The Advice Column I

Fifty-One

Advice Request
This person feels she is the third wheel around her friends.

Answered Submission
Hello! Friends are truly a blessing to have. Not having a friend can easily cause you to be misguided and misled. Friends help us with issues we cannot discuss with our families. You say you have been best friends for five years—that's a long time. I don't think a few days of miscommunication could end a friendship like that. We all have to face times when our friendships are tested. It's natural to feel possessive of your friend, but you need to remember that your friend is her own person and she needs to interact with other people, too. You can still be best friends with each other and good friends to other people at the same time.

I would suggest you confront your friend about how you feel. It could be that she doesn't notice she isn't giving you enough time and is making you feel like a third wheel. Try forming a friendship with the girl from your bio class. Maybe you'll end up liking her, and you three could be better friends to each other than how the relationships are right now. Communication is the key to any healthy relationship. Do not let the fear of rejection intimidate you to where you worry about things that are not real or are extreme, negative outcomes. You have been BFFs for five years, so you shouldn't hesitate in talking to her about this.

I would also like to remind you of a few things: people (friends and family specifically) who are meant to stay in our lives will always be there no matter how hard we try to push them away. Likewise, people who are not meant to stand with us will go away no matter how hard we try to keep them with us. In fact, a forced relationship can quickly turn into a toxic one, so no matter what the end result is, you need to remember that you did right by yourself. You were brave.

Additionally, I advise you to not limit yourself to just your BFF. Try talking to other people, try making new friends, and try having friendly relations with your siblings and cousins, etc. Do not make one person the sun of your universe. Take up a hobby, join a club, concentrate on your education (it is essential for your future), but do not sit holed up in your room all day worrying about could-be situations.

I know this is all easier said than done. Some people are good at making friends while others struggle to make a decent conversation. Despite this we can all learn, so you need to put yourself out there and trust yourself to learn—not to win, but to learn.

I hope your problem is resolved, and you do not feel ignored anymore.

Love,

The Advice Column Team