Thikaana

Chapter Ten

It had been two days since Sidharth had left for his flight. Right before he had gone, he had this strange restlessness inside of him. He was used to of this lifestyle since ages, this used to be his high, going away, being up in the clouds, away from the world. This time however, it felt like he was leaving behind something. He couldn't put a finger to it but there was something off, something that was making him jittery. Deep inside, he had an idea but he didn't want to pay too much heed to it. He had to leave in the night. He was all dressed up in his uniform, he was exuding suaveness. He was all set to leave within the next 10 minutes, was just setting his hair in the mirror when a constant thought was eating him up. He eventually let out a loud sigh & picked his phone up.
Sidharth:
Hey sweetheart, I'm leaving in a few minutes. Will be back in 3 days. Just be safe okay? And take care of yourself. Just remember, you're very strong. I'll see you soon!
He couldn't resist the urge to let her know that he will be away & that she needs to take care & be safe. He didn't know how, but suddenly her safety had become very important to him, the image of her all scared & vulnerable tightly clinging to him wasn't leaving his mind & was upsetting his heart. Rest of the things could be dealt with time, but for now, his concern that she is okay behind his back was his main priority. Her reply had soothed him to a great extent & he had left with an assurance that she'll be okay.
Sana:
Han aap araamse jao & fly safe. Mai theek rahungi, aur kuch bewakoofi nahi karungi iss baar. Aap aramse ajao wapis J
****
Sana had been doing much better & her soul was much calmer now that she had dealt with it and because of how he had comforted her, took care of her & made her understand how she needs to  be more careful. Every time something happens, he makes sure to make her understand why she needs to do a certain thing a certain why & it never feels forced or wrong. It never feels that s stranger who she just met is trying to control or dictate her. It always feels like someone who's your own person is just trying to look out for you. She smiled at the feeling. She didn't know much about it, except for the fact that this man was slowly becoming very special for her. His intense gaze, the authority with which he took care of her & ensured her safety, his soft yet definite touches, they felt so personal so right. Initially she was intimidated by his aura, she still was to some extent, but now she had found herself waiting to see him next. She felt happy knowing that he considered it important enough to just drop in a text before leaving.
It was the second day since he had gone and Sana had a terrible day at work today. The assignment she had been working on since the last whole week had just gone down the drain right in front of her eyes. They were basically to design the marketing strategy and some come up with certain ides about a campaign. She had put her heart and soul to it but today when they had presented their ideas, her boss told her this can't be done since a few of those ideas had already been used for another campaign earlier last year. She had tried convincing her boss of how they can make changes to this & still go ahead with it by improvising but her boss was adamant & she didn't budge. This was Sana's first solo assignment since joining so it had meant a great deal for her. What upset her more was the fact that a few of her colleagues who she shared her ideas with while working didn't tell her either that this has been done previously. It seemed like everyone was onto her to see how well she performs In her first solo project just because she was a new recruit. She was heartbroken that evening & due to it being a completely new environment and people with completely different mindsets, it had upset her more. She suddenly felt very out of place. She had thought that she was giving her best but it still seemed something far-fetched & because coming her & working had already meant so much to her & for which she had to go through so much, so it mattered all the more. She was home & in her pajamas lying down just aimlessly scrolling through her phone with a sad pout perpetually there on her face. She so felt like venting it out with someone, someone who could understand & maybe guide her. For the first time until now, she genuinely wanted to talk to him to vent & just for him to listen. She didn't felt the need to contact him due to some problem that had arisen, or something bad that had happened from which she needed him to save her, no. she just wanted to speak her heart out to him like a friend, who would just listen to her & then guide and advise her. She stopped scrolling the phone and just opened his last message to her before leaving. She looked at it sadly for a few seconds before closing the phone and thumping it back on the bed. She just held her pillow in her hand and closed her eyes. She was almost falling asleep when her phone rang after a few minutes, she jumped from excitement thinking it could maybe be him but it was her mom, she sighed answering the call.
"haan Puttar kesi hai meri gudiya, khayal rakh rahi hai na apna?" her mother spoke excitedly.
"Mai theek hoon Mumma sab acha hai, aap kese ho, how's papa & Dada Dadi?" she asked.
"Sab change ne, bas tenu bara yaad karde ne" her mother spoke sadly. Sana sighed, she kind of knew where the conversation was headed. She had lived apart from her family earlier too, but they'd never been this way. "Mumma mai theek hoon, yahan bhi sab acha hai aap sab kyun ho itne udaas, mai konsa yahan ghar basaane aayi hoon, kaam hi k tou liye aayi hoon na, aajaungi wapis kuch time mai" she rolled her eyes irked.
