Sanditon Season 2: The River and the Man

Chapter 81

Mr. Crowe scanned the assembly with drink fogged eyes and he blinked as he rubbed them with one clumsy hand as his other held him upright. He was looking for the food but stumbled watching others trip about in the energetic dancing of the Sanditon House spring ball.

Having already drunk a bottle of Cognac on the carriage ride to Sanditon that day he was quite wobbly from deep inebriation. It had been a long ride from London with his frequent urination stops, but at great length, he made it in time to attend the ball. He had sobered up enough to find where the blasted footman had chucked his trunk and was able to haphazardly assemble himself into at least half a gentleman.

"Do pace yourself Mr. Crowe." came a soft voice to his left.

Blinking and squinting he tried to focus. "Miss Heywood, is that you?" he laughed. "I may not recognize this goddess before me, but the voice is definitely," he slurred, "Definitely the voice of that most tempting little Miss Heywood that all of London gossip about."

Charlotte winced as he looked confused at what he had bumped into.

"Careful," she said and looked to find help but there were no familiar faces and she did not want to cause a scene. "Are you alright?" she asked frowning at him concerned.

He found himself focusing on her eyes. "You know why I did not pick you fist at the ball?" he asked.

Charlotte shook her head and frowned. "What are you talking of?" she asked and looked again for some help.

"The first ball I met you at," he said frustrated and snapped his fingers. "I was told before even seeing your face that you were off-limits."

Charlotte's eyes widened in surprise. "Surely you are mistaken."

He shook his head his eyebrows high and comical. "I wish I was...." he straightened himself but then leaned a little trying to hold himself like Sidney. "You can have your pick of Miss Esther Denham or Clara Brereton but Miss Heywood...do not dance with Miss Heywood." he mocked Sidney's pattern of speech.

She felt her mouth drop. "But why?" she asked.

Mr. Crowe shrugged. "I thought it was because you were a fortune hunter and that he was warning me off like a chum, but then I saw," he whispered conspiratorially. "I saw him watching you. Brooding in his cups... oh and the cove!" he shouted calling eyes on to them briefly while he laughed. "I have never seen him so wound up." he leaned into her. "He confessed the most salacious fantasies..." he said with a smile the bespoke his keen satisfaction with the tale.

"I'm about to be the only bachelor left." he lamented. "Don't suppose you would fancy?" he started but then sighed. "Ugh, no... On second thought I like my manly bits." he laughed. "Sidney would geld me." he looked around. "Where was the damned food again. I seem to have gotten turned around..."

"Mr. Sidney Parker, speak of the devil and he shall appear!" he exuberantly shouted. "We were just talking about the cove..." his voice went from loud to soft as he noted the expression of his friend had become very hard.

"Crowe, did you go against instruction to stay away from anymore drink?" he asked clenching his jaw.

"I haven't had a drop since I was over there," he said gesturing to the other side of the room. "And over there feels like it was ages ago."

Sidney put his hands on him. "Come with me, to the kitchens with you." he steered him below with Charlotte near at hand.

"Is he going to be alright?" she asked worriedly.

Sidney turned and nodded. "You will be fine won't you Crowe?" he slapped him on the back.

Crowe staggered and weaved. "Right you are, I threw up in the vase on the mantle. Shhh...do..don't tell Lady Denham, I would never be allowed back. I mean you saw how she acted over a rotten pineapple, what do you think she would do if she knew?" he asked.

Charlotte smiled. "I will direct it to be cleaned up presently." she laughed a little but cringed.

"My dear Sidney," Mrs. Campion drifted down. "Where are you going?" she asked.

Sidney held the man upright and turned. "My friend Mr. Crowe here is not feeling so well at the moment. I thought some time in the kitchen would do him good. Put some food in him without so many eyes."

She frowned and sighed. "I would come, but I have been asked to take a turn with Captain Warrick, I wanted to ask your permission to dance again."

Sidney shrugged. "Enjoy yourself, Eliza, it is a ball after all," he said helping his friend down the steps with Charlotte now steadying Mr. Crowe with a hand to his chest.

"My heart races, do you not feel it Miss Heywood?" he asked almost cheekily.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes as a bright laugh erupted. "I think that is the effect of the drink you have consumed."

Once down the stair, they shuffled him to a chair.

"What is this wastrel doing in my kitchen?" the cook waved her food slathered spoon at him making the liquid fly about.

Sidney cleared his throat about to explain but Charlotte stepped forward. "This is Mr. Crowe. He seems to have consumed quite a lot...." she hesitated.

He laughed. "Quite a lot of quality Cognac, and then champagne served by you fine people," he said in a dramatic salute.

Charlotte smiled and implored the cook with her sweet eyes. "He is a real nice man, maybe you could stuff him full of your tasty culinary confections, and have someone tend to him if he sickens?" she asked.

The cook squinted. "If he is troublesome I will knock him upside the head and he can sleep it off." she eyed him seriously. "You do as I say if you are to stay in my kitchen without a crack on your noggin'" she waved an empty pot as a warning.

Crowe frowned. "You jailing me?" he asked Sidney.

His friend laughed. "No, No my friend. I just need you to sober up a little if you want to join the party again. I don't want to find you passed out in a corner half trampled."

Crowe patted him on the arm. "Oh you, you are the truest mosy loy-" he stopped midsentence as the cook shoved a pot in his hands just in time to catch the vomit he suddenly ejected from his body. The contents stung his nose.

"Oh..." he barfed again. "Oh... Something to cleanse the palette please?" he wiped his mouth with the edge of the pot most crudely.

Glass in hand he tried to focus. "What was I saying?" he asked and looked up.

Charlotte and Sidney smiled and looked at each other.

"It's almost time for the fireworks," she said quietly.

Sidney nodded and looked back at his friend. "When you can stand without assistance and climb those stairs you can come back to the party."

"But I might miss the display!" he pouted.

"Should have thought about that before you got so soggy." Sidney threw over his shoulder.