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196

Advice Request
This person's friend has invited a friend of the opposite gender, who is quite older than her and her friends, to a birthday celebration in a hotel and is worried about what could happen, since they will be unsupervised.

Answered Submission
Hello there,

I understand why you are worried about what could happen. It would make us sound like Debbie downers for worrying about it, but, personally, I do think that it's a situation where you are right to be worried.

The guy is way older than you and your friends are, and I don't want to paint a bad light on the his image, but you said that you don't know him. I get the impression that no adults (besides the guy, since he's technically an adult himself) would be there to watch over you and your friends. It's only normal for you to be worried because you don't know him, and there's also the fact that your friend's mom doesn't know that he will be there.

From my point of view, what you can do is:

- Tell your friend, the one who has invited the guy, that you're uncomfortable with having a stranger at the hotel.
He may not be a stranger to your friend, but he is to you and possibly to the rest of your friends. The fact that he's a guy who's way older than you and your friends are is also a thing that might cause the worry in your heart. I'm not stereotyping older guys to be bad because, honestly, I am at the same age as he is, and I have a lot of guy friends at the same age who are sweethearts, but it's better to be careful. I don't know if you or your other friends have invited others too or not, but what if you request for it to only be a night for only you and your friends—a night for only you girls to bond?

- If she still insists that she wants to invite the guy, ask her to tell her mom about it. Ask her mom's permission for it. Your friend is only thirteen, which means she's underage. Under the eyes of the law, your friend is still under the responsibility of her parents. If something were to happen, her parents would be questioned for what your friend is up to.

- If, somehow, she ends up not telling her mom, it would be best for you and your other friends to watch over your friend. If possible, you need to invite more people to the place. Surely, when there are a lot of people there, it would be a little hard for anything to happen.

- If she really wants to meet the guy, why don't you and your friends offer to accompany her to a diner or someplace that is full with other people and is in the eye of the public?

Remember, if your friend reacts defensively when you tell her about your thoughts of the guy, don't get frustrated with her. Think about the situation from her point of view too, even if she doesn't try to understand your point of view. Be a bigger person, and try to understand the way she sees the situation. Maybe she doesn't see why you're worrying because she thinks that the guy is harmless, which he could actually be, but we cannot really know a person. There are always stories of people claiming that the person that they know is really a sweetheart and would not dare to do this or that, but that said person ends up committing something bad. As I've been saying, it's better to be careful.

However, try to make her understand where you're coming from too. Young teens being with an older guy in a hotel room without other adult supervision doesn't really make you think of the word 'safe.'

From your last statement in your request, I understand that you're worried about your friend, and I think that's the sole reason why you're worried about the guy coming. So, whatever happens, make sure you watch her and protect her from things that she's not supposed to do.

I hope this really helps, and I wish you the best of luck with it.

With lots of love,
The Advice Column Team