The Advice Column I

Thirty-Nine

Advice Request
This person wants to break off a friendship but does not want their friend to be angry at them for doing so.

Answered Submission
Many people want to break off relationships with people but are too afraid to pay for the outcome. You don't want your friend to be angry at you for cutting off relations with them, but you can't control that. Every person can control their emotions and feelings only. Because it's impossible to control another person's emotions and feelings, there is no way you can make sure that your friend will not be angry with you after you break off your relationship with them.

Before truly deciding to call it quits, rethink your decision. People, at time, tend to think ending relationships with people is the solution to a/their problem(s), but that isn't always true. Ask yourself: Is this the right thing to do? Why do I want to do this? What would happen if I broke this friendship apart? What is causing me to want to do this?

For whatever reason you want to break this friendship off, you must make sure that it is for the best. If it isn't, then don't break it off and do attempt to find ways to improve your relationship with your friend. If it is the best option, then you need to keep in mind that you must do your part which includes (in oder):

1. Approaching your friend in a calm mood and inform them that you need to speak to them about something important.

2. Bringing up the topic of wanting to break off the friendship.

3. Explaining WHY you want to break off the friendship (THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT; DO NOT SKIP THIS BECAUSE YOUR FRIEND DESERVES TO KNOW WHAT IS MAKING YOU WANT TO CALL IT QUITS).

4. Reassuring your friend that your intention is not to hurt them

5. Letting your friend know that you feel this is the best option for the two of you.

Once you do your part, it is your friend's job to do theirs. Let them speak their thoughts on what you wish to do; that's totally fine no matter what they say. If they end up being annoyed, angry, non-understanding, etc., do know that it is NOT your fault. You have every right to break off ties with people you don't wish to be with (as friends in this case), so if you feel like this is the right thing to do, then do it. Other people's responses/reactions aren't in your control, so don't feel guilty if your friend is angry at you for doing this. :)

Cheers,

The Advice Column Team