"Haye Haye Rabba Sana, ki boli jaa rahai. Ghar wahan kyun basaye I tu hain? Ghar tou tu ne yahan aa k Akshay k sath basana hai. Aisi baatein na bola kar pagli" her mother said frustrating her all the more.
"Oho kya ho gaya hai Mumma, aisa bhi kuch nahi keh dia mene, chill karo thora" Sana was losing her calm now.
"Acha acha tu naraz na ho. Mai tou bas keh rahi hoon k hum sab tera intezzar ka rahay hain yahan, Akshay uske ghar wala sab log. Taqay tu aaye aur bas jaldi se tum dono ki shaadi ho aur tu khushi khushi uske sath apn.." her mother kept going on without a break, testing her patience to the limit. Today was not at all a good day for any such reminder. She had had it.
"Bas karo mumma. Abhi aaye we time hi kitna hua hai mujhe? Ye karne aayi thi kya mai yahan? K bas boothi dikhaun yahan apni aur kuch kiye kuye bagheir wapis aa kar shaadi akr loon, haina? Relax karo thora. Agar waqt de kar bheja hai tou phir waqt lene bhi tou dou, abhi mahina hua nahi aur aap meri waapsi aur shaadi k khwaab dekh lo. Mere paas aaj kal bohat kaam hai aur mujhe abhi ye sab ki baat nahi akrni. Kar loon gi shaadi bhi aa kar, pehle wo tou kar loon jo yahan karne aayi hoon" Sana's voice rose quite a bit & her voice was getting heavier as she was trying to hold back her tears, it was frustrating as hell.
"Kya ho gaya hai tujhe sana, bas itna hi bol rahi hoon na k honay wala pati hai tera aur kitna chah karte hain wo sab tera, tub hi thora .." her mother was just not getting it .
"Haan pata hai sab aap tension na lo, abhi baad mai karti hoon baat. Abhi kaam hai mujhe, tang na karo" she tried containing her voice & tears. Her mother finally put the phone down & sana almost threw the phone away & fell back on the bed with a thump. She was so frustrated that she almost let out a screech and just muffled her face with her pillow. Hot & angry tears flowed from the side of her eyes & she could feel herself getting hot & red in the face. She was so angry so frustrated. The entire day's built up & then this conversation with her mother was it for her. It had suddenly gotten way too much for her to deal with. "aaahhhhhh. Kyun nahi ho aap yahan Sidharth" she banged her fist on the side table harshly. She just turned to her side & closed her eyes after harshly wiping away the tears. She just wanted to give into the mental exhaustion.
****
The next day was thankfully a holiday and Sana was a lot better but still very low & emotionally drained. Her mood was a lot better since Sidharth was coming back the next day, early in the morning. She had decided to let him rest & spend some time with his mom the whole day & then later in the evening she could cook something & take to his place. She really wanted to see him and be around him just for the sake of it. She loved cooking & this was her way to do something sweet for him without going too out of the way.  She had also called up her mother & had apologized to her but had made sure to completely avoid any conversation about Akshay or the wedding.
Sidharth had landed back early next morning & was pleasantly surprised to receive her message first thing after landing.
Sana
Hiiiii Sidharth, aa gaye aap? Jab ye parho ge tou aa gaye ho ge. Aap ramse sou jana rest karna, apni mom k sath time guzaarna aur phir sham mai agar free ho aur mood hua tou I'll come over with some food ok?
Sidharth chuckled looking at the text. She was such a baby. He knew she wanted to meet him & spend time and hence she already suggested him an entire plan for the day so that he can be available for her in the evening but because she didn't want to sound overbearing, she had added about his mood & availability in the end. How would he put a distance when all he could think of was her & with her so forthcoming, who would stop him. He had understood that she was finally finding comfort in his presence & liked being around him. He did too, but only that he wanted much more.
