Thikaana

Seventy Seven

Sidharth and Sana had finally reached back Mumbai and were now almost home. She had thankfully slept through the rest of the flight as
Sidharth had hoped. He had constantly kept his head on top of hers and his eyes closed but couldn't fall asleep for even a second.

His mind, his thoughts, his heart, they were all racing and overflowing with thoughts, feelings and emotions. All of this was too much. He had still not gotten the time and the chance to process his own emotions yet. How he had been in London, what changed, how he ended up being in Punjab, everything he went through, everything he fought and was still fighting, it was still all locked up inside him. He was still yet to process it all.

Often times in life, we are forced to face our biggest fears, our life long demons and are brought face to face with them where we are supposed to fight them down and come out stronger and better. Sidharth was brought at that point too. A fear he had harbored inside him since he met Sana, even before that, it all came true too soon, before he could even process it all.

It broke him, shook him completely and changed the axis of his world all too suddenly and in that, he fell, he faltered, he broke. He did not know what to do and how to grasp everything that was just slipping out of his hands. His Sana was slipping out of his hands and he seemed to have no power at all to stop her or hold her back. But he eventually fought. He was forced to face his demons for her and put them aside and come for her. He was made to realize that the only person to put an end to these demons and this trauma is him and him alone, so he fought.

But the reality, the fact that he let her go and let her suffer all alone because he couldn't fight sooner or harder, it broke him, it shook him entirely. Seeing Sana so wrecked and so damaged in Punjab, it ruined him completely.

It made him realize how his delay in being there for her ruined her and also him. He put everything aside as soon as he reached there and fought for her, but seeing her so broken, it had shaken him completely and he was yet to deal with it. He was yet to deal with the after effect of his trauma and how his delay broke and hurt her.

He was yet to address himself and how he dealt with it all and how he was still to deal with it to completely heal and help her heal.

They were both back home, together, stronger and closer than ever but the battle still persisted.

The battle of their personal demons, dealing with their losses,  dealing with their traumas and the after effects of their traumas, coping with everything that happened, understanding it, letting it sink in so that they can move on together in life. As they say, life is never a bed of roses. Every day is a battle, sometimes within yourself, sometimes with the world. Some you win, some you lose in order to rise back stronger.

They fought the battle against the world and emerged victorious and stronger than ever, but now, they had to fight their personal battles, within themselves. But they had one another. They were invincible now.

**********

They were finally home. Sana slowly lifted her head up from his shoulder as soon as the car stopped. His mother's driver had come to pick them up from the airport. Sana had been eerily silent throughout but so was Sidharth. He was just too scared to even ask her the most basic things. Not because of how she'd react, but because he didn't know how she was keeping it all inside and when and what could break her, and what was he supposed to do when she did.

She had been faintly nodding or answering in the smallest of voices and the shortest of words to even the few basic things he had been speaking to her about. But their bodies? They hadn't left each other for even a second. Their hands, or fingers, or shoulders were constantly touching, they made sure to not leave each other for even a second. Sana had been like a scared little child with him as they moved around the airport collecting their luggage and doing all the formalities. She just stuck to his side and didn't utter a word.