Thikaana

Chapter Twenty Four

It had almost been an hour since Sidharth had woken up. The moment he woke up, he instantly checked up on her. She was deeply snuggled in his chest, fast asleep. That did comfort his otherwise restless heart a bit. He had spent the entire night waking up every few minutes to check up on her and see if she was okay. Sana had stirred a few times in her sleep and whimpered twice which had really alerted him but he soon realized she was asleep. Even now that he was up, he was constantly rubbing her arm and her back soothingly and was checking different parts of her skin to see if the fever had gone down. She did feel warm but it was not as bad. Sidharth had just been thinking since the past hour. His mind couldn't stop racing with unending thoughts and scenarios that drove him insane. He had slept straight the whole night & hadn't moved much just so that she could sleep comfortably. His hand was wrapped around her back slowly rubbing it and he stared at the ceiling above, his leg constantly shaking. The thought of her being so sick, so weak and so alone, it scared him senseless. She already looked so weak and so fragile, he couldn't stop thinking how weak she would have been the day before when the food poisoning was just kicking in. She had nobody to look after her or even cook food for her. The what ifs were eating him up. The realization that she still chose to cook for him before coming here, it melted his heart like nothing else. He couldn't possibly put in words how that made him feel. He looked down at her face and placed a soft kiss at the top of her head, bending down a little. With every passing moment, this girl was awakening feelings and emotions inside him that he hadn't ever felt so intensely. She was making him go on a path he had long turned away from, and that is what scared the crap out of him. The thought that what if all of this is not enough and she eventually chooses to or is forced to return back, leaving him and his heart here, it made him lose the ground beneath his feet. His arms around her tightened automatically, causing her to snuggle more in to him. He looked down at her small figure, tightly wrapped in his arms and he wanted the moment to just freeze. This girl was becoming so important and so much for her, her safety, her health, her happiness, her innocence, it all made him lose his mind but in a good way. In a way where the intensity of how you feel is much and so strong that it makes you lose your mind because it feels like a feeling you haven't felt before or a feeling you cannot explain. He remembered how he was not fully okay with her right before he found out about her health. She knew that he wasn't but not once did she let that get in the way. She was still the same with him, it made him smile slightly. He didn't want to hold back either. In fact only if he could tell her, how deeply he had missed her, and the feel of her body close to his, but the distance came from a place of fear. A fear that he found really hard to explain about.
He felt her slowly stir and make a small sound. He looked down and spoke softly
"Sana? Baby uthe gi? Kesa feel kar rahi hai abhi? Eat something light and then apni medicine le le" he caressed her hair lovingly.
"Hmmm. Abhi aise raho thori dair" she mumbled snuggling deeper in his chest. He chuckled
"Abey aise hi hain pichle ek ghante se. I've been up since an hour" his voice was so raspy. She looked up at him slightly opening her eyes, looking like a baby.
"Kya matlab? Uthe huay they tou mujhe kyun nahi jagaya?" she asked him.
"Kyunki I wanted you to sleep and rest as much as you can. Tu uth k kya karti?" he asked her seriously.
"Aap ne kya kia tab se?" she questioned him back, making him chuckle.
"Tujhe dekha" he said charmingly.
"Tou phir mai bhi apko dekhti" she smiled cutely.
"Pagal. Chup reh" he bent pecking her swollen lips, taking her by surprise. Her eyes widened the slightest bit and she just gasped not responding.
"Chal abhi freshen up, eat something. Itni si ho gayi hai in two days" he spoke sadly rubbing his hand on her arm.
"Aap kya meri mumma ho" she giggled. He smacked her head lightly.
"Haan samajh le wohi hoon. Tera diyhaan aise hi rakhna padta hai, warna tere bas mai ho tou pata nahi kya kya gadha panti kar le, pagal" he spoke seriously but lovingly. Her smile fell and she got quiet.
"Sidharth?" she spoke in a small voice.
"Hmm?" he could sense thr change of tone.
"Mera diyhaan aise hi rakhna nahi padta, sirf AAP hi aise rakhte ho. Pehle kisi ne aise nahi rakha kabhi. Farak hai" she spoke softly not meeting his eyes. His heart broke and his arm that was around her back tightened, pulling her closer. He silently lifted her face up by the chin and pressed the softest of kisses to beautiful lips. He kissed her lips softly but with conviction letting her know what he wanted to convey. She tightened her fingers on his shirt, giving in. He pulled apart after a few seconds not wanting to tire her a lot. Their eyes met silently, and she just smiled.
