Forever (Epilouge)

166

A/N: this chapter contains sensitive topics

"Come on Cora...it will make you feel better." My nurse Anna said as she held up a spoonful of mashed potatoes.

"Not hungry." I mumbled and chewed on my sleeve as she sighed. "I know you're sad and overwhelmed but if you don't eat this food I'm going to force it down your throat." She said as I shook my head.

I knew she was using tough love because she concerned about me. Everyone was.

I constantly had people coming into my room, trying to get me to eat or trying to get me to socialize. I couldn't though. I couldn't break passed the dark cloud that was surrounding me. I couldn't pretend I was okay anymore. I didn't want to.

"Please don't." I whispered as she pulled my hand from my mouth gently. "Please just give it a try. Do it for Colby and the girls." Anna said as I frowned.

I missed them.

I felt my jaw quiver as I tried to open it but the feeling that I was going to be sick overcame me. "No." I whispered as she sighed then brought her hand to my jaw.

I wimpered as she forced my jaw open and shoved the spoon in my mouth. "Chew it, Cor..." Anna soothed as I started to cry. "I'm gonna throw up." I whispered as she shook her head. "No, you're okay. It's okay." She soothed as I closed my eyes and forced myself to swallow the food.

I didn't deserve to eat. I didn't deserve to be here. I didn't deserve any of this.

As soon as I swallowed it I could feel myself trembling, knowing the food wouldn't last long in my stomach. "Good job, Cora. I'm so proud of you." Anna cooed as I brought my sleeve to my mouth again.

I tried so hard to keep the food down, but I could already feel the stress boiling up to the point where my stomach was killing me.

I quickly grabbed the garbage can next to my bed and threw up into it as Anna frowned. "We'll try again later." She said with a defeated sigh as I trembled.

I couldn't help the tears that were flowing freely from my eyes as the disappointment flooded my system.

I was such a fuck up.

As soon as Anna left the room I burst into tears, throwing myself against the bed. I hugged the two stuffed animals that were on my bed, wishing with all of my heart that they were Mia and Olivia instead.

My mind drifted off to Colby and the girls. I wondered how they were doing with this change. I knew Colby could handle it but it made me worry that he would realize that he didn't need me.

He could raise the girls by himself.

He doesn't need you. Give up.

I sniffled then sat up and grabbed the notepad they gave me. I was supposed to write stuff down when I was feeling like this.

I sat there and wrote for a while before someone came into the room. "Hey, you have a visitor." Amanda said as I scruched my brow. "Is it Colby?" I asked as she shook her head. "No, he couldn't make it today..I think you'll like who it is though, come on." She said and held her hand out to me.

"I don't want to see anyone." I whispered as the anxiety boiled up. I had no idea who would be here to see me but I didn't want to face them when I was this weak.

I didn't want them to see me like this.

"They love you very much, Cora. They aren't going to judge you." Amanda said quietly as she came over to give me a hug. "I don't deserve a visitor." I sobbed out as she scratched my back gently. "Nonsense. I think it's gonna help..just trust me." She said then pulled away. I sniffled then nodded and stood up, slowly walking towards the door.