Wonderland // McFly

Better Late than Never

I made a mental note to myself to watch the home videos at a later date, and began loading the items back into the box.

As I lifted one of the books, I felt the inside of it shift. Curiosity overcame me as I quickly opened the book.

The pages had been hollowed out and it held an envelope addressed to me, in the same writing that had been on the back of mum's photo.

I took it out, not hesitating to rip it open and take out the lined paper inside.

Lilly,

As soon as the doctor told me I was sick, I knew I had to write you this letter. I know I am going to get very sick and die. I want you to know that I am not afraid to die. That I am old and have lived a great life. I am, however afraid for you.

Right now, as I am writing this, it is 1994 and you are seven. I'm not sure if you'll read this when you are eight or twenty eight, but I know you will not be very old when you do read this.

I am sorry, Darling, for leaving you behind. I know you have no one left, and if it were up to me, I would die a day after you so I would never have to leave you alone. But that, simply, is not how life works.

I don't get to choose how my life plays out, as do any of us. And though I am frightened for you, I know that you are one of the most intelligent young women to walk this earth. You are strong Lilly, and please remember you are never alone.

For, me, please find love. It can simply be platonic, or it could be absolutely, heart wrenchingly romantic love. Do it for me so I know you truly aren't alone.

I probably will pass before you turn eighteen. Be good for the orphanage and do not be sad. I'm sure you will be adopted soon. You are quite a charming girl!

I want you to continue your studies. You are so bright and your parents would be so proud.

I have left 70,000 pounds enclosed in this envelope for you so you can go to university and survive without me.

I am sorry I have made you take care of me. I will love you forever. Be brave, Lillian.

Love,

Gran

I quickly fished through the envelope, and sure enough, there was 70,000 pounds.

Would gran be mad at me for the road I had taken? Yes, I had found love, both platonic and romantic, and though I am enrolled in school, I had dropped out so early to take care of her when she was unable to take care of herself. Was I not doing enough?

I shoved the box back in the closet and returned to my bed. I stared at the letter in shock. I could've used this money so much two years ago, however if I had, would I have ever met the boys? How would my life be different if I had found this money longer ago?

Would it have been better?

I suddenly felt sick being left responsible for all this money and wanted to pretend I had never seen it. I mean, I had never seen it for two years. What difference would it make if I just pretended I didn't see it now?

I shoved the paper back in the envelope. While I did so, I noticed one more item inside.

A necklace, silver, with a small, plain circle pendant on the end.

I slowly clasped it around my neck, still feeling uneasy about the situation.

"Lil?" I heard. I turned to see Dougie standing in the doorway as I held the envelope to my chest. "You alright?"

"Great." I quickly smiled, wiping away a troubled look I hadn't noticed I had until then.

"What's that?" Dougie asked, furrowing his brows and motioning to the letter in my hands. "Don't tell me you have a teacher from university you've fallen in love with." He says. I laugh, putting the letter in my nightstand drawer.

"Yup." I smile up at Dougie. "His name is Mr. Mackenzie and he's what I go to school for."

**************************************************************

"Happy birthday dear Danny, happy birthday to you." Gi, Tom, Dougie, Harry and Izzy sang. I pretended to sing. No one needed to hear that.

We all cheered as Danny blew out the candles on the cake Gi made him. It was organic, or something.

"Happy birthday, Dan." Tom said, putting his hand on Danny's shoulder and squeezing it. "Twenty looks good on you."

"You think?" Danny asked smiling.

"Absolutely." I returned.

"Not." Harry said. "At nineteen he was most snogable male. Certainly he's-"

"Alright Harry." Izzy scolded lovingly, putting her hand on his chest.

It was hard to watch Tom and Gi, Harry and Izzy and Danny and whatever girl he was hooking up with do that kind of stuff when I all I wanted was do it with Dougie too.

It was the little things that they took advantage of that I would have died for.

"What did you wish for Danny?" Izzy asked.

"To find a bird." Danny says as Gi and Izzy let out 'awws'. "And ice cream." He adds.

"Oh! I brought ice cream!" Gi says, before she cuts into the cake. "Lilly could you get it for me?"

"Sure." I smile. Walking away into Danny's kitchen.

Danny had actually kept his house quite neat, and what I'd seen of the other boys houses they'd done the same. Too bad they couldn't do it when they lived all together.

I opened Danny's freezer and took out the carton of ice cream, before noticing a bottle of alcohol in the freezer. That was odd. Danny's not the type to keep alcohol for long, usually because he can't.

I take the bottle out and see the front of it.

Pisco.

I shiver, placing it back in the freezer. And closing the door quickly.

As I turn around, I see Dougie and he kisses me. I quickly detach myself and look around.

"No else is around." He assures me.

"What...why did you do that?"

"I love you." He says.

"Why are you saying that?" I say, furrowing my brows.

"I saw you looking at them." He says, taking his hand and rubbing in between my brows where my face was scrunched, causing me to relax my face. "I want us to be like that too...it's just-"

"I know." I say, quietly. "It's not your fault."

"I love you." He repeats.

"I love you too." I smile genuinely, grabbing the ice cream and returning to the party.

//

Fun fact: Danny still does have a bottle of pisco in his freezer from 2005 (or at least he did up until 2012). If you don't remember what pisco is reread chapter 50 ( I got excited I lost my mind).