Chapter Forty-Two: Regret

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"You're the reason I can say I'm alive, not just breathing. You're the only damn reason I'm still in this cruel world. You're the reason, why I haven't chosen to leave."
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Chapter Forty Two
Regret
By Savy Resaro
Song: World So Cold by 12 Stones
Zenix's POV

Warning: This chapter contains swearing words. Viewer discretion is advised.

So she found out huh? Well, fuck. I'll probably never be able to face her again. She'll probablyh kill me if she ever sees me. I stood there outside against the castle, hearing her cries and screams. My heart could even barely handle it. I've never seen her cry this so fucking much. Not even when her mother had died.

I made my own little sister cry.

I feel horrible.

I stood there, eyes closed, my hair following the wind's travels. I listened to her mourns, and regretted every single action I took ever since that day.

"Zenix. Where are you? I want to speak with you..so much..I'm confused,scared, and lonely. Why are you protecting when...when you killed her? Why..?" I nearly fell. She still wants to see me even after I've done such a horrible act? Heh what am I saying, she'll just kill me right there and then. Even with immortality.

I wondered, was it worth it?

Was my immortality worth such bloodshed?

Was it worth staying alive forever?

I don't want to die...

But now..how come I feel like I want to now?

Aphmau kept pleading for me to come forth and tell her I killed someone, that I didn't kill her mother. Well, I don't think things would be great even if I did come.

I stood there confused and lost.

Was it worth it?

Was it worth the red eyepatch over your left eye?

Was it worth the eternal heat?

Was it worth getting tortured day by day for ruining plans for the Kingdom?

Was it worth to make her feel this way?

Was it worth leaving her confused and sad about you leaving?

Was it worth it?

I sighed. I wanted to go up there. I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to tell her why, my emotions, my thoughts, I wanted to explain every single fucking thing to her.

But, I couldn't.

I wanted to explain to Garroth as well.

Heh Garroth. I couldn't believe I was actually older than him. I'm just now 32. Meanwhile he's just actually 19. Shocker. He was so strong and wise.

Way more smarter than me too.

Guess he was actually my younger brother huh?

Well, that would be weird.

If I see Aphmau as younger my sister and Garroth as my younger brother then they couldn't be together. That would just be fucked up after all.

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