Sidharth opened the door to his apartment, only to find her standing on the opposite side, but happily & with a wide grin this time. She looked beautiful. She was wearing a light grey Patiala shalwar kameez with a light yellow dupatta on the side. Her hair were straight & open & her face had very minimal makeup giving her a face a light pink & flushed color. Her kameez was tigthtly fitting her body, highlighting her curves. She was so thick and so hot. The moment he opened the door and his eyes met her eyes, they roamed on their own after that. They went down to her face, her beautiful lips, her long neck and then lower. He had to gulp to move his gaze away. She was so special. The sight of her standing there all dressed up & looking so happy, so radiant melted his heart. He wanted to pull her in his arms right away. "Heyyy, ajaa, kesi hai sweetheart?" Sidharth took a hold of his thoughts & pulled her free hand towards himself side hugging her, taking the bag in her other hand away and welcoming her inside. "Mai theeek, aap kese ho? Theek rahi flight, maza aaya? Aake sahi rest kia?" she asked it all while returning his hug bag by extending her arm towards his back. She was so small in his hold, yet they fit so perfectly. He chuckled.
"Haan haan sab acha raha, theek se ho gaya. Aur mazay konse? Mai wahan kaam karne jata hoon ya mazay?" he looked down at her comically, trying to pull her leg.
" She looked up at his face & gasped realizing he was joking. "Haye dono hi karne chahiye, uss mai kya hai." She said seriously. he smiled and led her inside.
"Ye batao, aaj kya laayi hai bana k? And sweetheart, why do you even take so much pains? Tu wese bhi ajati tou I would have liked it. Ye khana wana bana k kyun laati hai?" he looked at her keeping the heavy bag with food on the kitchen counter. She rolled her eyes & moved towards him. He too came out of the kitchen and stood in front of her. "Kyun? Mera khana kya acha nahi lagta? Ganda taste karta hai kya?" she asked him accusingly with her hands on her waist. He laughed and pulled her cheeks, "You're very cute". She inhaled slightly & her cheeks heated up the slightest bit. She smiled back at him showing her bunny teeth to him, he was so smitten by her. "Wo tou main hoon, the cutest" she said proudly. He smiled so warmly & widely. "True, I agree".
"Chalo chalo ab baatein waatein baad mai, let me go and warm up the food a little before serving. Shaam ka bana dia tha na, thanda hoga. Mai bas abhi kar deti hoon" she smiled at him and removed her dupatta from her shoulder, putting it in her neck and tying the ends from behind. He couldn't look away. That sight seemed so hot to him, the way she did it so comfortably, it dried up his throat. She moved towards the kitchen taking the food out. He just went to the side and stood next to the wall with one side leaning against it. He was wearing a white T shirt & blue jeans with his hair nicely set at the back and his face had a slight stubble. He looked extremely rugged. He wanted to just take her in, the vision of her roaming & working so seamlessly in his kitchen was so soothing to his eyes.
"Aaj kya bana k laayi hai wese?" he asked her as she was just taking and opening the boxes. There were two of them.
"Aaj mai laayi hoon, daal makhni aur bhindi ki sabzi" she looked at him briefly smiling.
"Wow. Fuck, it smells amazing" he said as soon as the lids opened. She smiled at him excitedly.
"It does? Haye I hope dono cheezain achi bani ho aur aap ko pasand aaye" she said while pouring them in cooking pots and keeping the pots on the stove.
"Arey chill karo sweetheart, I'm sure it's going to be amazing" he stated.
He was quietly standing there observing her. She was engrossed in working but her face had a lost look. He felt as if she was in some deep thought or as if she looked a little low.
"How's work? Enjoying"? he asked her. She suddenly looked up, her face falling. His brows furrowed. "uhh haan sab theek hai, work ki baat karenge par abhi nahi, khane k baad okay?" she brushed him off. He knew instantly. She was bothered by something at work. He just nodded & let her be for now. She poured the daal and gave the bowl to him & asked him to keep it on the table while she heated the sabzi. The daal did actually smell heavenly & Sidharth couldn't wait to dig in. A thought instantly crossed his mind & irked him. He kept the bowl on the table & turned walking towards her.
"Wese, I was thinking.." he spoke, she looked up nodding at him "Akshay ki tou Mauj hi ho jayegi" he continued, but with small pauses, as if trying to gauge her reaction. She instantly stopped stirring the spoon & looked up at him, her expression hardening. He saw but decided to continue .. " Bhai obviously, ladkiyan tou bhaagti hain kitchen se aur ek uski biwi hogi jis.."  "STOP SIDHARTH" She shouted interrupting him. He instantly stopped & looked at her, shocked. She was standing there with the spoon still in her hand & her hand in the middle of the air. Her face was red & tears were brimming her eyes. She had literally shouted at him. He was actually taken aback. "PLEASE STOP IT SIDHARTH. Mat kaho ye sab Please, mat kaho" her voice actually cracked towards the end, he was shocked. She kept her hand down on the counter with the spoon still in it & let her tears flow. "Mai..mai ye sab nahi sunna chahti, koi ye kyun nahi samajhta? Mujhe nahi karni ye baat aur na sunni hai. Har time bas yahi baat. Sabko kya yahi topic milta hai mujhse baat karne ko? Aur aap ne kyun ki han? Aap jaante bhi ho kya usey? Lekin nahi, aap ko bhi yahi topic mila na..koi kyun nahi samajhta" she gave in to her frustration and actually started crying. Sidharth was dumbfounded. He stood there looking at her blankly. He hadn't expected a reaction like that. Her hand with the spoon was on the counter tightly gripping the spoon for support & she tried covering her face with the other hand. She stood there crying in front of his eyes, looking so vulnerable, so done. He didn't know what to do or say.
