Thikaana

Chapter Two

Sana huffed as she dragged the last of her luggage inside the small, yet cozy apartment. The apartment seemed like a small tiny piece of land in this large large city but it was intimate and warm enough for her. She had decided to make it her home away from home but was it really the case? Was her home really back in Punjab? Or would it be here in this small one bedroom apartment in Mumbai? What was home, she wondered. Did some place or someone ever really made her feel that way, she doubted. The apartment was at the center of Juhu, with all the hustle bustle surrounding  her along with the sea, which was just round the corner from where she lived. It was a nice place she thought. She could maybe go sometime later on to see the beach. For now, her priority was to get showered & change in her pajamas, order some pizza and just hit the bed. Tomorrow, since it was a Sunday, she had decided to go to some nearby supermarket and do some grocery for her place as she'll be starting work from Monday.

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Sidharth entered his living room & plopped down on the sofa, exhausted. He had just returned from work & it had been hectic. After catching a moment, bent forward to take off his shoes. He could really use a relaxing shower he thought, running a hand in his hair.
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Sana had just come out of the shower and was settled on her bed when her phone rang. She turned it around to see who it was, only to stop right there. 'Akshay'. She sighed, turned the ringtone off and threw her phone back on the bed. She picked up a pillow and threw it on her face and just closed her eyes.
Two weeks earlier
"Sana puttar dekh, tu jaa tour ahi hai Mumbai zidd kar k, apne sapne poore karne, magar iska ye matlab nahi k tu apni zimidaari ko bhool jaa, samjah rahi hai na?" Her mother had asked. "Pata hia na mere ko Mummy, aap aisay kyun sound kar rahay ho jese mai wahan jatay hi sab bhool jaungi, huh?" She had sighed. Only if, she thought. Only if she could actually escape it all and never come back. But life.
"Dekh sana, Akshay tera mangetar hai, koi aam banda nahi hai wo." 2 saal honay ko hain tumhare rishte ko, aur tu achay se jaanti hai k teri ye job wob hotay hi bas tujhe forum wapis aana hai aur shaadi karwani hai."

Frustrated tears left her eyes as she tried hiding from the world and herself in the pillow. Why did we have to do certain things in life, she thought. She still remembered how her parents, specially her father had rigidly agreed to let her pursue her MBA and then a job for a few months only if she gets engaged to Akshay and then comes back and marry him. She literally had o be g her father to let her go on with the MBA. His only condition was simple. Only if, it was that simple for her. Akshay, she had known him since her childhood. Both their fathers had been the bestest of friends all their lives and then business partners. It was a given right since the beginning that Sana belonged to their house and to Akshay. Sana however, never felt this way. She and Akshay had been good close friends when they were children, but with age and time, they grew apart, or at least she did. Sana had never felt for him that way. As children, she had only took him as a close friend which changed after she grew up. They became distant and awkward and she started taking him as just an acquaintance.
Akshay was a sweet simple Punjabi guy. He was always smitten by Sana. All his life. Plus, there was always a talk and belief going around in his household that he was to marry Sana, which never really let him think otherwise, Sana thought. She had tried stalling the relationship as much as she could all throughout her education period, she would always request her father for some more time before she finishes her degree. Deep down she had always hoped & prayed that the delay would probably make them lose their interest or maybe make her father change his mind? But nah, who was she kidding. Right when she wanted to start her MBA, her father laid down a very clear condition in front of her. He knew, her parents knew what this degree and a job after that meant for her. It was something she had always wanted to do for herself. They made it clear that if she wants to pursue her MBA, she would have to get married to Akshay right away and they would let her continue. She had denied. She cried and begged and made her father understand how she wants to do this for herself, before she becomes someone else's. She wanted to do this as Sana Singh Balveer. After a week long debate and coaxing, her father had agreed but only on the condition of her getting engaged to him right away and marrying him as soon as the degree ends. She had met Akshay, requested him to let her do a job after her MBA and then get married. She had made him understand how important this was to her and how badly she had wanted it, all her life. She had assured him that she had already given her word, and was even ready to get engaged right away. She just wanted these two years for herself, and so she was given those. Akshay had never really been able to understand or read Sana, the way she had wanted to be understood. He was sweet, caring and simple on the surface but she felt that there was no real depth or connect between them. She had told herself that she would go ahead with it. If that is what her fate was, then she would. For now, her priority was her MBA and carving a name for herself. She wanted to gift this to herself before yet again bowing to someone else's decision for her life. The two years during her MBA were okay. She would occasionally meet Akshay, talk to him on the phone, but all of it in a limit. She never over did anything. She had somewhere secretly hoped that maybe seeing the lack of depth, he himself would back off but he never did. For Akshay, this is what their relationship had always been. Right after they grew up, he had known Sana like this only. For him, this is how she and their dynamic was and he was fine with it. For him, he never gave thought to anything more. He thought, they've grown up together and have heard all their lives about marrying one another so it's all good. It is all how it's supposed to be.
Sana had the ability to compartmentalize really well. She would very easily ignore and suppress the fact that she was engaged to a man, who she had to soon return back and get married to. With whom she felt no real connect, she never felt that sense of belonging with him either. She had decided to just take life as it comes.
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