Thikaana

Chapter Twenty One

They sat quietly in the car waiting for the ice cream to come. Sana could see that he was agitated and seemed restless. One of his hands was constantly tapping on the steering & his leg constantly shook. He was looking outside the window but she could see the anger on his face, it scared her. Though they had kissed very passionately before leaving the house but after the kiss, Sidharth had been very silent. She could feel his anger even in the kiss. he seemed restless as if trying to mark her as his. It was eating her up. Sana had been talking every now & then about random things but his responses were just limited to hmms and nods.
"Sidhaarth, baat karo na" she finally spoke again, not being able to take it.
"Kya baat" he snapped back still not looking at her. She grabbed his other hand that was on his thigh and entwined it with her own hand pressing soft kisses to it. he finally looked towards her & sighed.
"Aap ghussa ho?" she asked him softly, still holding his hand close to her lips.
"Nahi hoon mai ghussa Sana. Why would I be angry, I have no right to be angry. Main hoon hi kon" he scoffed trying to pull his hand away from her grip. She tightened her hold and brought his hand to her chest.
"Aisa kyun bol rahay ho, aap ko pata bhi hai kya ho aap mere liye? Aur har guzarte din k sath kya bante jaa rahay ho. I wish I could explain it to you" she whispered in a small voice, her voice almost breaking.
"Kya faida uss sab ka. It's still not enough to convince you, isn't it so?" he scoffed looking to the other side. Her grip loosened on his hand and he instantly looked to her side. Her face was down staring at her lap and her grip on his hand was lose, he immediately pulled his hand away, looking to the other side. She sat their silently, not having an answer for him, her eyes slowly filling up. Before she could say something, their order arrived breaking their silence. Sidharth handed her ice cream to her & paid the guy, shooing him off. Sana sat there silently holding the cup in her lap. He tried taking a bite of his own but didn't feel like. He muttered a silent 'Fuck" and kept the ice cream on the console, starting the car. she gasped looking at it.
"Arey Sidharth kahan jaa rahay ho? Ice cream tou kha lo pehle" she tried grabbing his arm, feeling terrible. His nostrils were flaring.
"Just let it be Sana. Nahi khana mujhe. Tum khao" he snapped back. She fell silent at his tone, she halfheartedly took a small bite of the melting ice cream and instantly felt like throwing it out. The excitement for it had all gone down the drain now. His own ice cream was kept at the console and she could see it was melting. His tight grip on the steering and his clenched jaw was enough of a warning for her. She too looked outside the window and her hand unconsciously kept playing with the ice cream spoon melting it further.
"Khao, pighal rahi hai" his stern tone brought her back. She instantly looked at him, he was still looking straight.
"S..sidharth, aap bhi tou kh.." she mumbled.
"Just eat your ice cream Sana" he stopped her midway. His mind was running wild and he knew that he was being harsh with her but he didn't care. She couldn't keep doing this to them. She had to see what she was putting him through. She silently took small bites of the now melted ice cream. Her heart felt as if someone had suddenly caged it inside, suffocating her. Silence with him always felt comfortable and soothing but today it felt scary. She kept stealing small glances at him throughout the ride but he didn't budge. Neither did he talk to her again nor did he look at her. Sana had eventually given up after a few bites and just closed her eyes leaning on the seat. He finally looked at het while her eyes were closed. His eyes scanned her face moving down to her hands which still held the spoon. He knew she hadn't finished it. He didn't like the fact that her entire excitement died down because of his behavior but he couldn't help it either. It is what it is he thought, sighing. The car stopped down after a few more minutes and she finally opened her eyes. they were outside her building. She looked at him expectantly but he still looked straight. Her eyes filled up seeing his indifference. She put the cup on the dashboard and turned towards him pulling at his arm like a baby. He resisted the urge to hold her in his arms and not let go.
"Idhar dekho" she mumbled sadly pulling his chin towards her. He reluctantly gave in and looked at her. Her beautiful face was sullen now. she picked up his ice cream from the console and held the spoon to his lips lovingly.