"Kisi ko pata hai nahi, aapko tou bilkul nahi, lekin topic sab ko Akshay ka milta hai na? Aur Kya Sana mai kuch interesting nahi hai? Aur kya Sana se koi baat nahi ki jaa sakti siwaaye iske? Ya bas sab ko meri shakal dekhte hi wo yaad ajata hai?" she looked at him crying, trying to shout but her voice cracking too much. He slowly moved towards her. She kept looking at him angrily, her tears not stopping. "Okay shhh, relax.. I'm sorry" he almost whispered while walking towards her.
"Nahi Sidharth, koi.. kyun nahi samajhta k mujhe nahi karni ye baat har time. Break chahiye mujhe .. lekin nahi sabko tou bas yahi bolna hai" her voice kept breaking. She looked so defeated. His heart hurt. "Okay..okay, relax relax. I'm really sorry, stop crying sweetheart, I'm sorry ok?" he spoke softly bringing his hand towards the spoon, taking that out of her hand and keeping it on the counter & then softly pulling her shoulders towards himself and softly putting her head on his chest, lightly rubbing her head. The moment her head touched his chest, she visibly calmed down & her cries slowed down but she was still crying silently. He kept rubbing her head lightly, still quiet. He didn't know what else to ask or say. Her reaction had really caught him off guard. She again lifted her head from his chest & looked up at him. her face again seemed angrier & he could see a fresh set of tears was pooling her eyes.
"Baat sorry kin nahi hai Sidharth, bas mujhe mere haal pe kyun nah ichor sakte sab? Mujhe nahi sunna Akshay ka naam har time" she again got a little louder, shocking him. That was the last thing he had expected her to say. He kept looking at her face.
"Sidharth aap kuch nahi jaante..har cheez jesi dikhti hai, zaroori nahi hai wesi hi ho, samjhe aap? Just cause wo mera fiancé hai iska matlab ye nahi k mai uske pyaar mai pagal hoon aur har time uska naam sun ke mere mann mai ladoo phoote ge, ok? Aap..aapko kuch nahi pata..he's not my.." her voice was constantly breaking, not letting her complete a full sentence normally.
"hey hey hey...shhh shhh I'm sorry sweetheart, okay calm down. Please stop crying. I'm sorry, please" he isnatntly pulled her to himself and put her head back on his chest & started rubbing her back while whispering apologies to her. Sidharth was shocked beyond words, what was she about to say? She wasn't in love with him? Was she in an unhappy relationship? He kept rubbing her back for a few minutes. When he noticed that she had calmed down a bit, he spoke softly,
"Sana, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.. I didn't know.. I thought you.." "Sidharth?" she whispered softly from his chest, still in his hold. "Hmm"?
"Can we..can we please talk of this some other time? Abhi mere andar bilkul himmat nahi hai. Please?" she asked him in such a soft voice, he wanted to crush her to himself. He looked down at her and softly cupped her cheek pulling her face out.
"of course sweetheart, of course. We don't have to talk of anything, not now not ever. We'll talk only when you want to, okay? Relax" he looked in to her eyes assuring her. She looked back into his eyes, trying to convey something. She slowly nodded at him. "Come" he took her towards the sofa & made her sit. He went inside to fetch her a glass of water, her throat was scratched from the crying & the shouting. She kept sitting there looking down on the floor. He saw her from the kitchen, she seemed so broken..so exhausted. He had never in his wildest dreams thought something like this. His instincts had told him that something was definitely off, but he couldn't have thought.
