Thikaana

Chapter Eight

"Here, have this" Sidharth broke her thoughts, while coming with a tray with some Tea & a cheese sandwich. He was just so kind & so thoughtful. How could she not melt. She gratefully smiled at him & instantly grabbed the tray. She seemed hungry. He was sure she hadn't eaten anything since the incident. "Ab sahi se khao isey, kuch khaya hai bhi sahi prso se ya nahi?" he asked her sternly. She just nodded. "Lag tou nahi raha". Seeing her dig in without any hesitations warmed his heart but also troubled it. He knew she had been through a lot since the past day and a half, his mind just couldn't stop running through various scenarios of what could have happened. He sighed looking at her eating like a baby. A small smile came on his face seeing her so comfortable around him & in his house. He quietly sat there with two of his fingers covering his mouth. He was deep in thought. He was just looking at her & with every passing moment, it was hitting him of what just happened and what could have happened. He was so thankful that she managed to escape & things didn't get worse.
"Sana?" he said softly. He didn't want to break her calm. She seemed famished & the way she was sitting, with her legs folded and the tray in her lap. She seemed so at ease & that did something to his heart. She looked like an actual baby. She looked at him questioningly with her mouth full with the sandwich, he chuckled.
"I was just thinking something" he spoke while using his thumb to clean the crumb that was there on her chin. The moment his thumb touched her skin, she instantly moved back, but not because she didn't like it, but because it was too sudden & it seemed as if a current had just touched her. He however was very casual about it and continued.
"Dekho, I understand that you didn't want to take my help after what I had said the last time, but mujhe ye samajh nahi araha k why did you go alone? See , when the lock broke you should have asked your guard or someone to either get someone and get it fixed or maybe tell you of someone who could have gotten it fixed. Point ye hai k tumhe khud kisne kaha tha itna smart bannay ko k madam ne mu uthaya aur khudi nikal gayi" he was keeping his tone very low but it rose a notch towards the end as irritation seeped in thinking what she was trying to do & what it landed her in. "Ye sab kaam building k guards wagera karte hain ya koi na koi banda hota hai har jaga who looks after these things. Tum unko kehti, ya chalo wo bhi nahi tou kisi colleague ya neighbor ya kisi se pooch tou leti, bas google kia aur nikal pari" he rolled his eyes.
"and when you knew that you have no knowledge of these things, didn't it occur to you to ask for someone's help? Guards kis liye hota hain? Tumhe kya lagta hai buildings mai aisay issues kabhi nahi aatay? They're used to of getting these things sorted yaaar" he frustratingly ran his fingers through his hair. Sana was quietly listening to him while eating her sandwich. His anger, his frustration it all seemed so comforting to her that she was shocked at the feeling. It was like a wave that just hit her and made her realize and aware of the present. She was in his house, eating food so comfortably made for her by him, & listening to his scolding because he was worried for her. It all felt strange but in a very real way. She never thought a stranger could make you so at home. She finished her food and kept the tray on the table and brushed her hands together cleaning them and turned towards him, still sitting cross legged.
"Sidharth, calm down. Meri baat suno aap, shanti se ok?" she said pointing his finger at him. He nodded give a slight smile.
"Dekho, aap jo keh rahay ho na ek dam sahi bol rahay ho, Ho gayi hai ghalti, maanti hoon na? Uss time nahi hua mujhe realize. Uss time aqal ghaas charne gayi thi. Ek tou itne din se mai roz subah office k liye late ho rahi thi aur subah full panic mode mai tyar hoti hoon, phir this happened and I was so flustered with all of it k I honestly didn't give it much thought aur bas aisay hi chali gayi aur jab sham mai wapis aayi, so I wanted to get it sorted aur socha thori issi bahane city bhi ghoom loongi and I'll find my way around. Aur ussi soch k sath I searched up the internet and just went ahead with it. Guard shuard ko poochne ka khayal hi nahi aaya meko uss time, bas nikal gayi " she pouted sadly at him. He sighed and moved towards her. He picked one of her hands from her lap and took it in both of his hands and softly rubbed it.
"It's okay sweetheart, I understand. It's just that what happened or could have happened is really fucking my mind up & the thought that you ended up making such a blunder is troubling me more. Par it's ok, chill kar. I'm so happy you're safe" he gave a slight press to her hand & smiled warmly at her. He wanted to just grab her & take her fully in his arms but he didn't wanna scare her. He had felt that feeling now & he wanted to feel it again. She smiled fully and so warmly at him. Her eyes told him that she knew his concern was genuine. He smiled back and left her hand reluctantly. He looked at the clock, it was around 3 in the afternoon. Seeing her eyes & face he knew she hadn't been sleeping too well and he had even see her rub her eyes while he was talking.
