Thikaana

Seventy Eight

It had been two hours but he was still wide awake. He just couldn't fall asleep. He was still lying down straight, he was still as further away from her as he could be nut he just couldn't sleep. In fact the reason he couldn't sleep was maybe the fact that she wasn't in his arms. One of his hand was resting on his torso and the other one was resting behind his head. He would close his eyes, try to sleep but then he would open them up and start thinking. He was turning his head and looking at her after every two minutes, ensuring she was okay and she was sleeping okay. She seemed so weak and so pale. He couldn't believe this was his Sana. He also couldn't believe that they were here. As in at a point where they were finally together, back together, after defeating everything and yet so far away from one another.

It wasn't really a fight but he didn't know what it was. The air around them was just so tense and just so sad. He wanted to be away because he wanted to punish himself, he wanted to not give himself that relief and peace of having her in his arms.

He was also angry at himself and so he didn't know how he would look at her in the eyes and see what she went through all alone. She too was different. She was scared,. constantly requesting and apologizing for little things.

He didn't like it, not one bit and he also didn't like how he rose his voice at her earlier when she was apologizing for almost passing out. But what could he do? He couldn't stand her apologizing or requesting for such small things to them. They were her people.

This was her home. She didn't have to request or plead or apologize but he also knew where she was coming from.

This is what was different. She was so much more closed off, nervous, constantly scared and shaken up. he knew his own behavior after she woke up was also what was stressing her more. He could see it in her eyes.

He could see how desperately she wanted him, she wanted him to be okay with her and comfort her but he too was tied. He just couldn't be okay knowing everything that had happened and everything that he allowed to happen. Looking at her, looking in her eyes, then her cries, it was all too much for him.

They were all a reminder of what his little baby endured, all for him. so now, in the darkness and silence of the room, he was finally letting himself free and doing what he couldn't otherwise. He was constantly caressing her hair every time he looked at her and then he would lift himself up, bend over her face and see if she was breathing okay, sleeping properly.

He wanted to kiss her, hold her, comfort her so bad but he wanted to deprive himself of her warmth, of that relief. She slowly stirred in her sleep after a few minutes and he was suddenly alert. He quickly moved closer and lifted off the pillow and went closer to her face.

"Sana" he murmured her name as slowly as he could. He didn't want to disturb her sleep.
She seemed restless and she started to move slightly.

"Shhhh you're okay. Sleep" he whispered softly, calming her down instantly. He was slowly patting her head and she relaxed.

He kept looking at her. He wanted to fill her up with so much love, that there's no place for the pain and trauma. He kept patting her head slowly for another few minutes and when he was sure she had slept again, he slowly removed his fingers from her hair and got up. He had to get away.

He grabbed his cigarettes and slowly walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. He slid the balcony door and walked out, the house, the whole area was so quiet. It was middle of the night and the only sound he could heat=r was of the waves crashing with each other. He sighed loudly and lit up a cigarette, holding it between his fingers after taking in a long.

His hands were resting on the railing and his eyes were squinted as he smoked, lost deep in thought. His Sana was back home, it still felt unbelievable. His mind went back to the past few days and everything that had happened in them.