"Chal, fresh ho kar bahir aja" he spoke softly and gave her a smile before she sat up. Sana felt much better than she felt yesterday but she still felt the sickness and the weakness. She could tell the infection hadn't completely left her body yet and she didn't really feel hungry. She cursed the street food and herself for being so careless.
"Siyaapa khana. Sahi tou kehta hai wo. Gadhi hai tu" she mumbled to herself tying her hair up in a bun and going to the washroom. Sana went outside in the lounge after a few minutes and saw him standing there doing something on the stove. His hair looked so messy and so thick, she wanted to run her fingers in his hair suddenly. His face was serious  but filled with stubble and his eyes seemed sleepy. He looked so sexy and so hot that she wanted nothing more but to go in to his arms and let him do whatever he wants to her. Her heart also exploded seeing how he was standing there taking care of her. She walked up to him while he just lifted his head up silently acknowledging her and went back to his cooking. He was making an omelet for himself she saw. She walked past him and stood behind him wrapping her arms around his chest and pressing her cheek against his back. She stayed like that silently and then pressed a kiss to his back.
"Kya bana rahe ho aap" she mumbled against his back, causing him to feel a current with how her warm breath fell on his back.
"I made you some toast and tea, now making an omelet for myself" he answered plainly.
"Mhm" she hugged tighter. He wanted to move in order to plate the omelet.
"Oye, hatt. I need to get the plate" he said softly wanting to move but also not wanting her to leave him. She tightened her arms instead not wanting to leave him. he sighed and held her hands with his wanting to loosen the grip.
"Ahaaan. Kya kar rahe ho, kyun hata rahe ho" she pouted angrily.
"Abey, plate leni hai naa. Kya sara din yahin kahde rahe? KHana nahi hai kya?" he spoke bewildered. She finally lossened her hold letting him turn around, she looked at him with a sad face.
"Mera apko pakadna acha nahi lagta kya jo aie chura rahe ho?" she asked him sounding hurt. He wanted to laugh out loud and kiss the life out of this girl, but he tried stifling his laugh.
"Arey pagal hai kya? Baby tujhe khana hai na jaldi. It's getting late. You need to eat something & then take your medicine" he tried explaining to her as sweetly as he could. She just nodded making him chuckle.
They were eating their breakfast when she spoke
"Sidharth, Thank you" she sounded serious and sincere. He looked at her confused, with his mouth full of food and his lips forming a cute pout. She couldn't resist and quickly pressed a kiss to his cheek.
"Kya hua" he asked finishing his bite.
"Wo..apni Mom se milwane k liye, for taking me to her house. She is so amazing. Itna acha khana khilaya unho ne mujhe, itne pyar se" she spoke softly, smiling. He smiled at that and tucked her hair back caressing his cheek with his fingers.
"Eat now" he said . She wanted to ask more, much more. She wanted to ask if he had told his mother about her engagement, she knew he had because of what she had said to her in the end but she wanted to listen it from him. She wanted to ask him about what he had exactly told his mother about her, about them and what was her take on it. She wanted to know so much but she was scared. She was scared of his answers and of his reactions. She wanted to just be with him and take in all the warmth and pampering and care he was giving her. She didn't want to upset him by bringing this topic up for now. She saw how he was stuffing his mouth with large bites of the omelet and he looked absolutely adorable. She giggled and caressed his cheek lovingly, smiling at him.
"Pata hai kitne pyaaru ho aaaaapp" she was having an overflow of emotions for him. She didn't know how to express and take it all out. He just gave her a baffled look and continued eating, signaling her to finish up her bread.
"Bas naaa Sidharth please" she whined pushing the plate away.
"Chup chaap khao." He spoke sternly pushing the plate back to her and giving her a serious glare.
"Kya hai sidhaaarth. Mera nahi na aur mann. Ulti ajayegi, please naaa" she whined.
"Tch Sana, why do you have to be such a baby all the time? Dikh nahi raha kitni weak hogayi ho. Kuch khaogi tabhi dawai lo gi na. It's just a small piece of toast, kha lo chup chaap. Har time bachpana mat kia karo" he said a bit loudly and sternly, making her cower back sadly. He was already angry at her for not taking care and being so careless that too when he was gone. Plus the whole situation they were in and how his own feelings were intensifying with each passing moment was messing with his head a bit too much and on top of that she not understanding his concern & how she needs to be vigilant about her health was further irritating him. He spoke a bit too harshly and he instantly realized it the moment the words left his mouth & seeing how her face suddenly fell, he knew. She had gone completely silent and wordlessly pulled the plate closer and started chewing on the piece of toast that was left, her eyes constantly glued to the plate. He sighed and rubbed a frustrated hand on his face. He kept seeing her but her gaze didn't move. He placed a hand on her arm that was on the table. She instantly removed her arm away moving her plate to the side. She kept looking down the whole time. He wanted to smack himself for speaking like that to her, that too when she was sick. She picked the last piece up and stood up with her plate to go when he reached for her hand but she was fast enough to walk away. He sighed loudly, running his hand through his hair and watched her go. He knew she was upset and was wanting him to coax her. He was so ready to. He stood up and walked behind her in the kitchen wrapping his arms around her small form and placing his chin on her shoulder. She gasped not expecting the closeness but didn't give any reaction, quietly washing her plate off in the sink.
