CAKE

One Hundred Fifty-Three

Mallory

There was a storm. In my head. And outside. I was exhausted. Mentally. That night replayed in my head every hour since it happened two days ago. After my answer and that pained, broken-hearted expression on Casey's face she bolted and never looked back. 

She left me completely stranded. I couldn't exactly blame her. But it would've been nice if she didn't ditch me without my car.

A steaming cup was forced into my face forcing me to glance up and meet dark eyes. I exhale softly and take the piping hot cup from his hands. "Thank you," I voice softly, shifting on his couch, where I had spent the last two days.

Albeit, I was the one who rejected Casey, here I was probably just as depressed as she was. 

Tears gather in my eyes again, for the 4th time today. "Are you going to call her?" Winny questioned, plopping down beside me. 

Letting out a breath, I eye the brown-skinned man. "I doubt she'll answer-- I mean... I said no in a restaurant full of people, Winston."

The man cringed at the use of his full name and honestly, so did I. I only used it when I was frustrated. And I was so frustrated. With the situation itself, with me, mostly. I thought I had grown out of that 'Not wanting to get married, ever' phase. I was so sure Casey would erase that for me yet, when I saw her down on one knee, the sage jewel staring back at me, I...

I sigh again. 

"I don't want to get married," I voice honestly, not to anyone in particular. Just uttering the truth. It was the truth. "I don't want kids. I don't want to settle down. I don't want... I don't want Casey's image of a perfect life," I frown.

Winny shifted beside me, grabbing my attention. "So why let your relationship get this far with her?"

I inhale sharply, my eyes meeting his. "Because I fell in love," I chuckle sadly. I sniff and furrow my brows. "I fell in love and I thought if the time ever came, I could say yes. But I couldn't and... she hates me now. I..." I cry, unable to keep my sadness and disappointment to myself.

It wasn't like this with Rayne. With Rayne... it was simpler because we wanted the same thing. To be committed to one another without marriage holding us together. Divorce always followed marriage around like a shadow, looming. 

And divorces were exhausting and painful and hurtful and just years of you trying to hurt each other. I never wanted that. Not even after seeing it with my parents. 

I take a sip of the peppermint tea Winny brought over minutes ago, the hot liquid calming my nerves just enough to think properly. What did my saying No do? 

It didn't have to mean the end of our relationship but even I knew in a way it did. Casey would always want to get married, always want to have kids, always want to settle... and I didn't. Not wanting marriage alone was a dealbreaker. I knew it, she knew it. Everyone knew it.

But I don't want to break up with Casey. I don't ever want that day to come. Maybe we could make more compromises. Being engaged didn't mean we had to get married. We'd just be engaged forever and if we ever broke up, there wouldn't have to be a divorce looming in the background. We'd just break up.

"What are you thinking?" Winny questioned, placing his hand on my leg. I let out a breath and glanced at the brown-skinned man. "How to save our relationship," I mutter, my voice breaking.

His brows dipped down, eyes on me sadly. Even Winny knew it. There was no saving this. 

"I should've just said yes," I nod my head.