Denial (Varys x fem!Stark reader)

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Tensions were high in Winterfell that night. No one knew what the next night would bring. The only thing that was certain was that the Army of the Dead was coming, bringing with it darkness and death. With such thoughts in mind, the castle was split. Some people within were spending time drinking and laughing, some were spending time in quiet contemplation, and others, like yourself, were enjoying time with those closest to you. For you, that was your siblings, Tyrion Lannister, and your best friend (and the unrequited love of your life) Varys.

You and Varys had gotten close over the years since you'd met. When you traveled to King's Landing with your father and younger sisters, you had no hope for a happy future. You knew Starks didn't do well in the South. But after a while, you grew fairly close to Tyrion and, by extension, Varys.

At first, you were wary around the Master of Whispers. He knew everything about everyone and never hesitated to let them know that. His little spies were everywhere. But you soon learned that you had nothing to fear. You weren't a threat to the realm and therefore not on Varys' radar in that way. That didn't stop you from forming an odd relationship with him. Nor did it prevent you from letting your heart rule over your head. You fell and fell hard for him, a feeling that only grew as you traveled with him and Tyrion to Meereen and then back to Westeros.

Now, you were here in Winterfell nursing a tankard of ale as you listened to Tyrion telling another of his ridiculous stories. You shook your head fondly as one of the Wildlings approached your table. Without asking, he plopped down next to you and started talking. It didn't take long for you to realize he was trying to get you into bed. You cast a glance behind you to see that your friends and family were still engrossed in conversation so you decided to flirt back a little. After all, you were a free woman and the man you loved paid you no mind in that way. While you knew a sexually intimate life wasn't entirely possible with Varys, he didn't want you in other intimate ways either. So there was no harm in trying to get a little bit of affection before the potential to lose your life came down upon you.

You didn't notice the lingering glare belonging to Varys on your back as you walked away with the Wildling. You didn't see him get up to follow after you. For someone so observant, you didn't even realize you were being followed until Varys called your name. You froze in place and anger coursed through you.

"Varys, whatever it is can wait until morning," you told him through gritted teeth. "I'm afraid it can't," he replied with an edge to his voice that you'd never heard before. Even the Wildling on your arm seemed to sense something odd in the interaction. He quickly went in search of another woman to warm his bed for the night. "Really?" you mumbled under your breath.

"Was that really necessary?!" you snapped. All your pent up frustrations were about to bubble over just looking at him. "One night! That's all I wanted! We could all die tomorrow, Varys! I needed something with someone! I needed just a little intimacy and affection before the world goes to all Seven Hells!" Your voice grew louder as you spoke. The sharpness of your tone even had Varys shrinking back a bit.

"With a Wildling?" You scoffed and rolled your eyes. "And who else would you suggest? Tyrion? Jaime? Podrick?" Varys didn't reply, making you nod once. "Exactly," you retorted before leaving him alone in the corridor and heading toward your own chambers, alone.

You didn't speak to Varys much at all the next day. Instead, you kept finding things to do to help fortify the stronghold. Just because Jon insisted that you stay in the crypts with the other women, children, and those unable to fight, didn't mean you couldn't help before the battle began. You did everything you could to avoid being in the same space as Varys. However, when the sun set, you had no choice.

Sounds of battle rang out above you. You glanced around at the faces of those in the crypts with you. Children clung to their mothers and sisters, eyes filled with tears. Your own sister held her head high as she spoke quietly with Tyrion. Your hand kept inching toward the dagger you kept on your person at all times now. You didn't want to be stuck in the crypts when you could be helping.

"Don't," Varys' soft voice echoed in your ears. You glanced over at him. "I know what you are thinking, Y/N. Don't be foolish. Should our army above fall, these people will need your strength." You turned so you were fully facing him again. "I don't understand you." Varys looked confused.

"I don't understand how you can be so aloof sometimes. How you can pretend not to care about me, but then turn around and behave like a jealous or protective lover the next! It makes no sense to me. I can never tell if you love me or hate me. You stop me from trying to enjoy what might be my last night on earth, but have nothing to say when I question why. Now you try and stop me from going up there to fight even though you know I am capable of handling myself."

Before Varys could reply, a rumbling was heard all around the crypts. It quickly dawned on you that you were, in fact, surrounded by the dead...when the monsters above could control the dead. Why had no one thought of that before now?! Screams began sounding from all around you as the dead rose.

You cursed under your breath, your hand automatically grabbing at the dagger. It wasn't much, but Jon had gifted it to you and was made of dragon glass. You were going to protect as many people as possible. You made to move away from Varys, but he quickly grabbed your wrist.

"Varys, let go!" you shouted, "I need to help them!" His eyes held an emotion you'd never noticed before. A mixture of fear and something else. He didn't let go immediately. "Varys, please. Let go." Without a word, he released your wrist. You stepped close to him and cupped his cheek. "If I don't survive this, I need you to know that I love you. I have loved you for longer than I can remember at this point," you told him truthfully. There was no sense in denying any longer. Not if you weren't going to see the morning.

Before he could say anything, you were gone, moving head first into a battle you had almost no chance in winning. Varys wasn't a fighter. He knew that. So he did what he could to get the women and children away from the fighting. The crypts were very large, but you needed as much space as you could get. As soon as Varys was certain he'd gotten as many of the others out of the way as possible, he glanced back at where you were fighting.

You were horribly outnumbered, even when Sansa picked up a weapon to help. Varys' eyes were glued to you though, even as the other women began moving passed him. They couldn't fight as well as you could, but they were going to help. Their leaders were fighting and they were going to follow your example. Still, it seemed hopeless and all Varys could do was protect the children and watch.

Your eyes met his for a brief moment and he whispered, "I love you," hardly daring to believe he was even capable of saying the words. You smiled at him before he lost sight of you. Varys' usual mask of disinterest melted away and in its place, tears began to fall unbidden. Would he ever see you again or were you lost to him forever?

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