Muggle Studies

Talking

A guide to having mature, grown-up discussions about what hurts.

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As soon as the door closed, he approached her again. "Nay..."

But it took one look from her for him to take a step back, nodding, lifting his palms in surrender.

He was never going to touch her again. He should at least have given her one last kiss before telling her. Fuck.

She went to the bathroom and took a long, long, long warm shower, furious that she was too furious to notice all the subtleties of bathing in his body. But the anger slowly subsided and gave way to frustration, then sadness and fear. And she cried, feeling stupid and confused and ashamed and, yes, helpless. Way out of her league.

She would never have been able to keep something like this from him, just for starters.

He had lied to her. Of course he had. He was a liar for twenty years. How naive of her to expect anything else from him.

But he had never... he wasn't like that. Not with her. Was he?

She left the bathroom not sure she was ready to face him. The first thing she saw was the bed, covered in white orchids and red tulips.

She sighed. Were he any other man it would have been a shallow attempt at compensation. But he was Severus. He's speaking flower to me, she thought.

White orchids. It was an apology, yes, but they also denoted sincerity, strength...and virility. It was a joke, in a way, she supposed, as she was in his body right now. Also a play with the whole sexist theme of the issue. And a request for an opportunity to come clean. The red tulips... perfect love. Always.

Bastard. He knew all her weaknesses. Was he working her right now?

No. No, he was trying to remind her of them, of their love.

Was he, though?

She approached the bed slowly, a part of her still wanting to cling to her anger, afraid that, if she weren't mad, she might end up just letting things slide. Afraid of being manipulated.

But it was Severus. She was safe with him. Wasn't she?

Could she even tell anymore? Ugh.

She touched the bed. Of course they flew up beautifully and circled her. But this time they didn't have any stems to return to, so they just kept dancing around her for the longest time... and then lit up, shining, before vanishing slowly, one by one.

She just stood there, watching, with silent tears running down her face. It was so beautiful. She was so hurt.

When the flowers were all gone she breathed deeply, looking around, and found him sitting on the floor against the wall, with his wand in his hand, a desolate look on his face as he watched her.

She looked miserable. He had done that to her. He had ruined everything.

"You're so fucking charming. Damn you." She said, wiping her tears and laughing sadly.

Could she forgive him? Hope ached all over him and he hated himself for daring to feel it.

He got up and approached her, warily. Would she bolt if he came closer?

"I didn't mean to... I know it doesn't lessen..." He sighed in defeat. "I just had to give myself an occupation or I should run mad."

"I'm sorry. You must have been anxious out here." Nay said.