"Chalo, why don't you go inside the guest room and rest for a while. I can tell you've not been sleeping too well, hmm?" he stood up & kept a hand at the top of her head lovingly giving it a slight press. It instantly brought a smile on her face & she looked up at him like a bay, who was just so happy receiving so much of genuine warmth and concern. She wasn't used to of it. She couldn't handle the amount of warmth this man, this stranger gave to her. She just nodded at him. He was about to leave when she instantly held his large hand with both her small ones. He looked back at her raising his eyebrows.
"Sidharth? Phir se wohi kehna hai. Aap ka bohat thank you, mai kya kahun. Mai ye sab kese karti aapke bi.."
"Shhhh" he bent towards her and removed his hand from hers & instead took her hand in both of his. He was suddenly so close, he was at face level with her & she suddenly felt uncomfortable but not in a bad way, she just felt tingly.
"Don't. Mene kuch nahi kia, balke jo kia ussi ki waja se ye sab hua. So please, you don't have to thank me. In fact, I'm so grateful to you for coming here & staying in front of my eyes. It's comforting me, seeing you here, safe and sound." He whispered looking directly in to her eyes. She just nodded. She couldn't utter a word, she felt she was suddenly under a trance or spell. How did he always speak to her soul like that? And how did he always speak to her like he owns her & knows her in a way nobody else does. She instantly shut her thoughts and removed her hands from his and stood up making him move back too.
"Mai yahin sona chahti hoon, issi sofay par. Mujhe yahan zada acha feel hota hai. Mai yahin sou jaun?" she asked him looking towards the sofa.
"Of course, if that's what's comfortable for you. Bas sou jao, just rest. Please. Mai Yahin hoon, I just have to make a call, so I'll be inside. Hmm?" he told her picking his phone up from the side table. She nodded at him and moved towards the sofa setting the cushions. He went inside and called his mom. He had to let her know that he won't be coming today.
"Hey Kesi ho? Acha subah I told you k mai aata hoon shower le k, but wo something came up. I don't think aaj aa sakunga." He spoke rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.
"Kyun bacha? Kya hua, is everything okay? I was waiting for you. Wese hi itne din baad aana that u ne" his mother spoke.
"Han I know wo umm.. You remember Sana? The girl who I had helped wo darshan par? Basically she landed herself in some trouble. Wo aayi hai yahan, she's not okay, so I just want to be with her aaj, if that's okay? Uska yahan koi hai bhi nahi, I told you earlier na, she's alone here." He spoke hesitantly. His mother was his best friend. She was one of the most wise and understanding woman he had ever known but he didn't know whether she would understand this or not. Rather, what would she think of it, he didn't want her to think something that wasn't going to happen. His mother was surely surprised. Even the day he had told her how he had found her and took her home & spent the entire night taking care of her, she knew this girl was special to him. She had done something to her boy, because he wasn't like this for anyone. He hadn't been since many many years. So it had definitely come as a pleasant surprise even that day and now? He was again with her, she didn't know anything about them right now but what she did know was that this girl was engaged. That's what Sidharth had told her earlier so she just hoped that he wouldn't get himself or the girl in any troubles.
"Oh yes, of course I remember my love. Kya hua bachi ko? Is she okay?" she asked him worried.
"Yeah yeah, she is now. It's a long story apko mil k batata hoon. Abhi just take care, mai kal aata hoon. Ok?" he told his mother softly.
"Haan chal okay tu bhi khayal rakh, apna bhi aur uss bachi ka bhi and Sidharth? Just be careful bachay. Don't land yourself in some trouble, theek hai mere bachay?" she said softly.
"Han mom relax, I'll be fine. Chalo Bye" he kept the phone down but would he really be fine? He wasn't so sure.
