Chapter 49: She's Just Too Good For Me

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49. She's Just Too Good For Me

Shawn's POV

"Shawn!" she squealed barging into my room.

I groaned and buried my face deeper in my pillow. It's way too early for this shit.

"Shawn," she whined. "Get up, it's Christmas!"

"I know," I mumbled, my eyes still closed.

She nudged me as hard as her six year old self could. "Get up!"

I groaned and opened my eyes to find her green little eyes staring back at me.

"Alright Harper I'm up," I told her as I forced myself up from bed. "Why don't you go downstairs, I'll be down in a second."

She grinned and skipped away and I just shook my head. I quickly brushed my teeth before heading downstairs.

"I see she got you up," Carson joked. He and Lilah came home the night before.

"Not cool," I muttered and he gave a smirk very similar to mine.

I joined all of them in the kitchen for breakfast.

I reached for a plate of pancakes but Lilah slapped my hand.

"Get your own," she told me before giving me a kiss on the cheek. "Merry Christmas Shawn."

"Merry Christmas," I sighed.

Christmas was always tough for my family. It was my mom's favourite time of year, but we always managed to get through it.

"Marge these are so good," Freddie moaned after taking a bite of the special Christmas cookies she made every year.

"I should hope so," she laughed. "Just make sure you leave some for your sister."

"So," Logan began. "We were kinda thinking of going to leave flowers for her or something."

My eyes shot up to meet his. "Really?"

"Yeah," he replied. "We couldn't go on her birthday so why not now?"

I nodded before asking, "So dad going too?"

"Your father had an emergency meeting at the office this morning," Isabelle explained. "He...may not make it."

I scoffed. "Of course."

Isabelle and I had been getting along better now though.

"Are you boys taking Harper?" Lilah asked.

"No," Carson answered. "She can just stay with you and Isabelle."

She nodded and I excused myself from the table.

My phone was flooded with texts from people probably wishing me a Merry Christmas or whatever, but there was only one person I wanted to call. I dialed her number and waited. I wouldn't be surprised if she was still in bed. She's probably the only girl I know who loved sleep more than I did. It amused me the way she snapped at me when my calls woke her up.

"Hey," she greeted.

"Morning beautiful," I smiled.

Don't know where that came from.

"Um...good morning," she responded, sounding a little flustered.

I smirked to myself knowing that probably made her blush.

"So what are you doing today?" I asked.

"Uhh nothing much," she answered. "Just spending the day with my family, normal stuff. How 'bout you?"

I sighed. "Same...except we're going to my mom's grave."

"Oh," she said. "Are you up for that?"

"I am," I replied and a few seconds of silence followed. "So am I going to see you tonight?"

"You betcha," she answered. "I'm coming with Shay."

"Good," I smiled. Made sense since her other lovesick bestfriends were probably each other's dates. "Merry Christmas Princess."

"Merry Christmas Shawn," she responded before hanging up.

I smiled and took a deep breath. Time to hit the cemetary.


"She'd love these," Logan said before placing a wreath of lilies in front of the tombstone. They were her favourite.

I chuckled. "Yeah."

It was clear my brothers missed her like hell too. They just handled it in a better way than I did I guess. But the truth is, I'm actually feeling better about her passing now. I don't come here anymore with a stupid dark cloud over my head. That all changed once I had someone to let in. Someone who didn't force anything out of me or judge me for the stupid mistakes I made. Someone who understood. Her name is Khalan Michaels, and yes, I like her.

I folded my arms for warmth as the snow fell. Carson must have felt too cold too because he suggested that we leave.

"Um...just give me a minute," I told them.

They nodded and went back into the car.

I sighed and squatted in front of the grave.

"Hi," I awkwardly began. "I haven't in...done this before but I heard it helps so...why not give it a shot? Though I probably look like an idiot right about now. Anyways, I just wanted to say I'm finally okay. I miss you but, I'm definitely handling it better."

I chuckled before continuing.

"I guess you can owe it to Michaels huh? You'd love her. She's a really good person with the kindest heart...which is why I'm probably not good for her. And get this, she actually puts up with me. Everything about her is so beautiful you know, from her laugh to her smile. Her eyes, even her sarcasm. I know, you never thought you'd see the day Shawn Mitchell actually liked a girl like this huh? Believe me it took me by surprise too."

I smiled and stood up. "Merry Christmas mom."

I felt a hand on my shoulder and frankly I was quite surprised at the person standing here.

"Thought you weren't going to make it?"

He sighed. "I thought I owed it to all of you, to her. I know I haven't exactly been the best father in the past but...I just miss her too. And I guess shutting everything out was my way of coping."

I stood there awkwardly and just nodded. Was he...apologizing?

"So um," I coughed. "Did you hear all of that? What I said?"

"A bit, yeah," he answered.

Oh great.

"Okay," was all I said.

"I think she's a nice girl too," he told me.

I frowned. "You didn't seem to act that way the last time you saw her."

He sighed. "And for that, I'm sorry."

I eased up a bit and nodded. I think this is the first time in a really long time we've had a civilized conversation one on one. It's a Christmas miracle.

"Oh," I turned and called after I began walking away. "And...thanks for um..coming. It um...meant a lot."

He nodded. "You're welcome son."

He came. He actually came. Huh, I guess everyone's becoming better. Even the assholes. After the cemetary we headed back home to spend the rest of the day as a family. My thoughts went back to what I said though. It was true, relationships never worked out for me. It was always flirt, make out and leave. That's the cycle I was used to. Maybe I never tried hard enough, but Michaels, she's just too good for me.

The last thing I wanted to do was to end up hurting her.

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