at her, bringing a small smile to Sana's lips.
"Par mene tou apka shaq sahi saabit kar diya na. I did break him" she cried louder.
"Tch nahi bache, aisa nahi hai. Dekho, zindagi humain har pal azmaati hai na. Har waqt ek k baad ek imtehaan leti hai humara, par hum agar aise himmat haar jayenge tou agay kese barh sakte hain?"
"Pata hai beta, kabhi kabhi zindagi apko ek aisay mor pe laa k khara kar deti hai jahan se agay koi rasta nazar nahi araha hota. Apko samajh nahi arahi hoti k usey agay kahan aur kese jaaye haina?" Sana nodded.
"Par bache, raasta hamesha hota hai wahin kahin. Bas humain hi usko dhoondhna hota hai. Aur kabhi kabhi raasta apko khud, aap hi ka dil aur aap hi ki intuition dikha deti hai"
"Aur tu kitni bahadur hai, aise nahi rotey. Aise dil chor kar thori sab theek ho jayega? Dekh beta, I know I'm his mother so yes my concern is coming from a place of protectiveness for my child, par mai ek maa hoon na. So tub hi tu bilkul meri betiyo jesi hi hai na. Jo sala mai apni beti ko deti, tujhe bhi wohi dungi. I would never say something just because I'm his mother"
"I know" Sana mumbled innocently. This girl was so pure, so naive and so lost. Her heart went out to her.
"Bache dekh, ye baat tou sach hai na k tu ye sab aise hi nahi chala sakti . This would be unfair not only to you or Sidharth, but also the other person in your relationship, haina? So beta, waqt do khud ko. Socho, samjho parkho apni zindagi ko, apne dil ko. Ur phir raasta dhoondho. Raasta yahin hai, bas tumhe usko pehchaana hai. Par aise himmat haar k if you fall down, you won't be able to get up. Dekho Sana, tumse behtar tou koi aur nahi jaan sakta na k tumhe kya karna hai, bas itna yaad rakho beta k kisi manzil tak Janay k liye apko ek disha leni hi hoti hai. Aisa kuch mat karna jisey tumhe ya kisi aur ko takleef pohnche. Agar tumhe lagta hai k tumhe ye rishta nibhaana hai, tou beta phir beshaq Sidharth meri jaan hai, uski khushi mere liye sab se upar hai, par phir bhi I would never encourage you to be with him even if it makes him happy. Aur agar tumh lagta hai k wo rishta tumhe nahi chahiye, tou phir soch samajh k faisla lena. Bas" his mother spoke as softly but with as much conviction as she could. Sana's face had some peace now. She felt so much calmer and she felt heard. She couldn't thank this woman enough. So she just kept her plate aside and jumped into his mother's arms, hugging her tightly and crying in to her shoulder.
"Aap, aap na sach mai farishta ho. Itne pyaare ho sachi. Thank you thank you thank you. Sidharth sab se lucky hai duniya mai. To have you" she mumbled in her shoulder. His mother smiled warmly, she wasn't wrong, this girl truly was so special. She pulled apart and wiped her face lovingly and placed a soft kiss to her forehead.
"Tu khud jo itni pyaari hai beta. Bas khush reh tu aur khayal rakh apna" she stroked her face lovingly. Sana smiled back nodding. His mother finally gathered her stuff to leave. Sana felt a tinge of sadness. She really felt like talking to her and just listening to her. She stood up nonetheless and hugged her once again, thanking her. Her voice almost cracking. She didn't know how to put in words what she felt. His mother lovingly hugged her back and spoke
"Khayal rakho bachay. Everything's going to be just fine.". Sana saw her off and closed the door. She went inside her room and cried incessantly into her pillow. She was so torn. Hear heart, her body, her mind, it all felt like it was constantly being pulled and pushed back inside her. She was so grateful for his mother and when she thought back on everything she said, she smiled and she cried. Meetings and talking to his mother, she was further convinced that she couldn't hurt him anymore. Not at any cost.