The Advice Column I

Eighty-Two

Advice Request
This person is being sexually harassed verbally and would like to know how to deal with it because it makes them feel indecent.

Answered Submission
Hi,

First of all, I am so sorry you have to hear such things at school (of all places), and the boys who are saying this to you are complete jerks. They have no right to body shame you or make you feel disgusted by yourself. I am going to tell you two very important things that you must remember for the rest of your life.

First, nobody—absolutely nobody—has the right to make you feel bad about yourself (body or mind). It is your body. If someone finds it attractive or disgusting, it's because of them and their perception; nothing about it is your fault. So, you will never ever blame yourself for any sort of sexual harassment, ever. Promise us. Women have played the role of both victim and perpetrator for too long, and it needs to be stopped. Sexual harassment is in no way the fault of the victim; it is always the fault of the abuser! Your clothes, your state of consciousness, and/or your gender does not invite sexual harassment—the abuser's ill intentions do. You are not going to cry thinking these idiots are harassing you because of your own faults. No, my dear, their harassing you just shows us how insecure and narrow-minded they are. I will tell you from experience that you will very rarely find a person of the male sex who treats women with the respect we deserve. Every other man tends to believe he is entitled to women just because he inherited a certain anatomical structure.

Now to the second thing I want you to know and act upon: abuse should never go unreported. I need you to inform your parents, teacher (one you trust), and the social worker/guidance counselor at your school. Sit down with your parents, and tell them how awful the harassment is for you. Ask them to accompany you to the social worker's office. Talk to the social worker, and ask her to take the appropriate action. If all of this does not work, then go to the principal and tell her about the issue. If she refuses to help you, ask your parents to file a police complaint against the boys and also the school for negligence of sexual harassment and bullying. To come out successful from abuse is to make sure it never happens to anyone again. I am attaching a link; please read it. It has more details on what sexual harassment victims at schools should do:

https://mainweb-v.musc.edu/vawprevention/research/sexharass.shtml

Lastly, I want you to know that you are not alone. There are other women who have been victims of sexual abuse and have emerged victorious. I want you to get help online, as well. Contacting us was the first step. The next step is to contact RAINN, an organization that helps victims of rape, abuse, and incest and is very concerned about its clients' privacy. The people there will help you. You can contact them by following this link:

https://www.rainn.org/contact-us

Most of all, remember you are blessed and amazing, and you have so much to give to the world. Do not let the world put out your light. I hope you write to us again about how it all went. As always, the Advice Column Team loves you and is concerned for you. We are all with you, and we wish you the best. Do not hesitate to contact us again.

Further reading:
http://www.aauw.org/files/2013/02/Crossing-the-Line-Sexual-Harassment-at-School.pdf

Love,

The Advice Column Team