"Sana" his voice was husky and low. She wanted to melt in it but tried keeping her calm, focusing on washing. He then placed a kiss to her ear, making her inhale sharply.
"I'm sorry baby" he whispered placing small kisses all the way to her cheek. He knew he was melting her and he could tell she was trying too hard to not react. He could see how her grip on the utensils in her hand was tightening. His hands slowly moved up towards her chest. She kept the utensils down and just when his hands were about to cup her, she pushed his hands away, moving away from him, still not saying anything. He went and pulled her hand turning her to himself and moved closer , caging her between the kitchen counter and himself. He placed a soft kiss to her palm and kept looking at her face. She was not meeting his eyes, and kept staring at the floor.
"Itna ghussa hai k dekhe gi bhi nahi meri taraf"? he asked her in his low voice.
"Nahi dekhna" she finally mumbled bringing a smile to his face. He held her face from the chin making her meet his eyes.
"I'm sorry baby, mene zada bol dia na. But I was really worried Sana. I can't tell you how worried and scared I have been thinking of you being like that all alone. It is messing with my head" he confessed honestly, tucking her hair behind and just caressing her face softly. She looked up at that and she knew he was right. She finally hugged him making him wrap his arms around her and he placed his chin on top of her head after placing a kiss there.
"Janti hoon" she placed a kiss to his chest.
"I'm sorry baby. Ab ghussa nahi karunga" he spoke.
"Karoge tou sahi" she stated knowingly, causing him to laugh because he knew she was right.
"Kyunki tu kaam hi aise karti hai na" he teased, pulling her closer in to him.
"Hawwww kitne kameene ho" she gasped wanting to pull away. He laughed tightening his hold.
"Acha acha relax. Nahi keh raha kuch, come here" he pulled her closer and then bent placing a kiss to her cheek. She moved back smiling at him and he took her to the lounge. He sat there taking her with him. Sana sat opposite to him folding her legs under her thighs. He leaned back, and straightened his legs putting them on the table in front. He then tried pulling her feet from underneath and when she did he pulled her leg placing it in his lap. She sat there with her head leaned back against the sofa while she let him play with her feet. He had given her the medicine and they were now just sitting. He played with her feet slowly rubbing on to them and pressing her fingers softly while he seemed lost deep in thoughts. She was quietly observing him, the man that he was. She played with his shorts.
"Aap itne ache kyun ho" she said seriously. He looked at her.
"Ye sab mat bol" he said with a seriousness, slowing his fingers on her feet. She frowned but she had an idea why he said that.
"Kyun? Sach bol rahi hoon. Ho tou ho" she said anyways, knowing she shouldn't have. His hands stopped and he turned to look at her with a serious face and expressions that she couldn't read.
"How does it matter Sana"? he said what she didn't want him to. She kept looking into his eyes and then silently pulled her feet back and moved forward crawling into his lap entirely. He sat there with his hands to the side, his expressions serious. He seemed torn and confused. She stared into his deep intense restless eyes and cupped his face in both her hands, softly rubbing it. she pressed her nose to his and stared at his lips. He was just sitting there silently watching her.