****
Sidharth came out while checking his phone when he slightly lifted his head up to see her & he stood right there. She was cuddled into the sofa and was turned towards him with one cushion under her head and the other tightly tucked in her hands. She had a slight pout and her hair strands were falling on her face. She looked so unreal, so angelic, so serene. That sight of hers sleeping so comfortably in his house it tugged at his heart. A girl who's existence he didn't even know about a few days ago, and who was still to some extent a stranger, with no established relationship or equation between them, seeing her feel so safe within his presence and her safety mattering so much to him, it felt so unbelievable but also so real to him. He had never thought that in all these years of making sure to steer clear from investing or going to any such direction, he would end up feeling so strongly pulled towards a girl who was so young, so different to him, who literally came out from nowhere & who belonged to someone else. He released a shaky breath. The last bit shook him, he was beginning to feel such an inexplicable pull towards her, every time he saw her or met her, she did something to his soul, it wanted to protect her and keep her safe. This feeling baffled him, he had lived a life full of experiences, especially the last few years where he was adamant that he wouldn't be going this way anymore, he had casual hook-ups but nothing that could shake his foundation and this girl, lying in front of him so comfortably in his house, she erupted feelings in him that he couldn't understand. It was not mere attraction. Yes, he was attracted and pulled to her beauty, to the innocence she exuded but it was much more. Every time he had found her in some trouble, his soul yearned to keep her safe and be there for her. This was new for him. He moved towards the large window in his lounge and over-looked the view outside, the sea. He went and stood there with his hands folded across his chest. The entire ordeal she had been through again started eating him up. She was so close to danger, she was in danger and all because of what he had said to her. He wanted to bang his fist at the window at one point. But what he had said to her, it wasn't entirely wrong. He still felt that way. Yes, he did care for her insanely, he was pulled to her like a moth is to a flame but it didn't change the fact that she was engaged and that she only saw comfort and security in him, that's it. she keeps running back to him because she has made him her comfort zone in this new place. For him, she was not just a young girl new in the city who he was helping out of kindness, it was much more so that's why he felt that he had to pull back before it got out of hand but the way she was standing out his door, her state, it wasn't leaving his head. The way she ate, the way she was sleeping, and most importantly, the way she clung to him without any thoughts, it spoke volumes. It made him restless of what she must have felt or how scared she would have been. He wanted to throw something out of anger. He ran a hand in his hair and then kept both is hands on his waist and started pacing the lounge, looking at her every few seconds. He was so torn, he wanted to protect her be there for her, the guilt of saying that to her was eating him up, what happened with her was killing him but with all of this, he was also scared of how strongly he was starting to feel for her. His thoughts broke with a loud shriek from her. His head snapped towards her and the sound pierced his heart. She was crying hysterically and was constantly rubbing her waist as if she was trying to remove or shake something off. His heart sank. He ran towards her.
"Sana, Sana kya hua..Sana" he panicked and kept saying while shaking her shoulders and kept trying to pull her face towards him in order to calm her down, she was constantly crying and the sound was piercing his heart and she looked hysterical and scared. She wasn't realizing where she was. "Sana, Listen to me sweetheart kya hua bacha? Relax relax you're here, sana what happened?" he kept saying trying to bring her attention to him.
"Wo..wo hatao, hato unke hath, they ..they touched me..they..hataoooo" she cried hysterically. His heat dropped into his stomach and he felt he couldn't breathe suddenly. Did something else happen? Did she not tell him the entire thin earlier? Fuck. This is what his fear was but he was relieved that she escaped and it didn't go beyond it but then, what was she saying. Why was she crying like that. She was traumatized. It had to be something more. He was suddenly so scared. He sat next to her and took a hold of her arms and shook them harshly in order to break her trance. He screamed "Sana, Listen to me. You are safe. Tum yahan ho, kuch nahi hua my love" he harshly held her cheek and brought her eyes to meet his. Her screaming and her trance suddenly broke. She looked at him for a few seconds, with tears constantly running down her eyes. He kept wiping them silently, they were paining his heart. "Sana, dekho sweetheart, you are here. You are at my place, mai hoon yahan, you're okay my love kuch nahi hua. It was a bad dream, relax,' he spoke as softly as he could looking deeply into her eyes. She suddenly realized and again broke down crying loudly and instantly came into his arms . this time he didn't take a second before engulfing her tightly in his hold. They were sitting side by side and she had just leaned into his hold with her head on his chest and his arms were wrapped fully around her form slightly pulling her towards him. He kept rubbing her back while comforting her "shh shhh kuch nahi hua baba, you're safe. Relax".
"Sidharth..Sidharth..oh my god.. appko..apko nahi pata.. it wasn't a bad dream sidharth. It was what had happened" she spoke between her sobs. His hands stopped right there. He moved away wanting to look at her face.
"Sana? What do you mean? Aur kya hua tha? Didn't you tell me that you threw the money at them, they ran after the money and you started running towards a cab? Wasn't that all?" he was suddenly very scared now. she shook her head, crying silently.
"Fuck. Kya hua tha aur, batao" he was suddenly getting very restless and angry.
" Wo..wo..they basically.. " She spoke softly while rubbing her eye. He removed her hand from her eye & held it in his hand and removed her hair from her face tucking it behind her ears.
