Forever (Epilouge)

29

A/N: here's a little trigger warning, it gets a little graphic during the italicized part.

"Olivia sweetie, please stop crying." I begged as she screamed in my arms.

It was the third night in a row that she was having a hard time sleeping. We had been up with her every night, trying to get her adjusted to her new environment but she was just having a really hard time.

"Shhh, it's okay angel...you're okay." I mumbled as Colby came in with a bottle of milk so he could feed her. "Okay sweetheart, daddy's here." He said and took her from me. As soon as she was safely in his arms I lowered myself to the ground and just laid there, staring at the ceiling.

"What are we doing wrong?" I mumbled as he rocked her, trying to get her to calm down. "Nothing sweetheart." He mumbled as I brought my hands to my eyes. I was so exhausted I couldn't help the tears that were flowing down my cheeks.

"That's my girl, good." Colby cooed as Olivia finally took the bottle. I had been trying to breastfeed her for over an hour but she was just being too fussy. I cried into my hands as Colby danced around the room, trying to keep Olivia calm.

"You can probably go to bed, Cor. I got this." Colby said as I got up. "No, we're in this together." I mumbled and turned towards them.

"Come here, sweet pea." I said and took Olivia from him. "It's almost like you're still trying to prove to us that your lungs work." I said and held her on my shoulder as Colby laid a burping towel down so she could spit up onto that and not onto my bare shoulder.

"I would take this screaming over those 5 minutes of silence during the delivery any day." Colby said as I rocked back and forth, gently patting Olivia's back. "Yeah, I guess your right." I said and shuttered thinking about the horror story that was the delivery of Olivia.

I didn't want to think about it, but I was so tired that my mind was going to be mean to me.

"Stop! I need Colby! Please wait!" I screamed louder than I ever have before. "She needs to be put under." A nurse said to the old older man who I would assume was the anesthesiologist as she looked at my chart.

"We don't have time!" Claire said then started working. "Claire...her PTSD..." A random nurse said as Claire sighed, "I know. We don't have time though, do regional, NOW." She ordered then started cutting after she got the go ahead from the anesthesiologist.

I felt everything she was doing though. The pain was radiating through me as I tried to pull my arms up from the table.

They thought I was crazy.

"IM NOT CRAZY! STOP!!!! PLEASE STOP!" I screamed and thrashed around, feeling every inch of my body radiating with pain. "Hey it's okay...I'm here, you're okay." Colby said as he and Meghan came rushing in. I immediately felt guilt rising to my chest as I looked at him, "I'm so sorry!! I'm sorry Colby!" I screamed as sobs wrecked through my chest.

He just shook his head and wiped away the hair from my forehead as I blacked out a little bit from the pain. I wanted to reach up and cup his face, or even take his hand but I was tied to the bed.

"I'm not crazy! They tied my arms down l-like before!! I'm n-not c-crazy!" I screamed as he frown at me.

"Shhh, you're okay sweetheart." Colby cooed as a felt another sharp pain fill my abdomen causing me to cry in pain. "Can she feel that?!" He asked a nurse with a panicked look on his face. I wanted to answer for her and say that I could feel it but I couldn't form the words.

"No, she shouldn't. They put her under regional anesthesia." She said then turned away as the pain finally started fade away.

"Cora!" Colby yelled as I opened my eyes. I didn't realize what was going on, I wasn't in the nursery anymore. I was in our bedroom, on the bed with my hands covering my eyes as I sobbed. I couldn't hear the crying anymore, which meant Olivia was probably asleep now.

"W-what's going on?" I asked as Colby knelt in front of men with his hands holding both sides of my face, "you had a pretty bad attack...are you okay?" He asked as I looked around, "is Olivia okay? Where is she? Did Mia hear or see me? Oh god." I mumbled as he tightened his hands on my head forcing me to look at him.

"Mia's been asleep upstairs, she didn't see or hear you. And Olivia's okay, I got her to sleep, then brought you in here." He said as I tried to catch my breath.

Lack of sleep really made the PTSD harder to handle.

"I'm sorry." I whispered as he shook his head, "don't apologize, I can make you some tea and we can talk about it." He said as I shook my head, "you should sleep." I mumbled looking at him exhausted features.

"You should sleep too and I know you won't after an attack like that." He said and took my hands in his. "Get comfortable, I'll make you tea, and we can talk about it." He said again then stood up.

I nodded and leaned back against the pillows and rubbed my finger along where the scar was forming along my abdomen.

I bit my lip and tried to keep myself calm as I waited for Colby to come back. I didn't really want to talk about what happened because I didn't want to relive that moment any more than I already had to tonight but I know Colby wouldn't let me get away with not telling him.

When he came back he handed me a mug then slid into bed next to me, "what's going on?" He asked as I sipped on the hot tea. "Just thinking about the birth." I mumbled as he nodded, "you were saying something about it hurting..could you feel it?" He asked as I looked down and closed my eyes.

"I felt everything." I whispered as I heard him suck in a breath, "Jesus." He said then carefully pulled me into him. "It was worth it though. I would do it again if it had the same outcome of Olivia being okay." I said and rested my head on his chest.

"Why didn't you tell them you could feel it?" He asked as I sighed, "I was panicking too much. I was so scared, Colby." I said and sat up again so I could sip my tea.

"I couldn't even imagine the pain you were feeling...why didn't you tell me after?" He asked as I shrugged, "I pushed it down..I didn't want to think about it so I just didn't. I think the lack of sleep just made it come back full force." I said as he nodded slowly.

"I know..I think she's getting closer to adjusting though. She's just being stubborn." He said as I breathed a laugh, "like her mom." I said and looked at him with a smirk. "Just like her mom. Ya know I think she's really gonna take after you." He said as I shivered, "that poor girl." I said as he laughed.

"Shut up, she's gonna be beautifully strong and passionate just like you, but also stubborn as hell I can already tell." He said as I scrunched my nose at him.

"We don't need any more stubbornness in this household." I said as he laughed, "that's true." He said as Athena jumped up onto the bed and nuzzled onto my lap. "You're a little late to the party, were you giving Mia snuggles?" I asked and pet her as she looked at me with her golden eyes.

"I'll take that as a yes." I said as she leaned into my hand as I pet her head. "Alright. I've kept us up long enough, time for bed." I said and set my mug on the bedside table.

"Are you going to be okay to sleep?" Colby asked as Athena repositioned herself at the end of the bed. "I think so...I'm so exhausted I think my brain just might let me sleep." I said as he turned the light off and wrapped his arms around me.

I missed being able to sleep in his arms while I was in the hospital. I always just felt so safe when he held me, like nothing bad could ever happen to me.

"Goodnight, baby girl." Colby said and kissed my forehead as I closed my eyes, "goodnight, I love you." I mumbled. "I love you too." He said as I drifted off to sleep.

Here's hoping we would be able to sleep through the rest of the night.