"Bohat tang kar rahi hoon na mai apko" she whispered her voice cracking the slightest bit. Her warm breath fell on his lips, causing them to part slightly. He briefly looked at her lips that were so close to his and then he looked into her eyes. They had tears filling them and they helplessly stared into his. He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it. His jaw was clenched and he seemed like he wanted to break something. She was constantly rubbing his face. He looked at her lips and took them in for a harsh passionate kiss. He sucked and nibbled ad bit on her lower lip harshly, causing her to wince. She moved her fingers at the back of his head, playing with his hair softly. Her eyes closed letting her tears escape and mixing it with her saliva. He could taste her tears in the kiss making him kiss and suck her lips harder. He kissed her for a long time not wanting to let go. He took out his anger, his helplessness all in the kiss. He bit her lower lip causing her mouth to open. He pushed his tongue inside, exploring her mouth and trying to convey everything he wanted to. She kept playing with his hair letting him do whatever he wanted so that he could calm down. She didn't try stopping him even once although his harshness was hurting her. Her tears kept flowing. When she finally couldn't breathe, she slowly kept her hands on his chest, he pulled away the moment he felt her hands. Short loud gasps left her lips. Sidharth looked at her face and then at her lips. They were swollen red and the lower lip almost seemed bruised. He knew he went too hard on her. He softly rubbed it and then pressed another soft kiss to her lips. She finally looked up at him and brought her hands closer to cup his face again when he pushed her hands away. She looked at him shocked. His gaze was hard. He then pulled her hands together moving her to the side and out of his lap. She instantly tightened her hold
"Sidhaarth" she tried speaking.
"Sana please. Leave me alone for a while" he spoke harshly, moving her away and getting up. She sat their watching him wear his slippers and walk inside his room. She sat their wanting to cry louder. Before she could move, he came back out putting something in his pockets and moved to the balcony outside, sliding the doors shut. Her lips quivered and she sat their hugging her knees to herself, crying silently. She knew he had gone to smoke. She wanted to cry at his feet and ask for forgiveness for the way she was torturing him and killing him silently but she felt it in her heart and soul too. Every time she realized it, her heart physically ached. She turned her face to look at the balcony every now and then. He had his back to her and she could tell that he was smoking. He was leaned towards the railing, holding it from one hand and holding the cigarette in the other. His free hand constantly ran through his hair, telling her how frustrated and angry he was. She felt so bad and so helpless. She wanted to go to him and ask for his forgiveness but she also wanted to let him be. She didn't want to annoy him any further. Sana felt a cramp in her stomach and she ran to the washroom but it was a false alarm. She washed her face and saw how pale and hollow her face looked in the mirror. Her lips were still red and swollen and the lower lip was almost slightly bruised from the side. Her lips till stung and she could feel the intensity of his lips on hers still. She slowly touched her lips causing her to wince. She wiped her face clean and came outside to see that he was still outside. She lied down on the sofa curing to the side holding her stomach because the cramping had returned. She felt so drained and so exhausted, physically and emotionally. She let her eyes droop and dozed off before she realize.
Sidharth was smoking cigarette after cigarette cursing incessantly. He wanted to break something so bad. He felt like he was stuck in a loop and didn't know what to do. He so badly wanted to distance himself from her, but he didn't know if he could anymore. He stayed there for a good half hour or so before he felt his anger finally subsiding. The calm and quiet outside was soothing his raging heart. She hadn't come outside for him even once. He was glad she didn't but he also deep down wanted her to. He rubbed his face in both his hands and sighed before he finally moved in. The moment he entered back, he saw her sleeping curled up on the sofa like a baby. He walked closer and his heart softened instantly. He knew she had cried and her lips seemed red and bruised.
"Fuck" he whispered realizing how harsh he had gone with her. he bent and wrapped an arm around her lower back grabbing her a little and placed the other hand behind her knees lifting her up in his arms. Her face automatically fell on his chest while he walked inside his room. He placed her on the bed softly, covering her with the duvet. He set her hair back and stared at her face for a few seconds before he bent and placed the softest kiss to her lips.
"Mera bacha. I'm sorry" he whispered caressing her face softly. He closed the door quietly before moving out in the lounge. He turned the news on to distract his mind a bit although it was still restless.
Sana woke up after an hour and she suddenly felt confused and lost. She had slept really deeply and she couldn't figure out where she was and what time it was. She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling for a few seconds lost. She then remembered where she had slept and why. She rubbed her eyes and looked around. It was his room. He probably brought her inside. She had felt his touch in her sleep but she thought she was dreaming. She sat up on the bed and saw her phone lying on the side table since the whole day. She tapped the screen and it was around "9:!5" pm. There were a few office messages and three message notifications from Akshay. She kept her phone back and stood up to go outside to him. She still felt scared and didn't know what she would say to him but she also wanted to be with him. The stomach cramps were better but she still didn't feel her best. She walked outside the room rubbing her eyes like a baby with the cutest of pouts on her swollen lips. The moment the door opened his eyes shot to the door waiting for her to walk outside. He had been missing her terribly. He saw her walk out like a little baby rubbing her eyes and he could tell she was scared.
"Come here meri jaan" he said straightening his legs wanting to hold her. She walked straight in his lap straddling him. she wrapped her hands around his neck silently while he looked at her face and lips repeatedly, concerned.
