Thikaana

Thirty Five

They sat on the kitchen stools & enjoyed their quiet breakfast. Sidharth was feeding her bites every now & then. He was so in love with her. He felt like he would drown in it. and she? Well, she was no less. She couldn't stop touching him. She would bend forward and place a kiss to his cheek every now and then or would suddenly bend & place a kiss to his hand and gave her beautiful sparkly smile to him, completely unarming him.
"Aaj kya karna chahti hai? You wanna go down to the beach?" he asked her with his mouth full with food. Sana clicked her tongue at him and wiped the little bit of toast that was stuck to the corner of his lip and spoke
"Araamse khao na goluu. Itna ghusse se kyun khatay ho?" she giggled at him. He just rolled his eyes at her.
"Aur nahiii. Aaj mene kahin nahi jana bas ghar pe rehna hai aapke sath. Bas sham ko we'll go to Aunty's" she spoke excitedly & he smiled at her, nodding.
They were done with breakfast & she got up and started collecting their plates to take them back in the kitchen while he was still finishing up his tea. He noticed how quiet she had gone & had that glumness on her face. He frowned. He kept observing her silently without saying anything. She picked everything up & went towards the kitchen. He wanted her to speak up on her own. He was still understanding her and there was still so much that was between them and that needed to be sorted once & for all. So he really didn't want to pound her with questions or confrontations. He wanted her to have that comfort with him where she could come up & speak her mind. He wanted her to have that assurance with him. she returned back looking the same way and as much as it was bothering him, he wanted her to have her space and speak up on her own. He didn't want her to tell him something just because he asked, he wanted her to own him in that way where she just could come & say whatever she had to. She came to him and quietly extended her hand towards his mug, looking down. He didn't give her the mug & just kept looking at her face in return. When she didn't get the mug for a few seconds she finally looked up at his face & his intense stare unnerved her a little. She again silently extended her hand towards the mug, he put it to his lips and finished up the last sip that was left and then slowly extended the mug towards her. She pulled it but Sidharth had a tighter grip so she frowned.
"Kya? Do na?"
"Kyun?"
"Kyun matlab kya? Khaali hai tou do mai rakhungi jaa kar" she sounded a bit irritated. Something was definitely bothering her but he desperately wanted her to open up herself this time. He finally loosened his grip on the mug & she pulled it.
"Sana? Ek aur chaye milegi?" he asked her when she turned to leave.
"Hmm. Abhi bana deti hoon" she answered quietly and went back. He sat there quietly observing her. She was constantly biting her lip and her expressions seemed restless. Sidharth couldn't understand anything since she was perfectly fine when they were eating. She had gone slightly quiet after he asked her if she wanted to go out somewhere. He frowned not understanding if he had asked or said anything wrong. A minute later she returned back with a piping hot mug of tea and silently gave it to him. He took it from her and kept it on the table. Sana turned around to go somewhere again when he held her wrist and asked her
"Kahan jaa rahi hai Baby?"
"Bartan dhone. Aati hoon abhi." She tried freeing her wrist. Sidharth was really on the verge to pull her in his arms & ask her what was wrong but he really wanted her to open up this time and so he reluctantly left her wrist 
"Chor na meri jaan. Baad mai dho lenge. Abhi beth na yahan" he insisted.
"Bas teen hi tou plates hain, abhi aati hoon dho k. Aap chaye piyo na araam se" she answered back plainly and went in the kitchen. Sidharth sighed and sipped his tea. He picked his phone up to get back to a few emails. A few minutes passed by & he was constantly lifting his face up to check up on her. She was still in the kitchen cleaning & sorting everything out. He could tell she was trying to distract herself from something and maybe keep herself away from him? But why? He was really beginning to get annoyed now. Some more time passed by & just when his patience was on the brink of ending, he felt her come stand in front of him. He instantly looked up and there she was. Her eyes were slightly filled up & she was just staring at his face intently.