"Here, drink this and relax" he spoke softly handing her the glass. She took it & instantly gulped down the water. He sat next to her, really close. He just kept looking at her beautiful face which seemed so drained right now. her hair were stuck to her cheeks, her nose was slightly red from all the crying & her eyes seemed puffy. Her gaze was stuck on the floor while the rim of the glass was on her lips, gulping down the water, but her sips had slowed down. He could hear her breathing. He lifted his hand and softly tucked her hair behind her ears. She instantly flinched, not expecting his touch. She didn't move, she kept the glass stuck to her lips & he could see her eyes filling up again.
"Oye, shhh kya hogaya hai bacha? Come here" he softly took the glass out of her hand, keeping it on the table and turned her towards himself. She too could hear his heartbeat, they were so close that if they moved a few centimetres, their chests could touch. He kept staring into her tear filled eyes, he softly shook his head towards her lifting his thumb and wiping the tears from the corner of her eyes. Her eyes automatically closed and a few tears fell out, tainting her cheeks. She opened up her eyes still looking at him. "Why are you crying so much, hmm? Pagal hai?" he whispered. His energies were drowning being so close to her, his head was getting light. He wanted to hold her in his arms & comfort her. He used all his fingers to softly wipe her cheeks and wiped her face clean, setting her hair. She just kept looking at him.
"Sidharth, nahi hota kabhi kabhi mujhse..dil bohat bhaari lagta hai..dil karta hai sab chor k kahin bhaag jao..iss sab se bohat door.. I can't" her voice was beginning to crack again. His heart broke for this baby. "Shhh, bas. Ab nahi" he cupped her cheeks in both his hands firmly and looked into her eyes letting her know that he doesn't want to see her tears now, it was enough. He kept looking at her face & her eyes for a few seconds & she did too. Her eyes had so many questions in them, they had exhaustion. He pulled her face towards him while still cupping it and when her face was close enough he slowly bent towards her face, removing one of his hand from one cheek.  He didn't once look away, he kept staring at her face while the other hand kept cupping her cheek.. She closed her eyes and he slowly pressed his lips at the corner of her chin, just right on her jaw. Sana shuddered as soon as his rough lips touched her skin, it was a feeling she hadn't yet felt. She actually felt like a shiver ran up her spine. She inhaled sharply. She instantly grabbed his hand that was holding her cheek. He stayed like that, pressing his lips harder on her skin. She kept her eyes closed. He finally removed his lips & lifted his face to look at her.
"Sana, look at me" his voice was so raspy. She shuddered again & slowly opened up her eyes. He wanted to ensure, she wasn't angry or uncomfortable. He just wanted to comfort her in his own way, he wanted to. "Are you..did i?"
"No" she whispered. She looked at him.
Sidharth's lips curved the slightest bit.
"Good. You're so special, so precious. Don't cry, please. I don't like it" his hand that was still holding her cheek, rubbed it lightly. She smiled and nodded. She removed his hand & held it, wrapping both her hands around his. She softly leaned her head on his bicep "Thank you" she barely whispered.
"Chal, ab khanay ki tou maa behan ho hi gai hai. Thanda hi kha lete hain, I'm famished." He said seriously, bringing a smile to her beautiful face. She lifted her head looking at him and smiled wider.
"CHalo" she said. The rest of the evening went by much calmer, and felt much more intimate. They kept eating & kept talking about everything they could think of, food, Mumbai, the places here, random childhood stories. None of them addressed what had happened earlier. Not Akshay, & definitely not the kiss. She could however still constantly feel his lips on her skin, causing goosebumps to erupt on her skin every now & then. He seemed so intense & serious. He didn't bring it up but he knew she was slightly shaken from the kiss but he didn't regret it. He felt that he had to & so he did. They however felt so much more comfortable. Sana seemed so relaxed around him much to his surprise. He had decided to not make her any more awkward or uncomfortable. She had already been through quite a lot tonight. He just wanted her to be relaxed. Sidharth had drove her back to her apartment. The drive was silent but the silent was so special & so comforting. Sana was still in a daze though. She needed to process the entire evening. They sat quietly, in the car when he spoke turning towards her, "Sana, khayal rakho. You're someone who I really care for, you're very special, and seeing you cry is not a pleasant feeling for me, so take care, okay?' he spoke and instantly moved towards her, she was still in a daze when he grabbed her face & pressed a sweet kiss to her forehead. Sana wanted to melt into his arms. She smiled at him & removed his hands from her face, holding them and tightly pressing them.
"Aap na..aap bas aap bohat achay ho Sidharth. Thank you for being you." She would start crying again if she talked further so she just let it be. He smiled warmly at her & she got out of the car walking inside. He smiled looking at her retreating figure, and for the first time after knowing her, he didn't drive away upset. The smile didn't leave his face.