"Wo na..when I threw the money at them..they ran towards the money and I started running for a cab..i could spot it at a distance so I kept running towards it..while I was close to the cab..one of those fuckers came from behind and grabbed me from my waist.. trying to pull me back. He..he digged his dirty fingers in my waist pulling me towards him.." she broke down again. Sidharth was losing his mind. His grip on her hand tightened so much that she could feel it and his other hand was tightly closed in a fist and it was so tight that she could change the color changing.
"he kept trying to pull me back towards him and I was constantly screaming and trying to remove his hands and move ahead, I dug my nail in his hand ek dam and he instantly moved his hands back..I ran forward towards the cab and he..he couldn't get a hold of me so he pulled my dupatta and I just ran and got in the cab leaving my dupatta behind" she removed her hand from his and covered her face with her hands and started crying uncontrollably.
"I was so scared Sidharth.. I ..i felt so disgusting so scared..I could feel his fingers on my waist even after I had escaped..I still feel them" she kept speaking between her cries and her voice was muffled because of her hands covering her face. Sidharth wanted to smash their faces. He had never felt so strongly for someone, he had never felt the urge to break the whole world for someone. He wanted to burn their hands just because she was crying like this. He moved towards her and literally pulled her in to his arms, trying to hide her.
"I'm so so so sorry Saana. I'm so sorry sweetheart.. shh shhh bas bas bas my love bas. You're ok, you're so strong sweetheart. Shhh..i'm so sorry." He kept rubbing her back and her head simultaneously and he kept pressing her into himself, it felt that he was trying to calm his heart down more than hers. "I'm so sorry sana," he kept apologizing. "bas bas you're ok now, you're safe" he kept rubbing her back. Sana snuggled into him, her cries were subsiding, her heart was calming down due to his words and his comfort. She could feel that he was equally affected listening to her. She stayed in his arms and he kept uttering apologies to her and kept rubbing her back. It felt so personal, it felt so real so natural to both of them. They couldn't believe that they had just met. After what felt like forever, they moved apart. Sana was okay now but her face was a mess. Her face was covered with dried tears. Her eyes were swollen and red, her cute little nose was also red. Her hair were stuck to her face because of the wetness. He held her face in both his hands, and removed her hair back, he wiped her face clean and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Sana closed her eyes, taking it in.
"I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I am sorry I said that, I didn't mean it that way sana, I may not know you since a long time, but you are special and I cannot ever knowingly put you in any kind of harm. Agar mene wo sab na kaha hota tou shayd tum aisi bewakoofi na karti aur none of this would have happened. But I want you to know that you're so brave sweetheart, the way you fought back, the way you escaped I'm so proud. You are here now and you're safe." He spoke as softly as he could. He was so restless, he didn't know what to do or how to express all of what he felt to her and he just wanted to grab her and hide her in his arms.
Sana kept looking at him, how could this man be so warm. How could he make her feel things nobody ever could. She was beginning to trust him more than herself about her safety. The way he took care of her right from the beginning, the way he would make her understand things and the way he cared, the warmth his touch gave her, it was starting to make her feel so comfortable ans safe around him that her heart knew she'd be okay if he's there.
"Sidharth? Aap kyun itna sorry kar rahay ho? Mai aap se ghussa nahi hoon . It was my stupidity that I didn't ask anyone aur bas mu utha k chali gayi without knowing anything. Aap mujhe kabhi bhi kisi danger main ahi daal sakte, if anything, I know you'll only protect me. Aap ne jo uss din kaha, wo ghalat nahi tha Sidharth. I understand it. You do have a life of your own, and mai yahan kuch karne aayi hoon so of course I have to learn to survive here haina? Agar aap na milte tou bhi tou mai karti na survive so I still have to. I can't keep pestering you with every little thing. Aap ne pehle hi bohat kia hai and abhi bhi my heart is at peace knowing you're here for me and kuch bhi ho I can always come to you. Itna safe agar aap ne na feel karaya hota, tou mai aaj yahan aisay na hoti, trust me. So I know that. Sidharth aoke sath na, ek aisa comfort aur security feel hoti hai k I just know k agar aap mujhe kuch samjha rahay ho tou wo theek hi hai and for me to trust a man I barely know like that, means something to me. So please aap bilkul bura mat feel karo, apki koi ghalti nahi hai. And I'll be fine too. Mene zindagi main a bohat kuch dekha hai, ye tou kuch nahi hai. Par kyunki ye ek nayi jaga hai aur uparse ye sab hua, so it has just traumatized me a little, I'll take some time but I'll be okay. I'll get up stronger" she smiled at him warmly trying to ease his guilt. He smiled back at her and nodded. "I know you will sweetheart, you are very strong. Aur mai hoon tumhare liye yahan". She held his hand in hers and pressed it lightly.
