Thikaana

Seventy Nine

They had been lying like that silently for the past fifteen minutes with her fully inside his chest and his hands and fingers constantly rubbing her back. He was so torn, he was still equally mad about everything and everything he allowed but at the same time he was also extremely weak.

God knew, it felt like they were lying down like this in each other's arms without any lurking fear or stress after ages.

He couldn't deny her. She was so weak, his little baby was crying and begging for him, tearing his entire soul apart with her tears. How was he supposed to push her away or resist her? Only if she knew how badly he needed her, more than air, more than anything else in the whole universe but how could he just go back like everything was fine when it was far from fine.

Seeing Sana like this, it had shook him terribly. Nothing was fine. She wasn't okay, he wasn't okay. He couldn't believe this was really them.

This was really what they had become, where life had brought them that even to lie down like this was such a huge deal. It was done so nervously and after so much of thought and so much of pain and so many tears. He couldn't believe it. this was not how it was supposed to be.

This was never how it was between them. Today, even the smallest of touches were such a huge deal for both of them and this realization, the fact that she had to beg and plead and cry so much for just a single hug from him, it broke him completely.

He could feel her snuggling closer and deeper inside his chest, she was trying to get as close as possible and have as much of him as possible. 

"Theek hai?" he finally spoke as softly as he could, almost a whisper.

She just rubbed her nose deeper on his shirt answering him.

"Paani le gi thora sa?" he asked.
"Mhm" she hummed.

She was so shaken up. the fact that she finally got to lie down like this with him, be so close to him, it meant everything and the fact that she couldn't do it since yesterday, it scared her even more.

She was so sensitive right now, after this entire ordeal. So shaken up, so nervous, so quiet all the time. His Sana was lost somewhere deep inside this broken girl.

"Uthe gi?" he asked again.

"Abhi nahi..pl..pleasee" she whispered but with such innocence, it tugged at his heart.

"Okay..shh" he slowly grabbed her fingers which were clutching his shirt between them.

He grabbed them and opened them bringing them up to his lips. He placed soft kisses to the pads of her fingers as softly as he could. A shiver ran through her and she wanted to cry at that.

She was so scared. She gave a small kiss to his chest as her eyes filled up.

Sana was like this child right now who was so tormented and broken and shaken up. she was so scared from and of everything, of losing him, of being away from him, of him being away from her, of everything that she had to endure. So she was like this love deprived child right now, who was not just love deprived, who was deprived of everything that she needed.

His love, his warmth, him. So she was trying to have as much of him and from him as she could but yet her movements her demands and actions weren't that of authority this time. All her actions and demands from him had this nervousness and uncertainty to them.

"S..Sidharth?" she whispered softly.

"Hmm" he hummed, lightly rubbing her fingers with his own.

"Main..pl..please aaj raat ko..aisay sou sakti..hoon? M..Mujhe pata hai..aap..abhi th..theek nahi ho..main bhi nahi hoon..par .. mujhe raat ko..d..darr lagta hai..unki..baatein yaad aati hain...please?" she whispered, stopping and pausing after every word.