"Kha nahi sakte, par pi tou sakte ho na" she tried to lighten up his mood, indicating at the melted ice cream. Her tone and her efforts to cheer him up were agitating him all the more. He didn't realize when he just pushed at her hand held to his lips lightly, spilling some of the ice cream on her lap and the car seat. She gasped but didn't say anything. She wanted to cry but she held it in. he didn't intend to do that or hurt her, but his anger was just getting the better of him. he ran a frustrated hand through his hair and bent forward to grab the tissue but she grabbed it first. He closed his hand lightly banging it on the steering, looking away. She flinched at the sound and just silently wiped her dress and the seat. She then looked at him not wanting to leave him like that. She moved closer to him above the gears and again pulled at his face turning it to her side. He was about to protest when she lovingly caressed his cheek and finally looked in to his troubled eyes. He seemed angry, hurt, and maybe scared? She slowly came forward and pressed her lips just next to his lips. He inhaled sharply, tightening his hold on the steering. She looked at him briefly and was about to press her lips to his when he pushed her back. He didn't push her with a lot of force but because he was so much more stronger than her, she almost fell back to the seat. Her eyes filled up with tears, not because of the push but because of how indifferent and distant he was being. His anger did not scare her, not once.
"Sidharth" her voice cracked, she again tried coming closer.
"Just leave" he ran his fingers in his hair pushing them back. She instantly wiped her eyes and bent to collect her bag. She wouldn't let him leave like this.
"Kal aao ge na Sidharth?" she asked again trying to sound normal.
"Nahi" he responded back like a grumpy kid. She almost smiled at his answer.
"Aana tou paray gaa. Parso jaa rahay ho na itne din k liye. Acha batao kal kya banaun apke liye?" she smiled a little.
"Sana, just leave dammit. Nahi aana mujhe kal" he snapped back rudely.
"Aao ge aap bas. Agar nahi aaye tou yaad rakhna mai bhi kal khana khaye bina sou jaungi aur phir meri tabiat kharab hogi. Periods bhi chal rahay hain mere." She spoke stubbornly, getting out. He almost gasped at her blackmailing.
"What the hell Sana" he shouted seeing her get off the car giggling.
"Sana listen"
"Mai nahi aaunga"
She just ran inside the building making him pull his hair. He banged the steering loudly.
"BC. Pagal karde gi ye ladki mujhe" he rubbed his chin harshly. He finally reversed his car back.
Sana entered her apartment giggling but it soon died down when the intensity of everything hit her. She played the whole of yesterday in front of her eyes and it felt like various parts of her body were being tingled by sparks. The way he took care of her, the way he made her feel, the way he made it all so easy to discuss with him so openly so comfortably.
"Haaye Rabba jiiii Ki ho raya hai. Mene Sidharth k..mene uske kapray pehne, I slept in HIS bed, WITH HIM, IN HIS ARMS. Fuck. He..he touched me. He did so much" she was almost panting, feeling her cheeks heat up.
"Kya karu mai Baba ji, marr rahi hoon har pal. Usko aisay nahi dekh sakti. Apko pata hai na, uska ghussa bhi nahi darata ab mujhe kyunki jaanti hoon kyun hai wo ghussa. Uski koi ghalti nahi hai na Babaji. Mai kya karu? Aisa lag raha hai sab ko dhoka de rahi hoon mai" she teared up, letting her tears finally flow down.
Ye sab nahi socha tha kabhi. Par Sidharth k sath? Sab sahi lagta hai babaji. Sab apna lagta hai, wo..wo apna lagta hai" she cried.

****
The next morning, she tried immersing herself in work throughout the day so that she can keep her mind off things. She was also pretty nervous thinking about the evening. She didn't know if he would come or not, but she knew he would. His concern for her left his anger way behind, she smiled at the thought. She felt confident that he would come and she had made up her mind to not let him leave for so many days angry. She would make it up to him. she wrapped up her work and when it was finally time to go home, she breathed nervously. She checked her phone for the umpteenth time to see if there was anything from him, but still nothing. She sighed sadly at that but she didn't let her hope die. He had to come. Sana returned back home and she was a girl on a mission. She tied up her hair in a bun and went straight to the kitchen to cook something nice for him. he had to travel early next morning and he didn't like eating heavy before travelling so she decided to make something simple. She decided to cook some Daal Makhni with rotis and some rice. Once she was done with the cooking, she looked at the time and decided to take a shower and wear something nice. Her heart was constantly racing with all the apprehensions. Sana wore a beautiful but simple light grey kurta with polka dots on it with a lose white trouser underneath. She let her straight hair open and put on just the lightest of pink lip gloss. She still looked gorgeous.