"Kuch khana hai? Are you hungry?" he asked her. He didn't want to talk about any of the earlier conversation right now, she was already vulnerable and exhausted, he just wanted to take it slow for her. She shook her head "Abhin ahi. I'm full. The sandwiches were so good" she smiled sweetly at him. He smiled back. She was such a baby. Her phone rang breaking their moment. She read the name and excused herself moving towards the balcony in the lounge. He stood up and moved towards the fridge fetching a water bottle for himself. He was drinking from the bottle while checking his phone to see what his schedule was when he heard her voice.
Sana was talking to Akshay. Yesterday when she was trying Sidharth's number and it was constantly unreachable, she had decided to call Akshay after a while. She just wanted some comfort and she thought since he is someone she has known all her life and he's also her fiancé, maybe he will comfort her. But when she called him and started talking, she couldn't feel any connect and as the conversation progressed, she could just think of Sidharth, that thought scared her. She shouldn't be thinking of him, especially while talking to Akshay. He tried asking her why she sounded so panicked and so scared and he in his own way was trying to comfort her but that didn't do it for her. It felt very superficial. His tone, his words didn't speak to her soul like his did. She decided to just put the phone down without telling him anything. She didn't have the energy to. So she had ended the call making some excuse.
"Bata na Sanuu kay hua tha kal tujhe, tou bari ajeeb sound kar rahi thi. Tu theek hai wahan, koi problem hai tou mujhe bata" akshay asked.
"Nahi kuch nahi hai Akshay trust me, wo kal mai zara low thi because of the work load and sab naye log hain na yahan so bas zara kaam samajh nahi arah tha aur ghabra gayi tu aisay sound ki par I'm okay. Tu tension mat le." Sana spoke hastily, now that she had poured her heart out in front of Sidharth, she was feeling so light that she now just wanted to end this call.
"ARey wohi tout era shauq than a? Wahan jana job karna apna naam banana ye sab tu hi karna chahti thin a. Hum ne tou ye nahi chaha tha aur tujhe pata hi hai k mai abhi bhi mai din gin raha hoon k bas jaldi se ye sab karay tu ye kuch months guzre aur bas tu yahan ajaye aur phir bas humari shaa.." he ranted without listening to her.
"haan Haan Akshay pata hai mujhe , bas I'm fine okay? Acha listen I'm getting this work call, that I need to take, mai baad mai call karti hoon na tujhe? Han chal bye" she ended the call.
Sidharth was standing outside the balcony listening everything. He found her behavior and tone a bit odd. She seemed like she was in a rush to just put the phone down, it was just like the other day in the car after they were coming back from the bank. It felt odd to him, the two times she had gotten a call from her fiancé in front of him, she seemed very restless. Maybe she was not comfortable enough to talk to him in front of him. What baffled him more was that she apparently didn't tell him what happened with her, and she poured her heart out to him so comfortably. Sana came back inside and gave him a small smile.
"Fiance, han? I'm sure he must have been really worried for you listening to what happened." He said that on purpose. He knew she had lied to him.
"uhhh nahi wo actually, I didn't tell him anything.. asal mai wo door hai na, pareshaan ho jata zada. I didn't want him to worry unnecessarily" she looked away wanting to end the conversation.
"Uhh Sidharth, mai zara apke guest room mai jaa kar shower le loon? I did bring an extra shirt and trouser with me. I just need a shower to freshen up a bit, is that ok?" she asked wanting to change the topic. He understood. She was suddenly so distant and awkward again. He couldn't understand. He nodded . "of course, go ahead". She went inside closing the door. Sidharth sighed. She further proved his point. She didn't want her fiancé to worry for her but because she takes him as someone who she can come to for safety and comfort, she didn't hesitate telling all of it to him and coming to him. He however felt that something was off about her behavior when it came to her fiancé. Every time she spoke to him in front of Sidharth, she didn't look like herself, she got awkward and just wanted to end the conversation. Even now, she sounded so distant with her fiancé and then he noticed how her behavior had suddenly changed with him as well. After all that, he didn't expect her to again get so uncomfortable around him. He thought because of her sudden closeness and comfort with him, she probably got uncomfortable talking to her fiancé and realizing how she was in another man's arms. Probably that made her awkward with Sidharth again. It was too complicated. He wanted to be there for her too but the constant reminder about her engagement was doing something to him. He let it be for now, she had already gone through a lot.