Thikaana

Thirty

The last two days and passing them had been no less than a torture for Sana. The realization that he was returning back soon, it was messing her up in more ways than one. The thought of him returning back, but the fear of not being able to see him, or him not willing to see her face, it was destroying her bit by bit. she couldn't really put in words what this man did to her or meant for her, but all she knew was that not just her heart but her soul too craved for him. She needed Sidharth like you need a fresh breath of air after being stuck in a closed room for hours. That's what meeting Sidharth was like for her. He gave her all those things she had craved for, desired for but never really waited for. Sidharth was everything that nobody else was to her. Sidharth was Sidharth to her. It was something you couldn't explain in words, and it was something that nobody else would understand. So the thought that if he turns his face away from her and refuses to give her a chance, it was literally biting on her chest and not letting her breathe properly.

There was still a day left before he was to return back. Sana had decided to spend the whole day occupied in her office and then come back home, cook something nice for him, if she gets a chance to see him that is, and just wait for him to come. The last few days had been so fast paced and so much had been happening, that she really felt like she was losing her mind. Her mind literally felt like a mess. She wanted some relaxed time before he returned back. She kind of wanted to think through things and reflect back at everything that was happening, and that had happened. She wanted to regain some strength and that energy back before she was ready to face him again. She couldn't wait to.

Sana had a good and productive day at work and she returned back home by early evening. She took a  nice warm shower and changed in to a set of cute pajamas and laid down on the sofa in her lounge literally closing her eyes and thinking about and replaying everything he had said to her on the phone from Milan that night, and also the entire interaction they had a day before at his mother's place. The way his eyes darkened seeing the spot on her neck, the spot that he had marked. The way he let her see his vulnerable self for those few minutes, the softness in his eyes and in his voice, it was playing with her heart. She wanted to just hold him tightly and just hide in his arms and not let go. Sidharth awakened such strong desires in her that sometimes she would feel, that the urge and intensity with which she felt for him, she would explode if she didn't take that affection out on him. He was that to her. She picked her phone up and placed a sweet kiss to his name on her phone putting it down and hugging the cushion to her chest closely. She was randomly surfing through channels on the television when a thought struck her. She picked her phone up and sat up dialing a number. She lowered the volume of the TV biting on her lower lip slowly.
"Hello, kesi hai beta?" His mother greeted Sana warmly from the other end. An automatic smile came to her lips hearing that.
"Hello, Namaste aunty. Mai tou theek, aap batao, aap kese ho? Aapki tabiat kesi hai?" Sana asked her sweetly, genuinely developing a comfort with her. She already loved this woman.

