Forever (Epilouge)

36

I only slept for an hour before Olivia was up and wanting to be fed. I trudged down the hallway as my back cracked from the uncomfortable sleeping position I was in on the couch.

I should have made Colby's dumb ass sleep on the couch.

"Hey sweet pea, you're probably hungry huh?" I asked and bounced her around a little bit, seeing if that would calm her down at all.

When it didn't work I sat down in the rocking chair and started to feed her. My mind was still racing, as my heart ached in my chest.

You knew this would happen eventually. He would get tired of you.

I shook my head, shaking those thoughts away as Olivia pulled away and looked up at me. "What do you think? Should I forgive daddy?" I asked her as she made a weird gurgle sound.

"That's what I was thinking." I mumbled then brought her to my shoulder so I could burp her.

You should just go to the top of that mountain again. Make it easier for him.

Stop.

I bit my lip and patted Olivia's back as I pushed the thoughts away. I couldn't get to that point again. I couldn't make myself feel that pain again.

Once Olivia burped I cleaned her up and rocked her back to sleep. When I walked down the hallway I paused in front of our bedroom door, contemplating going in.

"Cor?" I heard Colby call out causing me to shake my head and go back out to the living room. I wasn't ready to talk to him yet. I don't know if I'll ever be ready though.

Olivia ended up keeping me up for most of the night, being fussy. I kept myself calm for the first five times she woke me up but by the sixth time I found myself crying on her floor from the exhaustion.

I forgot how hard it can be having a newborn baby but it's especially difficult when you're fighting with your spouse who almost broke his back and is basically on bed rest.

It made me even more mad at him.

I picked myself up and slowly left the room so that I could try to sleep again. I'm not sure how long I slept before I heard little footsteps though.

"Mommy why are you sleeping on the couch?" Mia asked as I forced my eyes to open against the harsh light that was shining outside. "Uhh...it doesn't matter honey. Wanna help me make breakfast?" I asked and sat up, feeling extremely tired.

"Yeah! Can we go wake daddy?" Mia asked as I shook my head, "maybe after we have breakfast." I said and pulled the stuff out to make pancakes.

I didn't want Mia to see the tension between Colby and I, so I prayed he had the common sense to stay away from me while she was around.

"Mommy can we make them with smiley faces?" Mia asked as Olivia cried again. I sighed then smiled at Mia, "yes, go ahead and grab the chocolate chips, I'm going to get sissy." I said as she giggled, "okay mommy!" She exclaimed then ran into the pantry to grab the chocolate chips.

When I got to the nursery Olivia was screaming, "what's wrong sweet pea? Do you just want some cuddles?" I asked as she cooed in my arms almost immediately. "Good thing mommy is great at cuddles." I said and nuzzled her close to me as she cooed loudly.

"Hi sissy!" Mia yelled as I walked back into the kitchen with Olivia in my arms. "Did you get the chocolate chips out?" I asked as she giggled and held them up, "Yep! Now we can make SMILEYS." She yelled as I laughed, "yes ma'am. We can make smiley faces." I said and leaned down to kiss her head.