CAKE

Ninety-One

Kathryn 

A week ago, I didn't want to be pregnant again despite telling my boyfriend otherwise. A week ago, I feared having another child, only able to let the memory of my late daughter cloud my mind and judgment. A week ago, I would not have been this excited to find out I was pregnant. 

I was so giddy all this week, unable to stop thinking about being a mother again. I was happy I was gifted a second chance to try this again. I wanted to try this again. Under all the fear, anxiety, and doubt there was an intense amount of pure joy.

If I wasn't scared of the judgment I'd receive from my family, friends, and ex-fiance, I'd have told the world by now. I, Kathryn Elizabeth Howard, am pregnant and I couldn't be happier.

"What are you smiling about?" I hear and turn my head to my boyfriend, pausing my morning routine. "Am I not allowed to smile?" I question, furrowing my brows, and letting my lips drop into a frown.

Chuckling, he shakes his head as he climbs off the bed and makes his way over to me. "I'm not saying you can't. I've just noticed you've been happier this past week," he mutters, standing behind me.

My smile returns as I nod my head, "What's not to be happy about? I'm gonna be a mother again. And as scary as the initial thought is... I'm happy I'll get a second chance to experience motherhood." He smiles behind me before wrapping his arms around me with a smile plastered onto his lips. 

"We're gonna be parents," he whispers into my ear before kissing my cheek. Smiling, I nod my head. "Just 9 more months until we bring life into the world. I'm so scared," I mutter softly as I continue getting ready for work.

Mateo rubs my stomach as he eyed me through the mirror and I could tell he had something he wanted to say. So I urge him to speak up. Sighing, he averts his gaze. "Well... I was thinking since we've committed to having a child together, maybe we should start looking for a place... to live... together," he mutters.

My eyes remain on him as I clench my jaw, realizing I shouldn't have urged him to talk about it. This topic has come up quite a bit and I was not too fond of it every time it did. But this time, it only made sense for us to think about it. Before, living together wasn't important to do. But... I have his child in my belly... it would be weird if we weren't living together, right?

I sigh as I shove him off of me. "Mateo—"

"Kathryn, we're literally committing to each other long-term now. You are pregnant with my child... That's 9 months and then adding on 18 years or more until they're ready to move out. I don't want to live in a separate home from my girlfriend if she's going to give birth to our child. I understood why you rejected the idea before... but this time you have to think about the baby."

Sighing, I bite my cheek. "I'll think about it," I spit but the man frowns, not liking that answer.

"Kath—"

"I said I'll think about it, Mateo! You can't expect me to jump at the opportunity to live with you. That's a change of pace that I don't think I'm ready for. And yeah... once our child is born, it's selfish of me to not live with you when you're the father. But we have time... 9 months to be exact. Let me think about it!" I spit, annoyed I had to.

The man sighs as he nods his head. "Okay," he mutters, pulling away from me. He doesn't mutter another word as he exits the bedroom, clearly upset by how I acted. Exhaling, I grip the edge of the counter, knowing I was probably in the wrong.

But I can't. I can't depend on someone again. I'll get into that mindset to just put all the responsibility onto my partner and when they leave me... I'll lose myself. I can't do that again. Even if he is the father of our child.