"Haan bache, mai bhi bilkul theek hoon. Sab acha hai" she spoke warmly.
"Tu bata, aagayi office se, sab kesa chal raha hai?"
"Jee agayi abhi kuch dair pehle hi. Sab theek.." sana answered slowly, not knowing what to say next.
"Aur, kal k kya plans hain phir?" his mother sighed, completely understanding her plight. Sana's eyes widened and she gasped.
"Uhh, k.kal k? Mere kya plans?" she blabbered, her cheeks heating up the slightest bit. His mother chuckled softly.
"Arey sab pata hai mujhe. Kal araha hai na wo wapis. I know you want to meet him bache. Aur uss mai koi buri baat nahi hai" his mother spoke calmly, as if speaking to Sana's soul. Sana instantly relaxed a little bit hearing that. She was somewhat looking for that encouragement and assurance. She again bit on her lip, moving her eyes around.
"Aunty, wo..mai na asal mai.. I really miss him" her voice cracked the slightest bit but she held her composure. His mother sighed softly.
"I know mera beta. I know you do. Ghussa hai na wo abhi? Par beta mene tujhe bola hai na k aise dil chota nahi karna, hmm? Sab theek hoga bache. You just need to give yourself and him some time. Par iska ye matlab nahi hai k you can't talk to him or meet him meanwhile. I know tujhe uski yaad arahi hai, par trust me Sana, usko bhi bohat arahi hai. Even if he doesn't show it".
"I know" Sana spoke in a soft voice, looking down playing with her pajama.
"Lekin aunty. Wo ghussa hai na mujhse, wo mujhe milna nahi chahta. Uss din dekha na aap ne, kitna naraz hogaya tha wo. Mai kya karu?" she asked his mother in a small confused lost voice, like a little vulnerable child, she was one. His mother's heart broke for this little girl who was as pure as a baby. She wanted to hug and comfort this young girl and tell her that it will all be okay.
"I'm so sorry beta. Uss din I know he crossed a line and went overboard. Par bache, his reaction and anger came from a place of hurt"
"Hawwww Chup chup chup. Aap aise mat bolo. Haaye, aap kyun sorry kar rahe ho? Mujhe uski kisi baat ka buran ahi laga aunty. I know he's hurt. Mere liye itna important hai na Sidharth, k chahye wo jo bhi keh ya kar kyun na le, ghussa aata hi nahi hai uss pe" she pouted sweetly thinking to herself. His mother smiled widely listening to that. She had no doubt in that but hearing it from her mouth with so much of honesty and genuineness, it melted her heart.
"Jaanti hoon. Tus ach mai bohat pyara bacha hai. Khush reh beta" his mother smiled. Sana smiled coming back to the conversation.
"Aap bhi bohaaaaat achay ho. Sab se achay. Muaaaah" she placed a cute and loud kiss to the phone, his mother let out a little laugh at that. This girl was truly one of a kind.
"Acha batao phir, mai mil loon na usey?" she asked her again, warming her heart.
"Haan bache zaroor milo. You and Sidharth have your own equation haina? Usko tum dono se behtar koi nahi samjhta aur na hi koi aur suljha sakta hai. So it's only you both who can and should decide what you both need to do. So jo tujhe sahi lagta hai, aur tera dil karta hai, tu wo kar " talking to her lovingly.
"Hmmm. Par aap tou koi nahi ho na. Aap tou uski mumma ho, itne important ho. Aap se behtar koi thori jaanta hai usko. So apki help lena koi buri baat thori hai" she mumbled with such sheer honesty that his mother's heart was a puddle for this girl. She realized how easily she said the most heartwarming things, with such ease and honesty.
"Of course bache. I'm always here for you. Khayal rakh tu bas apna" she spoke, too overwhelmed with Sana's kindness. They both talked some more before ending the call. Sana's heart was so much more at peace now. She was smiling to herself thinking about the conversation with his mother and how lovingly she always guided Sana and made her understand things. She was so so grateful for her. She turned to her side and tried distracting her mind with some random show playing on the TV, desperately awaiting tomorrow.

****
The next morning Sana's sleep had been a rollercoaster. She kept checking the phone every few minute  to see if he had arrived. He had to reach India by around 6:45 am and so Sana kept checking her phone after every few minutes. There were so many feelings racing inside her. She had no idea how his mood would be, or if he would finally give in & see her or not but she still felt all the butterflies because she hoped he would. She last checked her phone at around 6:25 am and closed her eyes , she didn't realize when she fell asleep. When she finally woke up, it was around 7;30 am. She panicked realizing that he must have reached and instantly opened his chat and typed a quick message getting up.
Sana
Agaaaayeee??
She excitedly left her phone to the side and went to take a quick shower and get ready for the day. Her nerves were really kicking in and she was feeling all kinds of excited and nervous. She took a quick shower and the moment she stepped out, she ran towards her phone but turning it on, her face instantly fell. The message had been read right after a minute of delivery but there was still no response. She pouted sadly and spoke
"Haye Rabba itni akad. Khadoos kahin ka. Itna ghussa hai iss bande mai hayee. Sab theek kar doongi zara miley tou sahi mujhe" she glared throwing the phone on the bed and going towards the dresser. She got ready for the day and left for work after having a quick breakfast and constantly glaring at her phone, muttering curses. She went to work and instantly got to some new projects, she was still thinking about him constantly at the back of her mind. She decided to drop another message at around 1;30 pm, her lunch break. She realized he must be asleep or must have woken up by now so she decided to test her luck and message.

Sana
Sidhaaaaarthhh!! Baat tou karo na. Acha mai aajaun aaj milne, khana le k?