Forever (Epilouge)

161

The thoughts were still raging as Colby pulled into the parking lot of Emily's office.

Make him turn around. You have work to do.

I shook my head looked at him with tears in my eyes as he parked. "Shh, you're okay." Colby cooed as he wrapped his arms around me tightly. "Make them stop." I whispered as he smoothed my hair down.

"We're gonna help you. You're okay." He cooed as I nodded and melted into him for just another second.  I felt bad I was putting him through this once again, he deserved better.

When we walked into the office, Emily was standing there waiting for us. "Hey, Cora! How are you feeling?" She asked as I squeezed Colby's hand. I didn't understand why I was so nervous, I knew she just wanted to help me.

"I'm okay." I mumbled as we walked down the hallway and towards her office. "I know you're struggling a little bit, but we're gonna help you." She said and handed me a couple fidget toys so I could keep my hands occupied.

"Did you want me to stay or go to the waiting room?" Colby asked quietly as I sat on the couch. "Please stay." I whispered as he nodded and sat next to me as I started fidgeting with the toys in my hands.

"So tell me what's going on." Emily said as I chewed on my lip and looked down at my hands. "It's okay you're in a safe space." She said as I looked at the window.

You're not safe. Jump out of the window. It's easy.

"Cora." Emily said as I chewed my lip. "I wanna die." I mumbled as she nodded. "Okay, admitting is a good step. Did something trigger these feelings?" She asked as I shook my head.

"I'm crazy." I whispered as I looked at my lap again. "No, you're not. You're just having a little bit of a hard time right now." Emily said as I fidgeted the toys more. "Tell me what was going on in your head when you started hearing those thoughts." She prompted as Colby placed his hand on my leg, rubbing small circles onto it with his thumb.

"I don't know...I just t-thought that something was gonna happen to me. S-something always happens..." I mumbled as Emily nodded. "So you're afraid something bad is going to happen to you." She clarified as I nodded.

"I know you've been through a lot and I know it seems like things are constantly happening but worrying about it isn't healthy for you." Emily started as Colby wrapped his arm around my shoulder, rubbing my arm.

You need to worry about it. Don't listen to her.

"I-" I started but couldn't finish due to the sobs wrecking through my chest. "It's okay, baby girl." Colby whispered and kissed my head.

"I have a suggestion that I know you probably won't want to do, but I think it's something we should look into." Emily said as I shakily wiped my cheeks. "What is it?" I asked quietly as Colby rubbed my arm.

"There's an institution that we can send you to, so we can get these thoughts under control. I know you have little ones, so it might not be ideal but it's something to think about." Emily suggested as my heart shattered.

I was to the point where I needed to be locked up.

"What do you think, Cor?" Colby asked quietly. "You wanna lock me up." I whispered to him as he shook his head. "No, I want you stay alive. I know you don't want to have these thoughts especially around the girls."  He said as I nodded.

"Lock me up." I mumbled as he frowned. "We're not locking you up, Cor. We're getting you help that I can't give you." He said and brushed my hair behind my ear.

See. He's getting rid of you.

I frowned then flinched away from Colby, feeling a pain in my chest.