Forever (Epilouge)

77

A/N: I'm gonna put a little trigger warning here, sensitive subjects are brought up in this chapter.

Another week had passed, and recovery was kicking my ass. I would always think I was doing better but then an episode would happen and set me back ten steps.

Today I was going to therapy, since I was having such a hard time processing everything. Colby thinks it's because I don't really know what happened. They had me drugged up most of the time so I wouldn't fight them, so I really was just living with the unknown.

"Ready to go, babe?" Colby asked as he grabbed his keys. "Yeah, I'm ready." I said and grabbed my bag, then walked with him to the car.

Mia and Olivia were staying at the traphouse while we went to my therapy appointment. I felt bad that I was constantly leaving them with other people, but I had to take care of myself before I could take care of them in the best way possible.

"Did you want me to sit in on this one?" Colby asked as he took my hand and started driving. "No, I think I want to try it alone." I said and picked at my nails.

"Okay, I'll be in the waiting room the entire time, just tell Emily if you need me." He said as I nodded,
"I will. I promise." I said and leaned my head on the window, closing my eyes.

It didn't take long for us to get to the doctors office, but it was long enough for me to start feeling nervous.

I didn't like the idea of delving into my feelings right now. I had been through so much lately that I didn't want to think about them, I wanted to just be numb.

We went inside and checked in, "I'll be right here. Please call me in if you start to panic." Colby explained as Emily stood in the doorway, waiting for me. "I will." I said as he kissed my forehead.

"Come on, Cora." Emily said and held her hand out to me. I took it and let her lead me into the office, "how are you feeling today?" She asked as we sat on the couches.

"Um...I'm a little nervous." I said and chewed on my lip. "I bet, but it's okay, you're in a safe space. I just want to help you." She said as I nodded, "thank you." I said and pulled the big pillow that was next to me, into my lap.

"So, I understand that you don't remember much from your time with your captors, correct?" She asked as I nodded. "How does that make you feel?" She asked as I picked at my nails.

"It scares me. They could have done anything to me, and I don't remember it." I said and sniffled, feeling my heart start to race. "Do you think they might have sexually assaulted you?" She asked calmly as my eyes welled with tears. "Yeah." I said and started to cry.

I hadn't said it out loud yet because I was afraid if I did, then it would become a reality.

"Okay, we can work through this. Tell me what you remember." She said as I wiped my eyes. "Um..I was laying on the ground with my wrists tied when he came in, he slipped me the pill then started to kiss me. The pill went into effect before I could feel anything else." I whispered as she nodded.

"I'm scared because I don't remember any of it. What if he got me pregnant?" I asked starting to feel panicked. "Hey, take a deep breath, you're okay, Cora." Emily said and handed me a fidget toy so I could attempt to distract my mind.

"Do you want me to go get you a pregnancy test, would it ease your mind?" She asked as I trembled, "y-yes." I said as she stood up, "okay, do you want me to grab Colby too?" She asked as I shook my head, "not yet." I said and focused on the little toy in my hand.

I knew having Colby here with me would help a little bit but I didn't want to upset him by taking a pregnancy test for another guy's baby. I knew there was a possibility if I happened to be pregnant that it could be Colby's but we used protection religiously.

If I was pregnant it would most likely be Jason's.

I broke down as Emily left to grab me a pregnancy test. I didn't like the idea that this was happening but I needed to ease my mind.

She came back and handed me the test, "go ahead and take it, I'll be right here with you." Emily cooed and handed me the test as I stood up.

When I went to the bathroom I was shaking so badly I almost dropped the test into the toilet. I peed on it though then cleaned up and looked in the mirror.

"You're fine. Everything is fine." I said to myself and splashed some water on my face before going back to Emily's office with the test in my hand.

"While we wait, I want to ask your some more questions okay?" Emily asked as I sat down again, clutching the plastic test with so much force I was afraid I would break it. "Okay." I whispered then wiped my cheek again.

"Do you feel safe in your home?" She asked as I nodded, "I do." I responded as she wrote something down, "okay, how have your nightmares been?" She asked as I looked down at the test, afraid to even attempt to flip it over.

"They've been pretty bad." I admitted as she nodded, "Any suicidal thoughts?" She asked which caused a shiver to run down my spine, "not recently." I said as she nodded, "good. I hope we can keep it that way." She said as I nodded.

Emily asked me a couple more questions then sighed, "Want me to look for you?" She asked and gestured to the test. "No, I'll do it." I said and took a deep breath, trembling.

When I flipped the test over, my heart stopped.

Negative.

"Thank god." I whispered and put my hand over my heart. "Negative?" She asked as I smiled and nodded. "Negative." I confirmed then put the test down.

"How does that make you feel?" Emily asked as I nodded, "good." I said then sighed, "I have to talk about something though." I said as she nodded, "well this is the perfect place for it." She said with a grin as I physically relaxed.

"I'm afraid I'll never be able to be intimate with Colby again. I feel like I did him wrong, by letting another man kiss me. I feel dirty." I said as she shook her head.

"That's normal, sweetie. I suggest maybe taking the leap sooner rather than later. It might be difficult at first but maybe replacing the memory of another man wrongfully touching you with a memory of someone who loves you so deeply touching you will help you heal from it." She said as I bit my lip, "do you think it will trigger me though?" I asked as she sighed.

"It could, but you won't know until you try it. I know this is hard. It may be the hardest thing you've been through, but you have an amazing and supportive husband. He's going to stay with you during all of this and help in any way that he can." She said as
I nodded, "you're right." I said and let out a breath.

We finished our session, talking over some other things that were bothering me. It honestly felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders by the time we were done.

Emily walked me to the waiting room where Colby was. As soon as the door opened he stood up and smiled at me, "how'd it go, baby girl?" He asked and kissed my head as I wrapped my arms around his waist.

"We can talk about it in the car." I said then stepped away, taking his hand. "Everything okay?" He asked as I smiled softly at him, "yeah." I said then smiled softly at him as he laced his fingers through mine.

We said goodbye to Emily then walked to the car,
"Want to get something to eat before swing by to pick up the girls?" Colby asked as I shook my head, "I think we should just go home before picking up the girls." I said timidly as I held my hands in my lap.

"Why?" Colby asked as I chewed on my lip. "Oh!" He said in realization after a second, "are you sure you're ready for that?" Colby asked as I shook my head, "No. I took a pregnancy test though at the appointment, because I was scared of..him...getting me pregnant." I said as his jaw clenched.

"I want to kill him still." He growled as I nodded, "I know. Anyways I just want to replace a bad memory with a good memory...if you're up for it.." I said as we drove down the road.

"I mean I'm always up for it, I just don't want to scare you..." Colby said as I sighed, "I know. Please just try for me...I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I want that memory to go away." I said, feeling the tears form again.

"I understand..let's just go home and see what happens okay? Everything is gonna be okay." Colby said as I nodded.

I just wanted to feel okay again.