"kesa feel kar rahi hai meri jaan?" he asked her lovingly.
"Sorry Sidharth..mai"
"Shhhh" he cut her off by placing his lips on her forehead.
"Bas" he spoke again looking in to her eyes lovingly. She cupped his face sweetly and looked at him. He glanced at her lips again. He rubbed her lips softly with his thumb.
"I'm sorry Sana. I went too hard on you" he spoke with guilt laced in his tone.
"Shhhh" she imitated him by kissing his forehead. He closed his eyes and a soft chuckle left his lips. She smiled back putting her face on his shoulder.
"Kesi tabiat hai abhi?" he asked her rubbing her back.
"better" she mumbled.
"Abhi bhi ghussa ho" she asked softly playing with his shirt. He smiled at her tone.
"Nahi hoon baba" he spoke softly pulling her closer.
"Kuch khayegi. Raat ho rahi hai, do you want me to heat the khichdi mom gave yesterday?" he asked her. She was feeling hungry and she instantly nodded, smiling at him like an excited kid. He laughed pecking her lips softly.
"Good girl" he spoke huskily. They both went inside the kitchen to heat the food and take the plates out. Sana could feel he was still not exactly fine but he was trying to be.
"Haye Sidharth, main na khana kha k apko apna new upcoming campaign dikhaun? Read through the ideas that I proposed and tell me what you think of it" she spoke excitedly. He smiled and nodded. They heated the food and sat there on the table pulling the stools out. Sidharth could tell she had absolutely loved the khichdi his mom made. She was so indulged in it that she wasn't even looking at him or talking. He liked it. He was happy she was eating properly.
"Sidharth kitni achi hai ye haaaye, apki mom best hain. Sachi" she spoke with her mouth full looking at him cutely. He chuckled and removed the bit of rice that stuck outside on her lip.
"I'm glad. Sahi se kha baby" he smiled at her. She was so happy and so grateful for this. For him, for everything that he was giving her and filling her heart with but it also scared her. There was only so much he would take. She chose to push that thought away for the time being and just relish the moment. They talked about random things and she asked him about his next flight and where he would be going and what he would do there. He patiently answered all her questions while ensuring she was eating properly. Once they were done with the food, they went and sat back in the lounge. She brought her phone outside and opened the document she wanted him to read through. She offered to make him some tea while he sat there reading the document.
"Chup kar k yahan aja baby. You need to rest abhi. Come sit" he tried pulling her hand.
"Nahi Sidharth, kasam lage mai bilkul theek feel kar rahi hoon abhi. Aap aramse padho na, mai bas paanch minute mai chaaye laati hoon. Pakka" she insisted. He sighed letting her go. Sidharth read through the document and loved the ideas that were proposed in the campaign. He had a few questions too, that he had decided to ask her once she was back. He was scrolling through the document when her phone pinged with a text message. His eyes involuntarily went up to the notification bar where the message had pooped. The sender made him go still. He could read half of the message but something in him made him press on it, opening up the chat. He saw how there were quite a few messages there, all unanswered. He read through them, his nostrils instantly flaring.
Akshay:
I miss you Sanu. Jaldi aaja wapis bas ab.
Akshay:
Kitna ghussa karegi

Akshay:
Sanu yaar ae tey na kar hun.

Sidharth's jaw was clenching going through all the texts. It was like the universe had decided to constantly remind him of the harsh reality every time he wanted to forget it and be in the moment. It felt like a constant slap on his face each time, making him realize how she still wasn't his. The last and the recent message that she had just gotten was it for him. He saw red.
Akshay:
Sanu kab tak baat nahi karegi? Jaanda aan tu ghussa hai par ae wi jaanda aan k bohat pyaar kardi ae mere kolo tu. Abhi door hai na tou tu ae sab sochdi payi aey. Jab ayegi mere paas, sab theek ho jayega Sanu. Tujhe pata hai na kitna pyar aur intezaar hai menu tera. Aana tey tu ithey hi hai na, jab ayegi sab change lagay ga tenu. Saada pyaar saada sath, sab kuch. Love you Sanu.
"FUCKING HELL" he shut the phone slamming it loudly on the sofa, keeping it aside. His eyes were red and he was losing his mind. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs and just push her out of his house, and his life right that minute. He couldn't keep doing this. It would destroy him. His Leg was shaking uncontrollably and his whole form was. He looked at her in the kitchen. She stood there cooking the tea happily. She seemed so aloof and so unaware. It further angered him. He wanted to drag her out of the house right that moment but he was trying to control his anger. He wouldn't let her do this to him.