"Sana?" he frowned. She moved a bit closer, almost in  between his legs and kept both her hands just above his knees.
"Sidharth, agar mai kuch kahun tou aap mujhe ghakat tou nahi samjho gen a?" she asked in a small child like voice. His frown deepened and he finally kept his phone away and held her hands in his. He was really starting to get worried now.
"Nahi meri jaan. Kyun what's up?" he asked her in a low assuring voice. She sniffled her tears in and sucked her lower lip inside her mouth like a baby. He wanted to melt into her. He kept looking at her face assuringly with his warm eyes, trying to convey to her that whatever it was, he was there with her.
"I know apko apna kaam bohat pasand hai. I know you love it & it's your passion. Trust me, I love it too. I find it so fascinating and so so cool. You are so cool" she spoke in a childlike voice, baring her heart to him.
Sidharth was absolutely clueless. He had no idea where this was going so he just slightly nodded at her encouraging her to go on. He started rubbing the top of her hands slowly to comfort her.
"Par na.." she pouted moving closer to him.
"Par kya Sana"
"Iss baar mujhe aapka jana bilkul acha nahi lag raha. Bilkul bhi nahi Sidharth. Mat jao na iss flight pe. Mai kya karun mujhe ye kehte huay bhi acha nahi lag raha I know it's your work but mai apko kitna sara miss akrungi, uska kya" she finally let it all out sniffling in the end. His heart sank deep inside his stomach and also broke. That is why she was so wuiet all of a sudden? He remembered how she had reacted upon his flight last night in the car and his heart just missed a few beats. The way she was staring at him with her glassy eyes and wet pouty red lips, it pulled at his heart and he wanted nothing more than to crush this girl to himself. He was just staring at her blankly, lost in what she had just said.
"Sidhaarth" she tugged at his hands.
"Ghussa ho?" she asked. He silently pulled her hands and hugged her to his chest.
"Idhar aah, mera baby" he spoke in her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her back. She sighed and hugged him tighter. She pressed her cheek on his shoulder and spoke
"Jatay tou aap hamesha hi ho na? par pata nahi iss baar mujhe zada dukhi ho raha hai. Mai aapko rok nahi rahi Janay se, I know you have to..." she stopped in the middle. He sighed hugging her tighter.
"Sana.." he felt so helpless. God knew how much he wanted to just be there with her & not leave her for even a second but it was work & he couldn't just miss his flights like that. He at worked extremely hard to be where he was today & at his seniority, he couldn't miss flights like that at the last minute. She sighed and spoke
"Koi naa. Mai samajhti hoon. Kaha na, rok nahi rahi. I know you have to. Bas aapko apne dil ki baat bata rahi hoon k miss karungi bohat aur nahi chahti k aap jao par ye bhi samajhti hoon k kaam hai aur jana zaroori hai" she vented. He smiled slightly and rubbed her back.
"mera smart baby hai tu" he placed a kiss to her shoulder and she finally loosened her arms around him and moved back. He cupped her face and wiped her tears from the corners of her eyes and tucked her hair back.
"Come here" he pulled her closer and kissed her lips softly. She closed her eyes and sighed in his mouth as he plunged his tongue inside her mouth trying to convey to her how he felt about leaving. He sucked her lips in his softly and kissed them one last time before pulling away. He then placed a small kiss to her forehead and spoke
"You're so precious meri jaan. I don't wanna go either, par I'll have to. I'm sorry" he spoke regretfully. She gasped.
"Haye Rabba sorry kyun bol rahay ho pagal ho? Mai jaanti hoon na k kaam hai. Mai koi naraz thori hoon? Budhuuu" she held his face in her hands and pressed it tightly pressing her nose to his. He bent and pecked her lips.
"I know. But still" he spoke.
"Tu raat se issi baat pe upset hai na? Gari mai bhi issi liye chup ho gayi thi kal" he spoke with his hands still circling her waist and holding her close. She nodded at him wrapping her hands around his neck.